based AND redpilled

irl vent half inspired by recent experiences and half inspired by shoosh’s post (not aimed at u I’m sure u will be one of the good GPs <3)

But seriously what do some GPs actually get paid for? The outcome of my visit is completely determined by who I visit like I went twice this week just because the first guy was so much less help than the second guy.
My friend literally had to have an ovary removed because the GPs kept dismissing her as definitely not having a twisted ovary (guess what she had), and then it got so bad that it died

Again obviously not all GPs, some are fantastic, but I swear is it just me who gets to enjoy the occasional carefree guy paying 0 attention or is this a thing at most places?
Irl vent over

I have been to various doctors several times and the hospital a couple of times (mri and xrays) over the past 3/4 years and every single visit has been totally useless. In not a single case have they helped me or made any real diagnosis. Glad the hospital visits were free but I've wasted too much money on doctors that have done nothing for me. And what's with them trying to get you out of there as quick as possible? If I'm paying for the visit I want to have my full hour or however long I'm booked for. My OG family doctor is great but I haven't lived anywhere near my hometown in years.

So yeah I feel you on that.

Its ironic because (I'm only in my first year of medical school) but by the end of year two/three you're expected to be able to do a cardiovascular and respiratory exam on a patient within 10 minutes. Although both are similar they're quite lengthy. But this is because of the Dr/Patient ratio in the UK (ranges from 1GP/3000 patients to 1GP/1000 patients) and because the quicker you find something with these systems the better the diagnosis. e.g. Aortic aneurysms have a mortality rate of 90% if ruptured and almost 50% if you manage to catch them.

As far as MRI goes I've had a placement in radiology and god damn they're fucking hard to understand, but if registrars and consultants don't find anything in them then it must be nearly impossible to see, they comb through that shit like no other and its all they do for years and years, hence why it can take time to get results. Also, MRI's cant detect everything sadly. Though they're cool af (you can do virtual endoscopy's and you can selectively remove structures you don't want in an image e.g. remove all blood vessels because that's just how good they're getting)

Just be glad that when you have a useless doctor visit it isn't 5600 dollars

About a month ago I ended up with severe psychosis and it was really fucking bad. First of all I thought that some guy had hung himself in my shower then when i went to check i actually saw him hanging from the neck in my shower dead, I was so sure it was real I apparently hallucinated taking him down from the shower and tried to call his family to inform them that he had hung himself in my own shower and this caused me to have extreme panic attacks.

So i freaked the fuck out and then spent the next few weeks in hospital not knowing where or who i was and apparently i was roaming about the hospital and even ended up in the cancer ward where i started roaming about the hospital and ended up saying bizarre things to cancer patients who were dying. I had no idea i was doing this and feel awful but after that the doctors finally took what was happening to me seriously and put me in my own room away from other patients.

Then i started having fits and started showing other bizarre kinds of behavior because i thought i had been in a coma for 20 years and had just woken up and from what I've been told, i was going around the hospital thinking that i worked there and ended up going up to other patients (who were probably dying) and doing bizarre things to them because i thought i actually worked there.

It was honestly the worst experience of my life and i feel awful about it but im still not sure why i did all of these things and everyone (including the doctors) told me it was probably because of LSD or some other drug that I had taken. Now that I remember things more clearly I know that I had not taken ANY drugs prior to my 2-week long hospital stay of complete psychosis but the doctors are still convinced that it was due to drugs. Now I am terrified of my own mental state and i'm worried that I might have some sort of severe mental illness or a brain tumor but they refused to test me on any of those things.

I thought i heard the doctors tell me i had some kind of incurable blood disease and thought i was legit dying and it was terrifying, I was convinced i had days to live and it was honestly the most horrific thing i have ever experienced. I just hope it doesn't happen to me again, even if it was all in my brain, it still all felt real at the time and i haven't really recovered from it yet and my parents had no idea what was going on so they were terrified as well.

i just hope this shit will never happen to me again and i wouldn't wish it on anyone but the doctors were so convinced it was drugs (that I had not been taking) they didn't really look into it.

