http://www.strawpoll.me/13289194
Just curious. Note that I'm talking about mild physical punishment as a disciplinary measure, not baseless abuse
EDIT: Results
Out of 400 respondents:
- 64% were beaten, 36% were not
- 52% think corporal punishment is justified, 48% think it's not
- out of those that have received physical punishment as children, 65% think it's justified
- out of those that have not received physical punishment as children, 72% think it's not justified
- out of those that think it's justified, 82% were beaten as kids, 18% were not personally beaten
- out of those that think it's not justified, 53% were not personally beaten and 47% were
http://www.strawpoll.me/13289194
Just curious. Note that I'm talking about mild physical punishment as a disciplinary measure, not baseless abuse
EDIT: Results
Out of 400 respondents:
- 64% were beaten, 36% were not
- 52% think corporal punishment is justified, 48% think it's not
- out of those that have received physical punishment as children, 65% think it's justified
- out of those that have not received physical punishment as children, 72% think it's not justified
- out of those that think it's justified, 82% were beaten as kids, 18% were not personally beaten
- out of those that think it's not justified, 53% were not personally beaten and 47% were
parents honestly need to beat their kids
parents honestly need to beat their kids
There are so many different factors you can't really just say "did/did not" and "justified/not justified". For instance, what kind of physical punishment was used? Under what circumstances did physical punishment occur? Is there communication between the child and the parents?
In my case, I do think physical punishment is justified and I did get hit, but I only approve of it under specific reasonable circumstances, and a lot of times I was being hit for unjustified reasons.
There are so many different factors you can't really just say "did/did not" and "justified/not justified". For instance, what kind of physical punishment was used? Under what circumstances did physical punishment occur? Is there communication between the child and the parents?
In my case, I do think physical punishment is justified and I did get hit, but I only approve of it under specific reasonable circumstances, and a lot of times I was being hit for unjustified reasons.
ward3dThere are so many different factors you can't really just say "did/did not" and "justified/not justified". For instance, what kind of physical punishment was used? Under what circumstances did physical punishment occur? Is there communication between the child and the parents?
In my case, I do think physical punishment is justified and I did get hit, but I only approve of it under specific reasonable circumstances, and a lot of times I was being hit for unjustified reasons.
True but I mean this isn't an actual study or anything, just a little strawpoll I did out of boredom
[quote=ward3d]There are so many different factors you can't really just say "did/did not" and "justified/not justified". For instance, what kind of physical punishment was used? Under what circumstances did physical punishment occur? Is there communication between the child and the parents?
In my case, I do think physical punishment is justified and I did get hit, but I only approve of it under specific reasonable circumstances, and a lot of times I was being hit for unjustified reasons.[/quote]
True but I mean this isn't an actual study or anything, just a little strawpoll I did out of boredom
Generally when one resorts to striking a child it's because they've lost control of both the child and themselves. I've not had to discipline my son beyond raising my voice or having him do work solo in ~6 years (he is 9). It's unnecessary when one takes the time to utilize alternative methods of coercion and explain why one must not do xyz thing again. But most people want to just give the kiddo a few quick wacks and assume their job is done instead of taking an hour or more out of their day to properly explain things and have them do something else or leave public situations when they misbehave.
The easiest example - is so many parents just let kids cry it out in stores or wack them (here at least it's more socially acceptable to physically discipline a child in public) a bit. When mine acted up for the first time he was around 2 1/2, and he began to cry because he wanted a Super Mario plush-toy that I refused to buy him, and so I simply said "Tell the store bye-bye because you're never going to see it again." He didn't take my threat seriously and that's how he never went into another store that had toys in it for 2 years. It took some extra planning on my part, and it was mighty inconvenient, but once the restriction was lifted he has never again even SUGGESTED that he might try to cause a scene as a way of forcing me to buy him something.
