Comrades, President Obama needs your help to raise everyone’s awareness of how the government shutdown is utterly ruining everyone’s lives and destroying everything in its path, and all at the behest of those greedy, evil anarchists, arsonists, extortionists, bomb-throwers, flame-throwers, terrorists, fearmongers, hatemongers, hostage-takers, killers, murderers, and thieves that make up the Tea Party Republicans, who are holding their guns, including assault weapons, to the heads of the American people, strapping explosives to the chests of children, and chowing down on kittens and puppies and bunnies while forcing everyone else to starve to death!

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