http://i.imgur.com/TrRVIxb.jpg

Linkuser lf gxl team bby

Just want to have fun and chill.

Scout lvl at plat UGC and ESEA-IM

I'm going, can't wait.

I don't really know the answer to that question. I think that's something you'll have to figure out yourself or with help from someone that understands the mind or how people function. I wish you the best though.

I put scout povs of scrims and stuff here.

Woohoo

https://www.youtube.com/user/MarLinkuser

You're not a bad person for reacting this way. The way you reacted was a way for you to try and cope with what was happening. Shutting down and shunning all your emotions as well as other people, rather than addressing them is how different types of people cope. I reacted in a similar way with my family after my mom had snapped. However, after a few years like this I learned it was better not to react this way as it started bubbling to the surface at times despite my efforts stop it. You should try and talk to the people you still care for about how you feel.

I really hope your family is able to work through these issues someday then, and I empathize with how difficult it can be. I was fortunate enough to have my parents admit and address the issues, although it takes a lot of work and time to change. You're a really cool guy tagg. As hard as it is, don't let it completely envelop and affect your life. I wish you the best man.

Although I post very rarely, tonight I wanted to type out something to help myself relax a little bit. Talking about different things, whether it be my past or current state generally help me to calm and fall asleep.

Specifically though, I'm going to share a big part of my life story, with the events that have led me to developing myself as a person today.

I'll start with as far back as I can remember with my parents, around the age of 5~6. Although only snippets of memories remain from this time, I still remember a few things. Growing up, my family has had its fair share of issues, same as any other family might have. My father lived in another state at the time, separate from my mother and myself along with 5 or 6 of my siblings. He was doing school as well as starting up a business to support our family. However, because of the time commitment and distance that my father had between my family, things had trouble functioning properly.

My mother is blind, and has had a history of dealing with a few different mental illness's, although she is currently doing well and working hard to overcome them. With this burden she had during that time being mostly a single parent alone, it was difficult for her to cope with things. As her state deteriorated over time, the effects became apparent as she took out her frustrations on the people around her. She had anger problems as well as emotional, which led to her being very unpredictable and volatile. As a young child, and up into my teenage years I didn't truly understand this. I thought my family was "normal" in the sense that we functioned the same as most families did. I wouldn't realize the difference until Jr. high.

Back to my mother. As I said earlier, she took out her frustrations on the people around her. Unfortunately, that meant myself along with my siblings. During the time separated from our father, my mother was abusive physically and mentally, using different methods of punishing us when she was upset. This ranged from beating us in different ways, humiliating us through mocking and screaming, to locking us in rooms for almost entire days alone. The relationship I had with my mother at this time was mostly of fear, due to not wanting to endure the wrath that she would have upon us. I did not realize what she was doing was wrong, however, as she kept us almost entirely at home except for the essential things like school, grocery shopping, etc. Along with this came times where police had come to visit our home, due to the conditions people would see us in as we traversed in public. This also only led to a fear of policemen as well as government officials, as I believed they would take me away from the people I loved and cared about.

Around the age of 10, my family moved to the state that my father worked in, and we lived together in the same house. At the time, I thought it was the most wonderful thing to have, seeing as my entire family was living together again. I had rarely seen my father in times before, so I was very excited and optimistic towards the future. This didn't happen though, and things within my family only worsened. My mother not only continued just as she had before with her abuse, but also would constantly fight with my father. Along with this, my father ignored all the abuse that my older sisters tried to talk to him about, and only assured them that my mother loved us. The fights that my parents had would concern neighbors who called authorities. Police visited our house several times along with Child Protective Services to break up fights and check on the welfare of myself and my siblings. But I still didn't trust anyone outside of my family, and lied constantly to them so I wouldn't be taken away.

Because the move caused me to be "home-schooled - We had not had schooling for 3 years" during 2-4th grade, I actually missed out on all schooling during those years. By a miracle, myself and my two older sisters took placement tests and made it into the proper grades when we returned to school. (I went straight into 5th grade from 1st) I will never know how we managed to do so, but I will always be thankful for this. School was alright, but it began to unravel something I had never seen before, and made me question how my family functioned. After making a friend and actually socializing with people, I saw something that left me almost shocked. I had a sleepover with my friend, and was absolutely astonished to see that his parents didn't yell at each other all the time. The mother didn't constantly explode in fits of anger, and didn't punish the children in ways that my mother did. This left me confused for a time, up until 9th grade when my family deteriorated and fell apart.

Despite the past several years of abuse, fear, confusion, etc. that I had, I still had faith with my family. This changed when my mother finally snapped completely and did something that has scarred my family. All of my younger siblings (I had 8 at the time) were kidnapped by her on a Sunday, and taken away in a pickup truck without us knowing. We realized something was wrong that day, but didn't know where they all went for a few days. My mother finally called my dad and revealed what she had done, and where she was. She had taken my siblings and hid in another state, and was not going to come back. My dad got involved with several different organizations at this point, including police, CPS, and a personal investigator. They were all working to bring home my family and to prevent my mother from doing something to harm my siblings. Again, my mom changed location after promising to return, coming back to our own state and hiding an hour away form us, before revealing she had split up my siblings and sent them all into different illegal foster homes so we would never see them again. Her eventual plan was to ship them all out of America, so that we would have no chance of possibly recovering them. However, by another miracle, she turned up in a court that my father had summoned her with, and won full custody of my siblings due to her being completely mentally unstable. This allowed us to bring home all of my siblings, after about a 6-7 month period of not seeing them.

Since this time, my entire family has been working to recover. My mother, father, and most of my siblings so far have been to counseling to work out all the things we have struggled with due to the years of struggle. I forgave my mom about 2 years ago, and am helping her with my siblings. My dad is much much more involved in my family and apologized for everything that happened. Both my parents understood their mistakes, and the impact it had on my family. All of us are working our best to help each other and fix what has been hurt of lost. It's been a few years since the incident, and there are still many holes that are apparent.

For myself personally, I have struggled with a bit of depression, hiding my emotions, not building relationships with others at all, and shutting myself into a bubble that turns all blame for situations upon myself. I've been going through some therapy to work through these problems, and so far am doing well. As the oldest boy in my family, I also am a huge support for all my sisters and younger siblings. They usually prefer to talk to me first, rather than either of my parents. I'm here as a person they can trust to understand and love them no matter the situation they're in. Despite my family's issues, I love all of them dearly and wouldn't trade them for anyone else.

This was a very rough outline of some of my life, but I wanted to write tonight to help relieve some of the anxiety on my heart. Sometimes I just start panicking and have trouble calming down without talking to someone. Writing is a good way to do that. Thanks everyone.

Sounds good, I'll be needing that to get frag vid material.

What does a 144hz monitor even do?

Just managed to talk to him yesterday. He might be able to give me a ride, says he'll know sometime in June. Hopefully it works out.

I would really love to go to this LAN event, but I need a ride. I live in Lafayette IN, but I haven't been able to contact Mr_Owl. Could anyone help me out?

I've tried that and re-installed the game already. No dice.

Never used a demo config or turn script for demoman. I'm not sure what to do. @_@

Yeah, I've tried that. Didn't work at all. :T