b0nes_na's Profile

Account Details
SteamID64	76561198120312532
SteamID3	[U:1:160046804]
SteamID32	STEAM_0:0:80023402
Country	Canada
Signed Up	April 12, 2021
Last Posted	October 8, 2024 at 11:38 PM
Posts	153 (0.1 per day)

Account Details

SteamID64

76561198120312532

SteamID3

[U:1:160046804]

SteamID32

STEAM_0:0:80023402

Country

Canada

Signed Up

April 12, 2021

Last Posted

October 8, 2024 at 11:38 PM

Posts

153 (0.1 per day)

Game Settings
In-game Sensitivity	2
Windows Sensitivity
Raw Input
DPI	800
Resolution	1920x1080
Refresh Rate	144

Game Settings

In-game Sensitivity

Windows Sensitivity

Raw Input

DPI

800

Resolution

1920x1080

Refresh Rate

144

Hardware Peripherals
Mouse	Logitec gpro wireless
Keyboard	Red dragon shiva
Mousepad
Headphones	logitec gpro wired headset
Monitor	BENQ 144hrtz

Hardware Peripherals

Mouse

Logitec gpro wireless

Keyboard

Red dragon shiva

Mousepad

Headphones

logitec gpro wired headset

Monitor

BENQ 144hrtz

This cuts deep, I knew lain well despite a short time spent with her. She was the captain and leader of the Portland burnsiders for the fullerton lan. It was during the scrims leading up to the event that I learned a key point in their character. I made a joke calling some player a "schizo" Lain took offence and said "I don't want you to joke about that, I am a schizophrenic and you have no idea how debilitating that condition is." It was direct and clear, I did not make those jokes in front of lain again because there was clear evidence that she was an odd duck and had mental difficulties. When we finally met at lan Lain was passive and cordial, never overly expressive and never took too much space up. There was a party with myself avoidjoker, Dolphin, Hidie (definitely spelt your name wrong) , Cerby and Lain in my hotel room. We drank and shared our war stories, each of us were taking small shots of the giant ass cosco vodka cerby brought, but Lain took a red solo cup and filled it to the brim. I said to lain "that is way too much your gonna die" and with a completely expressionless face and with full confidence lain said "what do you mean? this is a normal amount." she was determined to finish that cup like a true decedent of Mr.Lahey. She did not, she got halfway through and was already lying on the ground LMFAO. Lucky for them the hotel she stayed at was about 50ft away so when the night was over we brought them back to the hotel. Next day we played the tournament, Lain clearly stated in the scrims "we are totally good enough to get not last place" and that gave me huge confidence. We played that tournament and lost some matches and won others that were so close, real roller coaster matches. They were some of the most fun and exciting matches I had ever played. It was especially cathartic when we beat fired-up gaming in a match that was over an hour 3-2, when for the 6th time lain called for a 6 man hide in the corner of dungeon on sunshine last worked finally. It is this event how I will remember Lain, they were legitimately happy to be there and competing. After the lan Lain would regularly message me to pug (which I would either ghost or say no in dm's cause I only pug rarely). I see it as a call to what friendship we did have, Lain always saw me as a friend. Lain would always message me to pug, I even tried them out for a regular season team but it wouldn't work out. After the fullerton lan Lains mental health would take a turn for the worst and decline aggressively, I knew exactly what was happening. Lain would go to twitter and express her sorrows for being abandoned by tf2 players and would hold a false grudge against many invite players. It is difficult and sometimes impossible for people with schizophrenia to comprehend what is and isn't reality. Those who suffer depression and ruminate regularly to the point of convincing themselves of things that aren't true can see that struggle within themselves like I can. But schizophrenia is much more severe and I would not wish that on anyone. Lain told me that they were a big time stoner, I am also a big time stoner. But I have a different brain and Lain unfortunately had a brain with much more CB1 cannabis receptors (possibly 200% more). I may be injecting false narratives into the conversation because I am greatly under-qualified to say these things, but lain should have quit smoking weed years ago and made an attempt at getting themselves to a higher baseline of dopamine and serotonin. Loneliness, stimulants and mental disorders do not mix well and these last couple of years have been a roller-coaster for her mind. I wish I gave them a hug when I saw them in person last. I wish she cared about herself enough to try and make herself better because there might of been something deeply creative that needed to express itself. I wish I had told them the truth when I turned down the pug offerings so that she would not take it in a negative light. I wish people had more empathy to understand the absolute depths of sorrow that she was undergoing during her last months and that her desperate calls for help were not surface level insane ramblings but the sad moans of a wounded animal trapped and unable to escape. I envy people who are simple enough to comply with short term logic and surface level psychology. I envy the people who are dumb enough to come up with a short term conclusion to what type of pain Lain was going through. I envy people who have never had to face the depths of hell that is betrayal and being ostracized. I envy those who thought that the short term gratitude of being "funny" around others and making fun of someone else was good enough so that you can sleep with yourself. I lost another friend this week named Charlie, he was a co-worker and roofer. He would drink 3 beers on the job in the afternoon, him and the crew would always ask me to drive them to the Liquor store during lunch. He was a competent worker and a hardened man who was capable of dealing with hardships. He fell 40ft and hit the ground while he was gluing the edge of a flat roof on the scaffolding. He was not tied off, and he died while being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. He was overconfident in his abilities. Life is cruel and many philosopher's say that life and existence itself is a form of suffering. For those of us that survive we can either let the despair consume us and waste our time ruminating on the negativity, or we see the beauty of existence and take the hardships that we face as a lesson and remember them. I will remember Lain as they were at Fullerton lan, good time and cordial person. Rest in peace RainofLight may god bring peace to your soul and to your family.