couple things here
1: I feel like the stigma of me being a bad player will constantly stick with me and hold me back as a player because of my beginning on a 60hz laptop and awful mouse. The only tryouts I've been able to pickup on my teams that I've run as well as the only team I've been able to get a spot on are people who've never heard my name before and the number of people who I think I'm on the same skill level as who don't know my name are running thin. Every time I tell people that I've improved always say they've never seen me do above like 150 dpm and when I link logs of me doing 210, 230, and even 280 they give me reasons why it's not valid. i really want to improve at this game and I think I'm doing everything I can to improve at the game, I do DM/MGE/other types of aim training for hours a day, I have three mentors that I demo review with, and I still get told I'm not a good player because of pug logs. I don't know what else to at this point to prove that I'm at least a semi competent player and at this rate I'll probably wind up quitting because nobody takes me seriously.
2: I feel like I'll never be able to come out as transgender to most of my friends or my family and its eating me alive. I haven't felt comfortable in a boy's body for as long as I could remember and have recently discovered about transgender people and it brought me great relief knowing that I didn't have to spend the rest of my life living in a body that felt like I was wearing clothes that were too small for me. I've got a couple of friends inside and outside of this community who are very supportive of me but then there's not only the massive amount of transphobia in this community, but the fact that I feel like I wouldn't be able to come out and tell my friends and family who I really am because of the fact that might judge me. I live in constant fear that one day somebody at my school or in my home will figure out that my preferred name is Robin or that my preferred pronouns are she/her and it's such an awful feeling.
I'll probably rant more later on something else