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ETF2L Pre-Season Companion

posted in News

January 11, 2014

Welcome to what will hopefully be a fairly objective and concise look at the forthcoming season of European Team Fortress 2, more precisely the teams set to feature in Division 1 and the Premiership. If you clutch this companion guide in your sweaty little paw, tonight when a panel of experts pour golden, syrupy insight in to your lugholes live on Fully Charged EU, you might just find yourself in a frenzied state of hype... but hold off on getting that Epsilon tattoo until I've illuminated you a little.

Provisional Changes

It's been one week since ETF2L opened the signups for their seventeenth season of six on six competition... well eighteenth if you count that questionable AFS malarkey. The furnace of competition has been fired up; old teams have been smelted down and new ones cast, whilst others have chosen to endure the heat for another season.

Continuing their progressive stance on unlocks the admin team have bestowed upon us The Loose Cannon, The Force-A-Nature, The Buff Banner, The Concheror, The Diamondback and The Widowmaker on top of last season's arsenal, but with the get-out clause that this is only a "provisional" list. You can see it all beautifully visualised over at Whitelist.tf, where you can also download the whitelist. Who knows? Maybe you'll even play with them before you pass judgement.

We also see the arrival of Coalplant to the map pool; a king of the hill map that has most recently featured in ESEA Season 15 and is the spiritual successor the Ashville which has been played in North America for several seasons prior. Unfortunately the math dictates that one map had to be dropped from the pool to facilitate each map being played twice in the seven week season. So we bid farewell to another North American import, after only one season of play in Europe. Reportedly having lost the battle for your affections, dismissed due to "some poor feedback, and general dislike of the map": Metalworks, I hardly knew ye.

So that gives us our bearings as to where we are headed, but in order to understand what lies in wait on the road to Season 17 we had best take a look behind us to what has happened since the dust settled on Season 16's lamentable Grand Final.

Dead Teams

Even when you take in to account those teams that earned promotion last season, both the Premiership and Division 1 are looking sparse right now with four places laying unclaimed in each division. Spare a thought for your plucky Division 2B champions Auto Anime struck down in their prime by the sort of malaise that has been threatening to kill off our scene since Paul 'TCM Evil' Doyle first uttered the immortal words "TF2 is dead". They will not be claiming their rightful place in Division 1.

Gone too are the doomed-from-the-start military conscripts, ahvaT hA neshariM; soviet stalwarts, HoverCrabs; the once tipped-for-greatness heroes of DreamHack, Saints -- their star burned too brightly; and most surprisingly The MIPC Organization, the last bastion of high level Finnish Team Fortress 2. Truly, the end of an era.

In the Premiership we saw the sparks of potential fizzle out when Reverto failed to make the playoffs and subsequently folded, despite the best efforts of the führer. Perhaps inevitably, considering the gulf in ability between each of them, the top three teams all folded, with several members of the old guard stepping back from the bright lights and scrutiny of top level competition. The departure of a burned-out Byte spelt the end for Tea See Emm, regardless of an impressive third place finish. Then there was the apparent self-destruct of Willy Wonkas Chocolate Factory A.K.A. PLAY or BAN triggered by KnOxXx's meltdown in the Grand Final, although by that stage Zebbosai had already confirmed he would be departing the team for a new project.

Last, but by no means least, we must pay our respects to Epsilon eSports -- the slayers of yanks, the world champions, undefeated in over a year and ultimately bored to tears by winning everything in Europe with nary a bead of sweat forming on their immaculate brows. Even in this last season, when they had brought in a rookie medic, cut back on playtime and numlocked's love affair with League of Legends had foretold their demise long in advance, none could rise to their challenge. The Premiership will be a less predictable place for their loss, but it may well be that the bar has forever been lowered. Have we seen the high tide for competition in Europe? Ask me again in August.

Returning Teams

Now with the lengthy obituaries of a watershed season out of the way we should probably see how the rest of what's left are managing their preparations and aspirations for Season 17. With teams only returning from their holiday season hibernations it's hard to judge form, and to be honest I would hardly want to risk another biting riposte from Poop.

The Last Resort

Season 16: Premiership -- Finished 4^th


Mirelin	HYS	kalhó	Rising	Kiler4fun	Rake

After a late entry to the running for Season 16 and subsequent roster turbulence, it seems HYS has decided to clean out his squad before signing up this time around. Stepping back is disenchanted medic, Evilmoon, who has been scratching the itch that is World of Warcraft as far back as the Season 16 campaign, to the detriment of his performances and motivation to compete. Enter fan favourite and former Medic of the Season, Mirelin, in his return to Premiership competition after a post-broder hiatus. He will surely be disappointed to find that his nemesis, numlocked, is nowhere to be seen -- who will star in his YouTube videos now? Nadir has also departed the roster after a rocky probation period where he attempted to make the leap from Division 2 demoman to Premiership roamer with mixed results. He has been promptly replaced by "ready-made roamer" and Reverto refugee, Rising. Rumours of further cuts have proven to be unsubstantiated; HYS confirms this is the final roster.

