The way you're writing shows how old you are. Sorry.
I get the kind of writing style you were going for, maybe a David Foster Wallace-esque way of describing settings and emotions with no dialogue? I don't know, but the way you wrote it seems like you just used a thesaurus on every other word. Don't write like that.
You don't need fancy words to make a good piece of writing. Look at this story by Heiko Julien: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/sex-is-real-and-it-affects-the-future/
Notice how he describes the settings, emotions, and everything else without using insanely complex words.
Moving past your word usage, the entire styling of the story is kind of...unnecessary?
Not unnecessary in a sense, but the writing style does NOT fit at all. The way Heiko writes in his story works because, in the story, he is high off of cough syrup and goes to a mall. Writing in a jumbled, stream-of-consciousness manner works in that story because he can't even think straight.
You, on the other hand, are writing about going to a LAN. You don't need to write like this. You can, and I think you could pull it off, but judging from what I just read, I think you need to try a lot harder.
Try rewriting it, and instead of using needlessly complex words, try using words that are simple but flow with all the other words. That's the key to writing a good piece in the style you're going for.
edit: http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1929199-LAN-The-Experience