The best advice I can give is go and do it even if you dont want to.
also you almost definitely have anxiety if youre too scared to do anything/deal with people.

The best advice I can give is every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard enough

Try thinking about what you can accomplish right away. Every little step forward makes a big difference. Like any hard task in life, getting the simple stuff out of the way makes the big stuff seem more approachable.

great now i want pizza

Incoming wall of text.

Funks come and go. The worst thing you can do is wait for it to go away cause it probably won't on its own. I've been through a million and one of them whether it be because of college, girls, work, literally anything.

Best advice I can give you is buy a good pair of earbuds, sign up for Pandora or something, and hit the gym. If you're not into the gym life just go outside and do stuff. It doesnt even have to be anything. Just go enjoy the sun. Vitamin D goes a long way.

Wake up, take a multivitamin, drink some water, turn on some music, and just do you. Shits gonna be stressful at the time of graduation. Everyone you're used to seeing everyday will suddenly not be around, and some of your closest friends will drift into nothingness. That's life. Find someone to go enjoy life with, get off the computer, and go dancing or something.

TLDR, you gotta be proactive about cheering up, youre not just gonna wake up one day happy.

Go outside, get beaten down a bit by somebody bigger; grow stronger because of it. Repeat. Some other tips, find some new music and eat more vegetables.

If you're an illustration major this is my advice, quit tf2, make a goals list and get shit done.

Illustration/Concept art industry is competitive but very rewarding and you have to really be goal orientated and career focused to succeed in it.

dont be afraid to talk to someone you trust about this, its not embarrassing at all and tons of people have gone through stuff like that. talk to a psychiatrist if thats what it takes.

Talking about it or just writing it down (even if you throw it in the bin afterwards) can be a big help.

Also, your work is great. I love the artstyle :]

That's a good point... I spend entirely too much time shut into the studio life with the computer screen burnt into my eyes. I ended up going out and bought a bagel and went to the top of the parking garage to watch airplanes landing. Must've been a weird sight, tired looking girl just waiting for planes, but the sun felt good.

I guess this post was that first step of opening up.

Forcing yourself to do things that matter (not just what you feel matters at the moment) can help. I dropped out of school twice because I had literally 0 motivation to leave the house or anything like that, but then i started feeling like a big dumb idiot faggot and i didnt want to be a big dumb idiot faggot so i got back into school and used most of my spare time studying and looking for scholarships/grants and shit (got some decent ones so i can actually finish school now and got pretty decent grades). Basically if you let yourself feel like a big dumb idiot faggot youll start being more of a big dumb idiot faggot and thats not good!

Woof. Sounds like you're having a really rough time. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

Speaking as someone who's been through this, these all sound like classic depression symptoms: lack of sleep, crying yourself to sleep, change in motivation, lowered self esteem, loss of interests, not eating.
You're checking all the boxes here.

And depression sucks. A lot. It doesn't always need a reason to make you hate yourself and want to sit inside alone all day doing nothing but binge-watching netflix.

And while some of this advice here is great (and some of it is so-so), the best thing you can do for yourself is seek professional help because it's unlikely that you'll be able to think yourself out of this on your own. Advice like "go and do it even if you don't want to" and "exercise" and "get sun" is great - seriously it is and you should try it - but it treats lack-of-motivation as the problem. It isn't the problem. It's a symptom. And you can treat it all you want but it won't fix the chemicals in your brain. I know because I spent months with my depression trying to self-motivate myself out of it. I tried everything. I exercised daily, got sun, changed all my habits. But at the end of the day I was still unhappy. And the truth was that I couldn't do it on my own, and there's absolutely no shame in that.

Right now, you're probably hella frustrated in yourself because you got yourself into this mess and you can't get out. I know I felt like a failure when I found myself in that place. But I promise it's okay. It doesn't make you a failure or a worse person or any of that. It's totally okay to struggle and ask for help. If what you're dealing with is hard, then it's hard. Doesn't matter if other people have it "hard" or "harder" than you do. You have your own struggle, and that's real. And you should feel good about coming on here and asking for help. It means you're taking steps to put your life back together, which is awesome.

Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions, or you want to chat about things like this. I have a pretty decent amount of experience with depression, anxiety, and therapy, and am happy to listen.

Good luck!
There will always be bad days, but eventually the good ones will come back, too.

Do something completely out of the ordinary.

About your grades thinking about will make you not want to do it. I don't know know if this will work for you but try to just follow the directions on an average assignment or homework. Don't think about it , don't add anything just read comprehend and complete. For projects I usually think of an idea an roll with it. I find that if you think about too many variables and don't keep it simple the project becomes too complicated and falls flat because it is too hard for your teacher to find the parts their rubric asked for. Go for the things that gets you the A+ and make sure your teacher can see it. And remember there is always someone or something in the world that needs your talents or skill. Don't stress the future.

