Sure, I'll be the guy.
The TF2 competitive community has blackpilled me on large/online communities maybe just about as much as anything ever could. There is something very sick that is very deep in this community, but absolutely not unique to it, and it's made it very hard to want to participate over the years in any community at all.
That said, I think it behooves me not to beat around the bush. I had some very alarming experiences when I started climbing the skill and recognition ladders more quickly. Specifically with coaching / mentoring. Even me, a complete nobody, had a lot of people reaching out for demo reviews and whatnot. But what was alarming was how many of them were quite young, and what was much more alarming was how many of them were way overly personal and even, on occasion, explicitly flirtatious. Obviously I rebuffed all of these advances and, when appropriate, tried to offer some guidance towards not making themselves vulnerable to complete strangers, but what has stuck with me for years now is how often it was happening, and how nobody in the community was talking about it.
Since then, I've spoken privately with other TF2 players about this, with much trepidation, and to my horror, had it confirmed to me that I wasn't crazy. And I've even spoken with people in other communities, both online and IRL, and again to my horror, been made aware that this isn't even a specifically gaming, let alone TF2, problem. Everywhere, apparently, there are kids making themselves vulnerable to complete strangers and no one is talking about it.
Please do not confuse this for victim blaming. I don't blame anyone for developing parasocial relationships in today's world, least of all kids who lack the experience and guidance to know better. The Nurseys and brokings of the world are obviously the ones at fault for taking advantage of that vulnerability, and should be punished fully, both legally and socially.
But what frankly disgusts me about our community is the complete vacuum of conversation about this. These kids need to be told that they are NOT safe around someone just because they're better than them at a videogame, or stream every now and then, or play shows at the local DIY venue, or hang out at the local card shop, or whatever. And people in these positions of even marginal power need to know that their behavior matters. They are in a totally unique social situation where they need to be very careful to yes, be respectful, but also maintain very clear delineations between acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
Frankly, I'm surprised there haven't been a lot more stories like Nursey's. Hopefully that means that most community members are good people behind the scenes and feel the way that I feel about all of this. But it terrifies me to think that that might not be the case, and that it's only the most disgusting, egregious, evil people that are actually getting caught and punished. And the recent ETF2L admin situation doesn't exactly inspire much confidence in the former.
All of which is to say that you're absolutely right, Alias, that we do an honestly embarrassing job of protecting kids in this community. Both in terms of policing inappropriate behavior from potential predators, as well as educating kids on how to stay safe in a community so beset with, frankly, freaks and losers.
As far as what exactly to do? I don't have much of an idea. I agree with Tob that continuing to ridicule the perpetrators is a good start, as far as it keeps the possibility of this stuff happening top of mind for the community at large. I would very much also like to see the conversation expanded to include ways for kids to keep themselves safe online, and draw very clear lines around acceptable behavior in these kinds of situations for anyone in an exploitable position of power. As far as how to accomplish any of that? Again, not much of an idea. As funny as it is to imagine mandatory sexual misconduct training for invite players, I don't think that's feasible or likely to be effective.
I also agree with Tob that tftv isn't the place necessarily to focus on the victims in cases like this. I've also known people who've been victims of grooming and abuse, and having an entire community barrel down on them, even with good intentions, is not as helpful as the community might hope it to be.
I think focusing on prevention & punishment in public forums like this is much more appropriate, and if anyone is going to offer support and/or resources to victims outside of their extant support network, it should be someone within the league organization that is qualified & responsible enough to do so. Having admins, or maybe one or two of the top admins, go through training to be qualified to offer resources and support where appropriate might actually be both feasible and effective, and could even lead to other effective policies being implemented league-wide. Unfortunately, neither of the two most relevant leagues to tftv have a particularly good track record with policies like that in the past, but hey, we can dream, can't we?
TL;DR: Many kids make it a habit to make themselves vulnerable to more powerful people in communities. We should do a much better job educating them on how to stay safe online, as well as educating the community at large how to maintain appropriate relationships from both sides of the power dynamic.
Thank you for starting this conversation. This has been on my mind for a very long time, and I'm just as disappointed in myself for not having it as I am in the rest of the community. Kids, stay safe out there, and everyone else, don't be a fucking nonce.