Season 17: Guaranteed a spot in the Premiership

Evokate Gaming

Season 16: Premiership -- Finished 6^th


Bulle	Exon	Tek	T-Mac	Plapla	Flippy

Only one change here with kustom3 calling time on his medic career with Evokate, citing an age gap between himself and his youthful colleagues and a general sense of boredom with the game. As a result Bulle has been poached from rivals, Team Decerto, to officially make this roster a 50:50 amalgamation of Punchline and PyRo|GEN players -- mon dieu! The death of Epsilon seems to have been encouragement enough for Tek to declare that the French will be giving TF2 their full attention this season, "we are looking demo and tryhard stuff". He will also remain in the pocket role after the previous mid-season switcharoo with T-Mac proved fruitful.

Season 17: Guaranteed a spot in the Premiership

Team Decerto

Season 16: Premiership -- Finished 7^th & Won Relegation Playoff


Hildreth	???	zoob	Shifty	Sheepy	???

Definitely the team that has been hardest to pin down in my pre-season research. When I first did squeeze a little information from Hildreth it was that he had being experimenting with a switch-up from demoman to medic in what seemed a fairly desperate attempt to restock a roster that had been raided by Gauls, Britons and retirement: medic Bulle to Evokate, roamer Poopshow to a mysterious UK consortium and scout Furbo to a life of leisure. Part-timer rocket slinger, Shifty, had stepped up to own the roaming role, but they also had a laundry list of potential trials for the demoman and scout spots: WARHURYEAH, kr4tos, huhy, Razorsedge, Herr_P, Dennia and Septique to name but a few... and many of these names recur throughout this article. More recently, Hildreth's preference for highlander and indifference to keeping the team alive has been apparent, with the team courting medics including BaR and Screwball. Now it has emerged that Shifty's poor attitude in game is becoming a divisive issue; if they do continue, it will likely be without him. I can't watch!

Season 17: Guaranteed a spot in the Premiership, if they don't fold

Update: kr4tos and Razorsedge join the roster, and slate on trial as soldier.

LEGO

Season 16: Division 1 -- Finished 1^st


F2	Dr. Phil	Natural	Crizzl	zen	helberg

This Danish band of brothers were more than content to take a season in Division 1 to mature, shying away from the Premiership until they had earned the right to compete the old-fashioned way. Now they stand before you as champions, chests out, united by a mother tongue and an enjoyment of the game that is often lacking in the dead-eyed competitors that sell their souls season after season for a shot at glory. The archetypal European medic has returned to the halls he once ruled as king; all hail F2! His majesty informed me that there would be no roster changes and coyly declared his sole ambition for the season was to "not get demoted :>".

Season 17: Guaranteed a spot in the Premiership

Fenneks eSports by SimRai.com

Season 16: Division 1 -- Finished 3^rd


skeej	???	???	KillAri	delzic	gf18_idiot

Perhaps Fenneks would have benefited from some of that LEGO modesty last season when we saw them lay claim to a Premiership spot, before being beaten by the narrowest of margins in the pre-season playoffs and later failing to earn promotion through the main season. Yet here they are back again contesting a spot in the Premiership. They are currently seeking a pocket replacement for the Canada-bound Salmon, with potential suitors including MInd, KLar and slate. Add to that the departure of a demoman, Suqper, who himself was a mid-season replacement for kr4tos who is technically still on the bench, but currently being overlooked in favour of other candidates including huhy and sickless. Despite all these question marks, you could argue that having completed a season together they have as much right to a shot at a seat at the big table as any of these other hopefuls we will encounter. This one is on the admins.

Season 17: Guaranteed a spot in Division 1, applied for the Premiership

Update: skeej confirms that slate out of the running for soldier spot. *kr4tos leaves the roster for Team Decerto.

4-25

Season 16: Division 1 -- Finished 4^th


Dikker	Death	lippy	Sean John	sid vicious	???

I think it's fair to say Season 16 was a breakthrough for these guys, at least they earned a few fans in the pre-season playoffs when they cleaned house as complete unknowns. During the main season they were unable to contest the promotion spots in Division 1 and lost mercurial scout, msh, in a bizarre walkout during the dimming light of November. When the season's proceedings came to an end his scout sidekick, yangpie, would jump ship too. Journeyman scout sid vicious has stepped in to the void, but the search continues for a partner from a pool of hopefuls including Spicy, kensi, TrackeR and reko. Now pocket soldier, Anak, has thrown a spanner in the works, surrendering to the struggle to find his motivation on the cusp of Season 17. To make things worse his wingman roamer, comedown, has also decided to drop out in a show of solidarity. Unfamiliar to me at least, lippy and Sean John have been drafted at short notice to repair the damage. This many roster changes may subject them to the whims of the team hijack rule, yet with so many spots available in Division 1 what would be the point?

Season 17: Guaranteed a spot in Division 1

Update: kensi confirmed as new scout.

d-d-Did I Stutter?