Generally when one resorts to striking a child it's because they've lost control of both the child and themselves. I've not had to discipline my son beyond raising my voice or having him do work solo in ~6 years (he is 9). It's unnecessary when one takes the time to utilize alternative methods of coercion and explain why one must not do xyz thing again. But most people want to just give the kiddo a few quick wacks and assume their job is done instead of taking an hour or more out of their day to properly explain things and have them do something else or leave public situations when they misbehave.
The easiest example - is so many parents just let kids cry it out in stores or wack them (here at least it's more socially acceptable to physically discipline a child in public) a bit. When mine acted up for the first time he was around 2 1/2, and he began to cry because he wanted a Super Mario plush-toy that I refused to buy him, and so I simply said "Tell the store bye-bye because you're never going to see it again." He didn't take my threat seriously and that's how he never went into another store that had toys in it for 2 years. It took some extra planning on my part, and it was mighty inconvenient, but once the restriction was lifted he has never again even SUGGESTED that he might try to cause a scene as a way of forcing me to buy him something.
The only time you should lay hands on a boy is to give him a good pat on the back :)
The only time you should lay hands on a boy is to give him a good pat on the back :)
everybody who's said "look at me I turned out fine and my parents hit me" has always been incredibly spoiled
everybody who's said "look at me I turned out fine and my parents hit me" has always been incredibly spoiled
Vulcaneverybody who's said "look at me I turned out fine and my parents hit me" has always been incredibly spoiled
the word you're looking for is sheltered, not spoiled. my parents hit me when I was younger but i sure as hell wasn't spoiled. but when I moved to Dallas to live on my own I had a rude awakening about how the real world works compared to how i thought it did.
[quote=Vulcan]everybody who's said "look at me I turned out fine and my parents hit me" has always been incredibly spoiled[/quote]
the word you're looking for is sheltered, not spoiled. my parents hit me when I was younger but i sure as hell wasn't spoiled. but when I moved to Dallas to live on my own I had a rude awakening about how the real world works compared to how i thought it did.
I think there is one specific case in which it can be acceptable to spank a child and that is to instill fear where there is none, but there should be.
For example, a daughter of a friend of mine would bolt off onto the street and it had been explained to her in various ways that she could be hit by a car and die. A lot of people talked to her at length(her parents, grandparents, friends of the parents like myself), punished her by taking things away every time she did it, etc. We even threw a melon in front of a friend's janky old car to demonstrate what would happen to her. Eventually she was nearly run over and we thought she learnt her lesson, but the next week she did it again and my friends(the parents that is) had decided that if she did it again they would spank her just to the point where she would fear the spanking because she didn't fear being run over. She never did it again and never had to be spanked again.
While this may seem crude, I think that sometimes as a parent you are essentially choosing between letting your child kill themselves or instilling what is basically a "replacement fear" because their brain somehow can not (yet) make the link between action and consequence in spite of exhaustive efforts to get them to understand the risk. If you're feeling more angry than worried when you feel the need to spank your child, something is wrong with you as a parent. Beating a child is always wrong, in my opinion. You don't need to hurt them; just scare them enough to save them.
I think there is one specific case in which it can be acceptable to spank a child and that is to instill fear where there is none, but there should be.
For example, a daughter of a friend of mine would bolt off onto the street and it had been explained to her in various ways that she could be hit by a car and die. A lot of people talked to her at length(her parents, grandparents, friends of the parents like myself), punished her by taking things away every time she did it, etc. We even threw a melon in front of a friend's janky old car to demonstrate what would happen to her. Eventually she was nearly run over and we thought she learnt her lesson, but the next week she did it again and my friends(the parents that is) had decided that if she did it again they would spank her just to the point where she would fear the spanking because she didn't fear being run over. She never did it again and never had to be spanked again.
While this may seem crude, I think that sometimes as a parent you are essentially choosing between letting your child kill themselves or instilling what is basically a "replacement fear" because their brain somehow can not (yet) make the link between action and consequence in spite of exhaustive efforts to get them to understand the risk. If you're feeling more angry than worried when you feel the need to spank your child, something is wrong with you as a parent. Beating a child is always wrong, in my opinion. You don't need to hurt them; just scare them enough to save them.
