well you see when you win international events and bring money back to russia to spend then russia is very happy. In teamfortress 2 you travel for a "esport" event and lose money, in dota 2 and othergames you can win money so russia wants to allow others to represent russia and make money win win situation.

What a surprise you have a vac ban as well

The first part of your post you act like a SJW warrior over the fact that someone called you a triggerword, then you get upset and insult someone else to make yourself feel better. Despite the fact that you are the one who bought cheats to make yourself seem as the all-powerful engie main you strive to one day be, you say others are psychos who desire power over others.

I'm sure you're going to say "I was trolling xD cx" but the fact of the matter is you literally paid for cheats and then got banned. Battlemagoo, you trolled yourself.

You're honestly doing a great job so don't get hard on yourself because your life isn't what you want to be now. A book that really helped me in better understanding things in my own life and the way I was feeling was Cognitive Mood Therapy for Dummies. While my situation isn't the same as yours, I definitely understand how you could have been toxic since I was the very same and I'm proud of you for staying positive about the future of your life.

Gamers, just remember that no matter how bad someone is at a video game and how toxic they are themselves, that this behavior is often a reflection of their lives.

You rejecting the dependence on drugs is significant as you understand very well that your happiness needs to come from within. I'm not sure your fitness levels but honestly just working out whether it be cardio, weight training, or even hippy workouts does wonders and whenever I start feeling sad, I just go run the hardest I possibly can.

If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, play TF2 with or just talk about problems, everyone needs a friend to talk to so please don't be intimidated to add me.

There are quite a few people who think depression is equivalent to feeling sad, so yeah it's easy for them to say oh yeah I was depressed once but not anymore. It's always going to be a fight, as long as you're aware of this one day maybe you'll overcome it. Make everyday your day, life is beautiful and you just need time to find your purpose. Luckily we'll be here for quite a long time, so we can dominate life and be happy one day at a time.

Life is awesome and you are too. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.