what

find something you like and put your heart and soul into it

dont put this shit on the internet cuz in 4 years mike will find it and spam it on ur profile and the forums

Having this sort of thing in your profile description isn't going to help you recover. Surrounding yourself with more negativity is an awful feedback loop to be in, and is incredibly hard to pull yourself out of. I will say you need to do yourself some favors and, not ignore the problems, but not purvey them and make them the very center of your being. You are not an issue, so don't make yourself one. Having a break-up can be awful, and clearly is for you. You need a support group and something to derive meaning from in your life, or at least something that pushes you to keep going until you manage to gather some clarity of mind from healing.

I have no idea how old you are, but shit can get better, no matter where you are. It has to be worked for, even if you aren't working towards something directly.

That's true. I feel like I have a really good support group, but I don't really have any reasons to live. Stuff like friends/ family/ my future has never been enough to stop me, and since I don't really have any strong reasons to live I don't really have anything that's enough to motivate me to stop destroying myself

http://www.teamfortress.tv/20173/demo-lft-low-open#15

you're my little freaaaaaak

yo I love that Lego game my cousin got it for me when I was little and I played the shit outta it. I broke the disk when my brother deleted my main save with everything unlocked p.

.

8:50 PM - tambo: the game music is better than the story anyway

the medication was working and then it suddenly stopped due to the breakup? are ssri' s really that finicky?

Ehh... Not really... When we were together and I didn't take my med's there was a really big difference, so I know that they work, and they still do work, I don't really know how to explain it -__-. They work, but not enough to stop me from doing all this negative stuff, so I guess you could argue that they really aren't working.

no matter how effective they may be i dont think they can replace basic self control lol
probably doesn't help that you randomly go on and off your meds and surround yourself with so much negativity
just get a hobby or find something to do to get your mind off shit

i guess you could argue that its like a psa to dissuade other people from ending up like you did and it can't hurt to talk about it instead of keeping canned up inside
but it seems like you're just wallowing in your misery and self pity instead of actually being proactive to change things
not gonna lie though i didnt watch more than a minute of the video so i may be talking out of my ass

I will say this as someone that's been there: it's really hard when you're in a place where someone can make you so much happier that you're depression subsides, or whatever you'd call it, and then they're gone. It's a strange feeling to derive so much joy from someone else that you forget it's also partially you. For me, it said a lot about my own self image and self worth, so I hope you can make it through that and find something more internal that could be shared with someone, instead of finding it so deeply in someone else. Does that make sense? I hope it did. It's a difficult thing and time to go through, I wish you the best.

I have been taking my med's, if I didn't things would be so much worse for me. I'm kinda wallowing in my misery and kinda trying to be proactive about it. I'm going to therapy, talking to a LOT of people about it, I've called the suicide hotline this month, I called an ambulance on myself twice because I felt like I was about to hurt myself, I've been going out with friends as much as possible to take my mind off of it, I've been forcing myself to eat and exercise, but I'm still doing all this negative stuff at the same time.

aint nothin to it but to do it

I just want to preface this with I am not a psychologist or doctor, literally all of my suggestions hold zero water as they are only from my personal experience.

Do you have your parents support? You say you are 18 and by the sounds of it you still live with your parents.
When I say support I really mean support. For shit like this you HAVE to put your life on hold until you get it figured out, fuck school, fuck video games, fuck all of that extra shit. Figuring out whats going on and how to make it better is your #1 priority, that is your new job, literal job for 8 hours a day. Fix this shit.
You need to sit down with your parents and have a frank talk with them, because from what it sounds like in that video the bare minimum is being done at this point in time and that's not enough. It sounds like you are trying to mask all this shit up and make life normal. Here's the thing, life is not normal right now, life is fucked up. Don't try to hide that, confront it and figure out how to fix it. Doing this is not easy, and it takes time. You need to have people that you trust and that you can talk to and when I say trust I really mean trust. You say that talking to therapists hasn't really seemed to work and I am not surprised at all TBH. Finding some that can help you is not about finding someone with a Dr. in front of their name its about finding someone that you are comfortable with because of how they are as a person, not just because they have a degree. If that means telling your therapist that you don't feel like the relationship you have is working for you then tell them that. As a professional they should understand that people are different and they cant help everyone. I know I had to talk to 3 before I found the guy that really worked for me. Unfortunately this is not always easy to do.

But even with therapy there is no easy thing that you can do to fix this and it takes time, lots of time. It took me close to 2 years before I could say "yeah my life is more or less normal now" 2 Years of being on meds and talking to people, not 6 months, not a year. A full 2 years, and even now, full year later I still have to pay attention to my moods and how I am acting.

The sad thing is I know that me or anyone else can literally say anything and everything to you right now but much of it will be hollow and forgotten by you in a day or so. So all I can really say to you at this point in time is stay strong, and if you care enough to make a video you care enough to try and that's more then I had.

This really helped, thank you.

jesus christ dude wash that foot

My nigga that shits beyond washing

Dependency on your significant other is completely fucked I don't know why everyone actually puts this much stock into a person they probably have known for less than two years.

Because psychologically healthy people don't want to die alone and childless? Nihilism is still the exception, not the norm

all sodomites are nihilists

Not wanting to be alone =/= having a total psychological breakdown because a relationship ends

If you don't have stability outside a relationship it is absolutely selfish to place your stability on a significant other.

Also implying I'm a nihilist is top tier argument skills

Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird,
That cannot fly

stay strong bro