Nothing like physically disciplining your child and possibly traumatizing them or, at the least, make them feel like they can't even trust their own parents!
Nothing like physically disciplining your child and possibly traumatizing them or, at the least, make them feel like they can't even trust their own parents!
There are many factors. Race and culture can vastly affect parents approach of discipline. Like where I come from, the Dominican republic, children are exposed to "harsh" physical punishments which in the eyes of Dominican parents is quite normal. But I don't know there are also parents that go quite overboard and although the punishment might seem justified some people go too far. For example when I was little I was very shy and I would always avoid any sort of fights at school. My other classmates however were troublemakers and used to provoke lots of fights against me. So what would happen was that after I got all beat up in school my mom would also beat me up because I never liked to fight back. I know it sounds like a primitive mentality but again culture and race has a lot to do with physical punishment in childhood.
There are many factors. Race and culture can vastly affect parents approach of discipline. Like where I come from, the Dominican republic, children are exposed to "harsh" physical punishments which in the eyes of Dominican parents is quite normal. But I don't know there are also parents that go quite overboard and although the punishment might seem justified some people go too far. For example when I was little I was very shy and I would always avoid any sort of fights at school. My other classmates however were troublemakers and used to provoke lots of fights against me. So what would happen was that after I got all beat up in school my mom would also beat me up because I never liked to fight back. I know it sounds like a primitive mentality but again culture and race has a lot to do with physical punishment in childhood.
any hispanic will tell you about the amount of sandal/clotheshanger/belt/broom based beatings they received as kids when they stepped out of line.
My granddad beamed me in the head with a domino once cause I called my little cousin a retard
any hispanic will tell you about the amount of sandal/clotheshanger/belt/broom based beatings they received as kids when they stepped out of line.
My granddad beamed me in the head with a domino once cause I called my little cousin a retard
regardless of the ethical issues, it's such a lazy shortcut. priority should always be on making the child understand WHY they shouldn't do something, and helping them develop empathy in the process
regardless of the ethical issues, it's such a lazy shortcut. priority should always be on making the child understand WHY they shouldn't do something, and helping them develop empathy in the process
regardless of anecdotes or opinions, there is data that shows it's not just ineffective, but also harmful in a long-term, developmental context.
regardless of anecdotes or opinions, [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corporal_punishment_in_the_home#Effects_on_behaviour_and_development]there is data[/url] that shows it's not just ineffective, but also harmful in a long-term, developmental context.
pascalIt really depends on the nature of the child. For some children, it works and they grow up to be fine, healthy adults. For others it affects them negatively. I think you have to find the right balance for that particular child.
It really depends on the nature of the child. -- what does this mean? what inherent "nature" would a child possess that dictates corporal punishment would be the best, most efficient approach to parenting?
[quote=pascal]It really depends on the nature of the child. For some children, it works and they grow up to be fine, healthy adults. For others it affects them negatively. I think you have to find the right balance for that particular child.[/quote]
[i]It really depends on the nature of the child.[/i] -- what does this mean? what inherent "nature" would a child possess that dictates corporal punishment would be the best, most efficient approach to parenting?
Marxisthe began to cry because he wanted a Super Mario plush-toy that I refused to buy him
hey i have no idea how parenting works but why would you deny your kid a plush toy? certainly it will make him happy
do you have to do this to prevent him from being spoiled or what?
[quote=Marxist]he began to cry because he wanted a Super Mario plush-toy that I refused to buy him[/quote]
hey i have no idea how parenting works but why would you deny your kid a plush toy? certainly it will make him happy
do you have to do this to prevent him from being spoiled or what?
camperMarxisthe began to cry because he wanted a Super Mario plush-toy that I refused to buy him
hey i have no idea how parenting works but why would you deny your kid a plush toy? certainly it will make him happy
do you have to do this to prevent him from being spoiled or what?