EDIT: Some more info

I uploaded a video of me dancing (pretty well for a first timer) and basically when making it I thought I was Richard Hammond (from Top Gear)

https://youtu.be/DBCYIuxsKKk

In the description you can read:

"IIf you think you have what it takes to win then youm, over nyou haven't gone high enough yet. All we jnow is that he's the stug. Every Frid. No Jeremy's allowed.

Cadd themseles to apply as a contestant!"

This might sound weird but it was because I was watching top gear and thought i was Richard Hammond and i thought i was making a dance game show and the no Jeremy Clarkson allowed thing was a joke by me (Richard Hammond) who i actually thought i was.

It sounds kinda funny but severe psychosis is really fucking serious. I didn't think i was Richard Hammond, i KNEW i was. Then later in hospital I ended up thinking I had an incurable blood cancer and had days to live and I was so convinced I had days to live, I ended up calling all of my family members to say goodbye. My parents had no idea what was going on and it was horrific.

Basically look after your mental health and don't avoid going to appointments like I had done because trust me you do not want to end up like I did. Thankfully I am fine now but I am going to have to live the rest of my life not knowing if what I am experiencing is real or not and it is horrible.

fire alarm went off at 4 am, took 90 mins for the fire department to get here, and it was a false alarm
i miss winter so much

https://puu.sh/DPm2M/b58a3968f8.png

I seem to have somehow developed a cyst in my ass crack over the weekend. Out of ALL the places to get a cyst why did it have to be my ass?

My wallet apparently got stolen out of my hotel room. Now i'm down a few hundred $ and need to visit the DMV.

skeez disappeared before I could buy him a jaegerbomb

:-) Y'all play any Trombone Champ?

stay the fuck out of my diary

So I've moved into a new house and setting up literally everything has been like pulling teeth. Trying to pay council tax I need a number which I don't have because it is on the first bill you get which evidently i don't have because i just moved in, so trying to get the number requires asking the council which i was on the phone with waiting for 1h+ before giving up. I sent them an email 5 days ago but still fucking nothing so guess i'm not paying council tax lol. next thing was gas and eletric which apparently are on 2 different suppliers so electric went through fine but gas was still on a different company which now won't give up the contract until the 18th so i have to call them then to try and get them to fuck off. next i was ment to have internet today but plusnet sent the router to the wrong address even though i called them twice to sort out the correct address but apparently they're fucking useless so *shrug* so thats gonna be another couple of days. next i orginized out everything really nice so all the various bits and bobs that were being sent to my house were ment to arrive yesterday so i only had to waste 1 day sitting around waiting for stuff but the tv that i ordered off laptops direct just didn't fucking show up and they didn't even bother to tell me it wasn't going to arrive so i rang up this morning (20 min on hold) and they said, yeah looks like its been lost lol we'll ring you in a bit to tell you when its going to arrive. that was at like 10am this morning and so at 3pm i rang up to chase them up (because of fucking course they didn't ring back) so after being on hold for 50mins i want to just cancel it so i don't have to deal with this useless company and the lady tells yeah you can't cancel while its on delivery so just refuse it when it arrives, but i ask her when its going to arrive because it was 'meant' to arrive yesterday and she basically says i dunno lol so who fucking knows when i'm going to either get a tv or my money back. oh yeah and the water meter readings were wrong because the letting agent doesnt know the difference between 27 and 29 so looked and the wrong house so thats another thing i have to sort out because people are fucking useless.

fuck

I've spent the entirety of my time playing this game in any form of competitive being an absolute shithead to everyone around me, whether it be via being a toxic asshole or blaming others for shit I do wrong constantly. Anyone that's played a Lobby or season with me knows that I'm a piece of shit, and it sucks because it's far too late for me to apologize to anyone for it. I want to get back into competitive and actually try this time, but I'm convinced my reputation is permanently ruined.