Edit: oh and join book club or write/read poetry you meet some interesting people and keeps you busy
"Go with the flow"-MF DOOM

Don't let the blues get you down. Try some new things that you've been meaning to try out and relax.

this might not be the most popular opinion here but:

don't be scared of medication. there's nothing to be ashamed of if your anxiety is getting in the way of your happiness.

you have depression, sorry

Thanks for the responses so far. I'm definitely going to look into talking to someone over these next few months.

I think what's held me back from talking is that my life conditions aren't bad at all, they're actually quite good. I have had several people in my life with much worse problems that seem to be fine- it's always a trouble to admit I'm upset for whatever reason, it's like why am I feeling like this when there's people way worse off? Are they thinking 'Oh Jas is so privileged why would she be depressed?'.

[I know that's mostly not true, I made a vague post on Facebook asking how people coped with anxiety/depression and got a mountain of responses, texts, and messages over Steam of people reaching out and making sure I've been okay. I cried even more.]

sleep, read, eat well, discipline

Motivation/Inspiration is 90% discipline. Put yourself in the mode to do great things — fake it if you have to for a while — eventually it'll happen.

Do or do. There is no do not. There is no try.

+1 gym. I've been going for a month and I feel great. I've started to sleep a bit better and I'm having less trouble focusing on important things like studying for finals. It took me about 2 years of wanting to go to the gym to finally sign up, if you have the money don't wait, sign up!

When I was feeling blue during my first semester of college I just told myself it's a phase that'll soon pass, and that devolved into full blown depression pretty quickly. You shouldn't marginalize your feelings, especially if you're at a point where you're still strong enough to do something about it.

The obvious advice is to seek professional help. And don't be afraid to change psychiatrists if you're unhappy with them. My first shrink screwed me out of my parents' money. The second may have saved my life.

From personal experience, I found that the thing that helped most was doing something. Anything. It doesn't have to be studying, or work, or illustrating. Just walk around outside for a bit every morning. If you don't want to go outside, just walk around your room like 10 times. Rearrange your socks in color coordinated order. Unfurl a roll of toilet paper and then roll it back up again, just to prove you can (don't do this, it takes fucking forever, and it doesn't come out looking right and you just feel shitty right back again). I think that feeling of being able to do something, even if it isn't necessarily what you think you should be doing right now, goes a long way to recovering your self worth and confidence.

You mention your friends and boyfriend, but you're forgetting the two people in the world you love you more than anyone. I know it can be embarrassing to share with your parents anything personal, let alone something so hefty, but even despite the million times they've disappointed you throughout your life, they'll come through for you when you need them most.

I was pretty fortunate in my experience. While I was suicidal, I never seriously tried to follow up on the thought, and the depression cleared up after about an year before I even noticed I was getting better. Just don't forget, and forgive the aphorism, that there's light at the end of the tunnel. Unemployment is a serious issue, but everyone gets a job eventually, even if it isn't as quickly as you'd like.

You mention that you're privileged. If you can spare the money, find a tutor for one of the classes giving you trouble. It'll let you focus on your other classes, and clear up your grade problems in no time (not sure how this applies to illustration majors; the point is, don't be afraid to ask for academic help. Even your professors and TAs are generally sympathetic to anyone willing to show up during office hours, and some even outright re-teach you the material if nobody else shows up.)

Life is hard to walk through alone, but I think you'll find most people around you are more than happy to help you out with your situation, and I don't mean just your friends and family. Your college has resources for you. Use them.

Take walks in a forest or something calm like that, if you don't like it the first couple of times then just stop but i found it to be one of the best things to do when i was feeling down or in general. Also physical activity apparently helps with depression.

Best ways to deal with depression usually includes, healthy eating habits, light-moderate exercise, spending time in the sun, and spending time with loved ones or pets (like a dog or cat not a fish).

You'd probably enjoy going on a walk with your boyfriend on a sunny day and plan a picnic.

Basically just make plans to go DO stuff outside (or partially outside), with people you love, and don't eat junk food all the time IF you do.

One thing you need to accept is that things will definitely work out for you. You might not get what you want when you want it, but as long as you don't fall into a downward spiral of "life sucks, nothing works out for me, I'm not gonna try anymore," then you'll be fine. It's so easy to just say "fuck it. I don't care anymore," and then do nothing.

You don't have to be irrationally optimistic 24/7, but really, just accept that things will work out for you.

Well...

be scared of medication.

not even trolling. the last thing anyone needs is a daily dose of uppers in their mid 20s. shit messes with your brain and can lead to addictions.

last resort at best.

He's right, smoke a joint instead.

soak up dat sun bro

Welp, pissed off the boyfriend since I've been so busy and pretty much bombed this entire year's worth of illustration courses. Pretty sure graduation is set back yet another year and I can't really afford to take a 7th. Fuck this and I was just starting to feel a bit better.

My parents are fantastic... I just can't ever open up all my problem since I know they'll worry about me while they have enough to think about. Well they already have one genius child so there's no need for me I guess...