Wish I had the words back then but here goes nothing.

Lain was someone I learned about when I originally joined the scene back in 2016. The only things I ever heard about her was that she was a rager and a team killer. Obviously, that gave me a warped perception until I finally met her about a year later. She was kind, caring, and held a genuinely friendly demeanor towards me and the rest of my friendgroup at the time. Albeit this was from inhouses but I do believe this memory is still valid.

Flash forward about a year or so later and I would consistently run into her in the b pugs of pugchamp. At this point I was more or less acquaintances with her but I still valued the occasional pug I'd run into her in. She sniped, generally didn't comm, and essentially trolled most pugs while simultaneously driving both team nuts. Impressive stuff.

After pugchamp died, I would infrequently run into her in inhouses and ringing. Up until I'd like to say late 2022 she seemed to be doing ok. She lived with schizophrenia, which is an incredibly disruptive and plaguing brain disease that has no true cure, just medicines that slow the progression. I think it was after this point that things went seriously downhill.

I remember all my interactions with her from this point forward would dissolve into her ranting about wanting to die and her trauma from being groomed by umbra and I want to say one other former community member, granted I am not sure about that.

I do however remember the helpless feeling I would get when I listened to her try to make sense of what had happened to her. She was delirious and very much not lucid. At times I would beg her to seek professional help and to do things that would better her life. Maybe she was already doing those things, maybe she just couldn't do it anymore. I don't know, but it still haunts me to this day.

She asked me to play a pub with her on the 8th of august. Three days later, on August 11th she would take her own life. I still wish I could of gamed with her that day, she was someone I never gave the value to that was deserved, and I still think about that quite a bit.

Obviously, anyone who knows my past should be aware that I've had my fair struggles with mental illness, and I wish I could of paid the help others gave me forward to trying to help Lain. I'm sorry Lain, you truly deserved better.

I guess he really was a robot

Been trying to cultivate more interests outside of just competitive gaming and music. Recently played through the first 3 silent hill games (bangers) watched a bunch of psychological thrillers (paprika, jacob’s ladder, etc) and have been working a bunch.

Things are slightly better nowadays for me. I finished my semester with straight A’s and I’ve been working a lot more in general.

I was also diagnosed with bipolar ii disorder last fall, which was a major boost for continuing to improve mental health wise. With just everything that’s happened I feel pretty cold and disinterested with life, but I’m trying my best to contnue moving forward despite that.

This will be going on your annual performance review tojo

sega idk man

Had to think about what to post but here goes nothing.

I don't know how many of you remember early rgl, but back then we had makkabeus as the head admin. He was incredibly over reaching with his restrictions and often times would class lock ppl who had simply placed high in the division the season before, failed to find an invite team, and were looking to play the season on their main in advanced.

Now this happened to me multiple times. For over a year I had to play fuckass soldier seasons because I literally could not find an invite team and was not willing to make one. So instead I played soldier, lost a lot since frankly I am not good at all at soldier and didn't bother to practice (whoops.) But it still took my head out of the game and made me heavily resent the admin team and more importantly, heavily resent pretty much everything tf2 related.

My point in this is to say that class restrictions don't just prevent old players from returning, as millie said above, but also lock people off their classes for an extended period of time and, such as in my case, cause players to no longer wish to compete seriously.

Last thing I'll say is as someone who played during the esea era, I can sincerely tell you that the sandbagging was not that bad. Yes! sandbaggers won most seasons. But it didn't change the fact that the divisions were much more competitive and the general parity between mid to top open/intermediate was a lot better. Just removing class restrictions and letting people play their mains (outside of incredibly egregious examples) should be good enough to keep the divisions fun and stable.

recommended by fyg

potentially scariest video of all time

https://media1.tenor.com/m/DMHk0nKIGmYAAAAd/byuntear-cachorro.gif

I know discussing politics on tftv never ends well but like jesus fuck we are in dark times.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBQ2mjkvYY8

Today I will bait the tf2 community again!

Unfortunate truth is the game is on its death bed and we're still bickering about how a gamemode is run. If you want things to be better, actually do something to fix said issues instead of complaining on the competitive tf2 version of reddit.

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQcHO06CK0X0MtE80mXdAQtQjKa6s8nj0sk2g&s