I feel the worst about ESEA S26, I got picked as Medic for an open team, I don't remember what it was at the time but it's now known as "Simian Aggression" on there. There were several losses in scrims and matches where I was definitely a good part of the reason why we lost and despite being told I need to find a mentor and practice more, I just kept going off the notion that "lmao no, xyz is the problem, I'm doing fine, look at muh logs!" - I became a total asshole and in the last couple of games and scrims I played with them I put zero effort in, and then got cut for it. I'm sorry to the people on that team for not listening and being a dick.

I don't think I've ever brought anything good to any "team" I've been a part of. It took until years after quitting all competitive based play to realize that. Years of blaming others and being a toxic asshole, and now I realize that for the vast majority of it, I'm to blame, that my toxicity and inability to try and stick with a team for more than a short season has led to me having zero friends left that play TF2 regularly or competitively. I regret it all.

This is more of just coming to terms with my stupidity rather than actually ranting, but oh well. I've been needing to open up about it for a long while now.

Though, at least I learned through maining medic to appreciate medics a lot more.

My steam account got self-locked and I tried to solve the issue with steam support and they are the most useless pieces of shit.

I provided them with:

1) credit card info on purchases I made on that account
2) first email used on the account

They said those info were good but I have to send them the ticket number via my first email to "confirm" but it's an email I've haven't used since 2007 and I've tried everything in my power to regain access to said email.

I poured hundreds of dollars into this account and now it's permanently locked out.

A true sign of growth is to fully acknowledge mistakes from the past, able to understand what you did was wrong/not the best thing and being capable of apologizing and fully understanding it's not a path you should take in the future. I wish more people did what you are doing right now.

I grew up in an extremely toxic environment and got bullied every day just because some elitist group liked to make fun of me and everybody else just followed along because of their status. Some years later some of them came to me to apologize for the behaviours they had towards me and even though I still felt a lot of remorse and doubted whether I should just block them away, I had to value how brave they are for acknowledging their mistakes and looking back to what they did, which is not an easy thing to do and as I've said earlier, it shows a maturity sign.

Words are just that, they mean nothing. Time showed me those people genuinely changed because their actions spoke for them, so that's what actually counts. I'm 100% percent sure if you want to start over in this game and keep playing competitively, even though it will be hard as fuck to (re)gain the communinty's trust and be able to make everyone see you in a different way, if you're truly commited, over time your actions will speak for yourself and people will see that. Good luck.

at my job im part of a small team, maybe 9 or 10 people. my boss spends a lot of time telling us to be sure to report issues that we see and to stay on top of things coming up so that it doesnt cause problems for customers. and then the distribution department, without fail, doesnt do a damn thing to fix the problems we report. my boss doesnt have control of them and it drives me up the god damn wall. there are so few people applying for distribution that they wont fire anyone for anything. ive been complaining about the same guy for over 2 and a half years and he is still hired. last christmas season he would literally just show up and leave without doing anything. if anyone tried to force him to do his job he would sneak out when people werent looking. this year it is october and he is already being as negligent as he was last holiday season. and i dont exactly hold any leverage because there are a lot of people who want my job.

ok so i don’t know if im retarded and missing signals or some shit like that but i has a job interview was that supposed to be last friday but then i had to reschedule it and I emailed him on Thursday and the guy was like ok, cool. so then i email him about when to reschedule and he like doesn’t reply. So I wait until Monday to call and the guy was like, yeah, I’m busy right now but I’ve read your email so can you text me what times you’re available on Tuesday and I’ll get back to you in the evening. but like??? he doesn’t respond unless I call him????? like does he want me to call him in the evening????? idfk what this guy wants just ghost me or don’t man what’s this shit. i have a free day tomorrow so i pretty much plan on calling in the morning so this fuckery is over with

euro lobs, demo refuses to do kritz trap and instead tells me to hide so they dont know, I tell them the damn spy can check and see what our shit is, he still doesnt set the kritz trap, so the gates open and I kritz the heavy
the demo asks why he didnt get kritz...