Season 16: Division 1 -- Finished 5^th


Hat	Brego	Funkadelic	Linus	Buttnose	Thalash

Another season, another missed opportunity for the team that made speech impediments cool. In fact, they have regressed from a Season 15 Bronze medal to wallow in fifth place for Season 16. For shame! Pipe God, Brego, appeared on their roster in January, clearly having been too nice to just say no, which has freed up Funkadelic from demoman duties to play pocket. That is, if his internet connection allows him -- as one also afflicted with pototo internet, I feel his pain. A possible rejig is on the cards, with Hat posed to reclaim the pocket role he held in Team Infused and BaR tipped as the aspirant healer if Eircom don't sort their shit out. Cut Thalash while you're at it lads. Cheers. Worth noting that kaidus would likely have ended up here if a better offer had not come his way. Small mercies and all that.

Season 17: Guaranteed a spot in Division 1

We dont care...

Season 16: Division 2A -- Finished 1^st


duff	nwdlz	Berv	???	Mr.Epic	???

You might recognise them from coverage of the Pixling.ru LAN in Moscow last year. Formerly home to ShaDowBurn, Russia's answer to MGE Mike, who has since joined a rogue element to be featured later. They had hoped to replace him with lippy who, as mentioned, signed on the dotted line for fellow vodka swillers 4-25. So I guess they will be scrambling for a Plan B with 5 days until divisions are announced. That being said they should have little to fear, having won their way in Division 1, but they are also on the market for a new scout to replace fat0n who made for the exit in December. I understand that atomic is being headhunted for the position, with kaitech taking a backup role. Their aspirations of challenging for promotion may have to be dialled down now that they find themselves without a recognisable roamer in the pre-season.

Season 17: Guaranteed a spot in Division 1

Hard Gaming

Season 16: Division 2A -- Finished 2^nd


Dingo	Adrenaline	Giusepinho	Asso	carnifex	sorex

My insight to the Italian scene has never progressed beyond that dashing bastard Simonine that used to wow me on the BBall court. However, I do have the privilege of playing highlander with sorex, so I will go out of my way to tip him as one to watch on the scattergun. No changes made to the roster that finished behind We dont care, although with Italian being the prefered method of communication I would imagine there is a piccolo pool of talent available. Sure they missed out on direct promotion, but again with many spots available I could see them in Division 1 for Season 17. I know nothing.

Season 17: Guaranteed a spot in Division 2, applied for Division 1

AUTOBOTS

Season 16: Division 2B -- Finished 2^nd


WildFire	JakescRzyy.	SteveyJJ	WOODY[	Koeitje	kim

Another group of silver medallists intent on blagging their way in to Division 1, only this time with a distinctly English flavour. No changes to this roster either. You might remember JakescRzzy. being heralded last season as numlocked's protégée -- which I guess amounts to being a runner-up demoman of the season? Bwhaha! Anyway, now the master and the apprentice find themselves on the same team, although I get the feeling that Seb Barton is just there in case of emergencies along with a plethora of other roster riders who don't even deserve to be named... OK! I give in! Gubbins. As always the case, the threat here is that these capable players will try hard if give a division placement they deem worthy. I bet Division 1 are terrified!

Season 17: Guaranteed a spot in Division 2, applied for Division 1

Superstars only

Season 16: Division 2B -- Finished 3^rd


CommanderX	???	TausoN	Sonny Black	drleånn	???

From silver medals to wooden spoons here as we reach the bottom of the returning signups barrel. Having lost a decidedly decent demoman in the form of Kounaa at the end of Season 16, CommanderX is trying his best to woo the real winner of Insomnia 49, WARHURYEAH. In addition, they are also seeking a scout to replace crouton who moves to a backup role. Every scout I've already mentioned as trialling for any team is a potential candidate it seems, and I also garnered that konr and xzr may find refugee here this season as backups in this revamped roster.

Season 17: Guaranteed a spot in Division 2, applied for Division 1

Update: Dennia likely to take scout spot, says CommanderX.

New Teams

Back in November LEGO's own pocket, Natural, actively encouraged people to band together with their countrymen in his article "Thoughts on Nationality in European TF2". Lo and behold in Season 17 we bear witness to a spate of single nationality rosters signing up to compete -- the man is more influential that Jesus... and just like the Wedding Feast at Cana, I've saved the best 'til last. Boom! Bibled.

Made In Germany


ThUn	kaidus	ipz	GeaR	basH	smzi

Everyone knows the English monarchy are just recycled Germans, so squint and you'll see that this is just Team Germany with their new friend Herr Kaidus. Originally even the Germans were as sceptical as you might be at my assertions, having intended to recruit a pureblood deutschlander for their post-Epsilon project. Thy trialled, but didn't make the cut. Brego took himself out of the equation by being evasive and joining d-d-Did I Stutter? Which left the door wide open for your Demoman of the Season, kaidus, to join the party. New father, ipz, seems to have forgotten all about the fact that kaidus and smzi were complicit in kicking him out of Team Infused at the start of last season – I guess they all just hate Swedes now. I don't need to tell you this is a formidable collection of players with an unmatched wealth of experience and awards. No doubt rookie medic ThUn's performances will be scrutinised at every turn around, most likely by me, but the real threat to their success is will be basH insisting he use that damned Force-A-Nature.