I definitely liked certain aspects of this video but I really think your technical skill is holding back your creativity. Here are my thoughts:
1. I don't think I've ever seen a video that has had static third person cameras that I've thought looked particularly good - you should try to learn how to create smooths for your videos as this will definitely help to make frags in your videos memorable when paired with music syncs. There are various tutorial videos for this that you can find whether you do it using only HLAE or HLAE and Cinema 4D. That said, I really liked the way you used some of the third person (the airshot on snake for example) and the effort is great.
2. Flashy transitions can definitely have their place but you used far too many strange transitions like radial wipes for seemingly no reason. Simple can work very well! I find quick fades, wipes and pushes (add some blur for these) to be the most enjoyable and non-distracting to watch.
3. There were a couple of easily solvable 'quality of life' issues that I noticed. Firstly the game audio was way too quiet and I couldn't hear it at all - this may be personal preference but I personally think you should have made the game audio a lot louder. Secondly, you may want to install casting essentials so that you can highlight the killfeed for the player getting the frag in a clip. If you don't do this it can sometimes be hard to tell how many frags a player got in a clip and (imo) takes away some of the feeling of seeing an insane frag.
With all of this said, I still think you made a good video and you shouldn't feel disheartened at all by anything anyone has said in this thread or on youtube. You did a lot of things well and as you learn more your videos are going to become really enjoyable to watch I think.
Hope some of this helped. Keep making good videos!