It's not a recent emotional experience per se, but over the past 2 years or so I've noticed this phenomenon where people around me that I consider(ed) my good friends have seemingly abandoned contact with me for no apparent reason.
I used to be best friends with this chick from texas that I met through high school debate. We were the definition of partners in crime; whenever we met at tournaments we would go off and explore the surrounding town way into the night, and we talked philosophy and politics all the time over aim. We kept in touch for the first couple years of college, but then she just stopped responding to facebook messages, calls, texts; any attempt made to contact her was met with silence and being functionally ignored. Eventually I just stopped bothering. Finally, last christmas, I sent her a text for the first time in about 2 years, wishing her a merry christmas, and got the following in response: "daww, merry christmas frey." I was so happy I cried. I thought that finally, after so long, whatever was preventing her from talking to me was no long er an issue. So I responded and said something like "it's been too long kiddo; we should catch up one of these days!" No response from her since then. I realized after a week that nothing had changed and she was just throwing me a bone with no intentions of actually being friends with me again.
That was one of the most soul-crushing moments of my entire life. Not knowing why someone stopped talking to you and having no way to find out why you're being ignored because they won't talk to you is easily top 3 worst feelings in the entire spectrum of human emotions. And then getting a tiny sliver of hope only to be disappointed once more.
Not all of the experiences I've had with slowly losing a friend have been as painful as this, but I can't help feeling like I'm losing pieces of myself as they fade away, and I watch powerlessly. Even my best childhood friend who lives a couple towns over doesn't seem to ever have any time or any desire to hang out. I can't even remember the last time where they were the ones suggesting we out; it's always been me trying to find ways to spend time
I just don't know what to do. I don't think I've done anything to drive them away, and I can't pick up on any clues as to why this is happening.
All I want is to not be left in the dark.