then he runs shield demo rest of the morning for me here in the states, he talks about how no com's lobs are a thing / rule. it really just kills it for the team that has no coms. how can euros play HL lobs with no coms? its cancer. its insane! a sniper on process mid can clean house if the fight goes bad. a sniper can destroy euro lobs. its like a goldmine for sniping for americans and euros that want to mess with people.

also my Invite HL team gets baited, killed for the season because percy and meech. meech asks us to help their team out like hes the team leader, he isnt even a damn team leader. he just baits people into tryouts and kills teams. percy just nods goes on about it saying "nothing you can do about it". Was gunna pay team fees for an invite HL team, then I'm under the assumption that I dont gotta do that, so I pay MY bills and shit and figure we are working with them. Got enough cash for one or two transfers. So now i'm forced with my mate Starykrow to play a bullshit NA team that is Canadian/South American/USA. In the end I'm told im trying out*** for a fucking ugc team... i gotta fucking tryout for a ugc team? as medic? NA is crap now, and I gotta tryout??? I find out Meech isnt even a team leader. Hes banned on RGL and shit, so much stupid bullshit happening right now its insane.

we got yoshi baiting players on tf2 center for his stream running shield demo

everytime ive played a lobby with you you've gotten unreasonably pissed at tf2center players just relaxing and not tryharding. they're lobbies, and you might better success with people fulfilling your weirdly high standards if you stick to pugs and inhouses.

also yeah yoshi is an annoying human being but its out of ur control so please stop taking that anger out on the people around you that are just trying to chill out and play a lobby.

hey its me, the medic, if you didnt know, getting shot in the fucking head sucks, it sucks more when no one says where it came from. meanwhile in EU 1 team does one thing right, repeat ever and over and over, *dontcap* youll end the game way too fast*, its tooo fast, too fast, lets farm them!***

you might as welll go play fucking casual mate.

and dbk? nice self upfrag. get some coms in those lobs man
just because you didnt teach the new comers positioning / places / names doesnt mean its not our fault

no coms = dead game (why) because you are not calling out spots, you are not helping other players LEARN

you're an incredibly bad poster

if i was gunna vent out my anger i would be banned ok (do you know what i mean? )

EDIT: ok if u dont get the joke i can explain on dsicrod ok eevv#6054

HHAHAHAHAHAH MY FUCKING SIDES I CALL THIS GUY IN THE MORINGIN HE TELLS ME TO CALL IN THE AFTERNOON I CALL IN THE AFTERNOON NOW HE TELLS ME TO CALL IN THE EEVENING
fucks sake MAN stg i hate that i need this job and i hate this man fuck you so much fuck your illness ive been chasing u for a week u absolute cunt i dont have any sympathy for u

no im just too honest
and i make typos sue me

medic mains rise up

https://media.giphy.com/media/xKy2w6LehxxHa/giphy.gif

I constistantly put more time into TF2 than my peers but always remain worse. I watch my demos, play MGE despite hating it, and try my best to take criticism from my teammates. Despite all that, I feel as though I'm improving miles slower than the people around me. I dont want to shit out a cheap rationalization and say "Oh I'm just not talented like these other players" because to me that seems like a defeatist attitude that would lock me in my current position of mediocrity.

Improve other aspects of your life. It's all connected. Go work out and make sure your work/school is going well. Try some mental exercises.

I literally cannot seem to improve at medic no matter what I do. Either I die like a retard or I accidentally drop people. I've watched every single one of the videos which get ctrl-v'd here. I just can't shake the feeling that I'm just ruining the game for everyone else on my team because I miss what should be easy arrows and have bad heal efficiency. That means that I feel terrible playing matches where I do shit.

How tf do I improve without playing actual matches?

Also my flatmate apparently plays destiny 2 24/7 or streams or whatever which means my ping is low but I have the worst fucking pingspikes.

Why do i have to remind people to get in mumble before 930 in the year 2019?