Are you aware that a store might carry some ten thousand of those and ur child will want them all?
[quote=camper][quote=Marxist]he began to cry because he wanted a Super Mario plush-toy that I refused to buy him[/quote]
hey i have no idea how parenting works but why would you deny your kid a plush toy? certainly it will make him happy
do you have to do this to prevent him from being spoiled or what?[/quote]
Are you aware that a store might carry some ten thousand of those and ur child will want them all?
pick your poison
[img]http://i.imgur.com/JSYdEcs.png[/img]
aim-pick your poison
http://i.imgur.com/JSYdEcs.png
you forgot the slipper and the spoon
[quote=aim-]pick your poison
[img]http://i.imgur.com/JSYdEcs.png[/img][/quote]
you forgot the slipper and the spoon
Vulcaneverybody who's said "look at me I turned out fine and my parents hit me" has always been incredibly spoiled
I think you might have it the complete opposite if anything, but I don't think there's that much of a correlation. both of my parents were disciplined that way, and they were the last thing from spoiled. they were both almost as poor as you can possibly think of. they had to do everything for themselves, including working jobs for their parents and family just so they could get by in their relatively poor countries.
also, beating kids as a way of discipline has no real correlation with the parents being lazy, most of the time. It's usually just a way traditional or old school parents think they should parent
[quote=Vulcan]everybody who's said "look at me I turned out fine and my parents hit me" has always been incredibly spoiled[/quote]
I think you might have it the complete opposite if anything, but I don't think there's that much of a correlation. both of my parents were disciplined that way, and they were the last thing from spoiled. they were both almost as poor as you can possibly think of. they had to do everything for themselves, including working jobs for their parents and family just so they could get by in their relatively poor countries.
also, beating kids as a way of discipline has no real correlation with the parents being lazy, most of the time. It's usually just a way traditional or old school parents think they should parent
Campyaim-pick your poison
http://i.imgur.com/JSYdEcs.png
you forgot the slipper and the spoon
forgot the jumper cables too
[quote=Campy][quote=aim-]pick your poison
[img]http://i.imgur.com/JSYdEcs.png[/img][/quote]
you forgot the slipper and the spoon[/quote]
forgot the jumper cables too
I don't really think there is a one size fits all kind of way of raising children, corporal punishment for some was a big part of building their character but for others it's a reason for issues in safer life, no matter if it's mild or more harsh.
I don't really think there is a one size fits all kind of way of raising children, corporal punishment for some was a big part of building their character but for others it's a reason for issues in safer life, no matter if it's mild or more harsh.
I know a slightly mentally challenged couple (like actually mildly retarded) who are raising a son and i spend two days there and it was just so horrible to see this 4 year old, crying out for attention, while dad is buzy being a twitch moderater in a LoL stream and mom is on her smartphone, and when after more than 15 mins they were fed up with their kid crying the dad just yelled at him to stop crying and then put him in the corner, which make the kid upset and launch a fist at his dad, to which dad replies with an actual smack. watching this made me boil internally with anger, and i talked with the grandmother on dads side about it, but god no kid deserves growing up like that. Being hit by my alcoholic dad made me scared and shy and i got bullied with physical violence for nine years. No self esteem, no social skills, being the weak pussy of the group, luckily friends through videogames and weed got me through. If i become dad, I like to think i would try and set a better example. i really hope that couple divorces and the kid gets in a way better situation through the grandparents, noone should have a childhood like that.
