i wish i had the motivation to play this game again
i agreed to play w/ faint b/c i wanted to prevent them from having another team dying mid season but as i play i'm having more and more trouble finding the motivation to make it to scrims, which sucks and makes me feel bad b/c i know that a portion of the team wants to try
before this season i had made it a point to never skip scrims but i find myself skipping scrims regularly now
i had the motivation at the beginning of the season, lost quite a bit of it due to events (preseason + the team i joined before faint) but still thought i had some left; with a combination of making friends at school and a lot of school work i think ive drained all my motivation to play (which is honestly so weird cuz i used to have so much motivation to just grind this game)
what sucks is that next season is almost for sure my last season to attempt to play seriously (ill be on east coast = 15 ping instead of 80 + shit home internet, only 1 class; every semester onward ill have really difficult schedules) but i just don't think that i can bring myself to play even though i know that it's my last chance to have a good shot at doing anything in this game and i just dont know what to do
also one of my good friends removed me without any reason a few weeks ago and im still sad abt that
i usually think that my friends don't like me and when something like that happens it just makes me rlly sad (even though its confirmation bias im a retard)
idk y im ranting on tftv at 4:30 in the morning