pendacomp tf2 has one of the nicer communities and if you're finding it toxic then you're just hanging with the wrong people
TF2 is one of the absolute worst communities in terms of the quality between private circlejerks and larger communities. I've played some really obscure games with a small amount of players, so obviously they'd cling to any newcomers.
Here? Every second post is either a (albeit usually applicable and worth a chuckle) meme, a big name saying something "funny" being upfragged or a nobody giving a skeptical opinion in the minus 20.
By far the best experiences I've had with TF2 were behind closed doors with the same 5 people I've played with for ages. The issue is getting there for anyone new, or anyone who currently feels at loss with the community. Outside semi-exclusive newbie initiatives I don't see how the situation would improve anytime soon if you're not the type to instantly drop into a trial.
I can understand people both liking and hating the TF2 community, but that's probably related to either visiting forums or meeting and chatting with individual people.