I know a slightly mentally challenged couple (like actually mildly retarded) who are raising a son and i spend two days there and it was just so horrible to see this 4 year old, crying out for attention, while dad is buzy being a twitch moderater in a LoL stream and mom is on her smartphone, and when after more than 15 mins they were fed up with their kid crying the dad just yelled at him to stop crying and then put him in the corner, which make the kid upset and launch a fist at his dad, to which dad replies with an actual smack. watching this made me boil internally with anger, and i talked with the grandmother on dads side about it, but god no kid deserves growing up like that. Being hit by my alcoholic dad made me scared and shy and i got bullied with physical violence for nine years. No self esteem, no social skills, being the weak pussy of the group, luckily friends through videogames and weed got me through. If i become dad, I like to think i would try and set a better example. i really hope that couple divorces and the kid gets in a way better situation through the grandparents, noone should have a childhood like that.
There is definitely a place for hitting but it can be avoided
I don't think its necessarily the best option, but I do not think its worthless
Personally I was hit every once in a while when I outright disrespected my parents, and while it made me sad an upset in the short term, I learned my place. Now later in life, every once in a while I see a kid who could use a whack to get them out of their own asses, thinking about how they have some responsibility but are still in others control. There needs to be a consequence for poor behavior and a smack is the easiest way to make them remember, but it shouldn't be the go-to
That being said, my father had some anger issues and when he was just in a bad mood he would actually hit me with jumper cables and throw tiling grout at me; he even smashed my brothers computer with a splitting maul once
I don't wish that upon anyone, and until I grew up and he gained respect for me, I was totally at his mercy and it wasn't fun. I hate to use the old cliche I turned out fine, because I have some issues with empathy. But for the most part, I am well adjusted, my life is going well and I get along with him fine as his behavior has gotten better. But that's not a healthy environment and I've seen it fuck up a lot of different people
There is definitely a place for hitting but it can be avoided
I don't think its necessarily the best option, but I do not think its worthless
Personally I was hit every once in a while when I outright disrespected my parents, and while it made me sad an upset in the short term, I learned my place. Now later in life, every once in a while I see a kid who could use a whack to get them out of their own asses, thinking about how they have some responsibility but are still in others control. There needs to be a consequence for poor behavior and a smack is the easiest way to make them remember, but it shouldn't be the go-to
That being said, my father had some anger issues and when he was just in a bad mood he would actually hit me with jumper cables and throw tiling grout at me; he even smashed my brothers computer with a splitting maul once
I don't wish that upon anyone, and until I grew up and he gained respect for me, I was totally at his mercy and it wasn't fun. I hate to use the old cliche I turned out fine, because I have some issues with empathy. But for the most part, I am well adjusted, my life is going well and I get along with him fine as his behavior has gotten better. But that's not a healthy environment and I've seen it fuck up a lot of different people
I personally think there is always a different way to solve a child's behavior than by hitting.
I personally think there is always a different way to solve a child's behavior than by hitting.
There really is no definite answer because of how differently each child can operate. My father beat me extensively for just about any wrongdoing when I was a child, and to this day all I think it ended up doing was stunting my ability to feel comfortable around him or to foster a positive relationship with him.
aim-
Getting the switch was honestly some omni next level pain. That thing would have you feeling like the damn Mr. Krabs shit when it was over
There really is no definite answer because of how differently each child can operate. My father beat me extensively for just about any wrongdoing when I was a child, and to this day all I think it ended up doing was stunting my ability to feel comfortable around him or to foster a positive relationship with him.
[quote=aim-][/quote]
Getting the switch was honestly some omni next level pain. That thing would have you feeling like the damn Mr. Krabs shit when it was over
As a parent I can tell you that if you hit your child you've already lost beforehand. Most kids that behave in an obnoxious way crave for attention because they are not getting enough or not the right kind of attention. I know that sometimes you just get that urge to just slap them if they keep on annoying you, but it's so much better to de-escalate the situation first and work together instead of against each other.
As a parent I can tell you that if you hit your child you've already lost beforehand. Most kids that behave in an obnoxious way crave for attention because they are not getting enough or not the right kind of attention. I know that sometimes you just get that urge to just slap them if they keep on annoying you, but it's so much better to de-escalate the situation first and work together instead of against each other.