Also I was also saving this for the expansion DLC/not to get booted from the TFTV Slack but fuck it.

DreamHack Winter 2016: Battle of the North, hosted by Essentials.TF, streamed on TFTV, post-i58. Still dating.

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I ended up threatening to leave him, he apologized and said he was sorry, and then I apologized to him for being a terrible person to him, overreacting to him changing the stream key, and we forgave and forgot.

I wish I hadn't. I wish I had done it there and then. I'm sorry I backed out.

At this point, Overwatch had been picking up TF2 players and I was convinced TF2 wasn't really worth staying in because he said we couldn't stay here, but I didn't want a stream compromised because of a grudge. This is probably what he cites when he tells our friends that I threatened and tried to smear him and kill his career. So, I'll show that side of me to you then, if it means showing you this side of him.

Alright look I was going to save this for my expansion DLC of "how dashner fucked me up and why I'm repeating myself on why people like me and our friends let him get away with these atrocities when we shouldn't have" and I'm probably literally repeating what people have already said that you know too but you haven't listened to, but here's The Classic Uberchain Nerd Essay™ of what happened back when (and why) Pregugate 2018 (and disheartened, well-meaning upset Czech lads who want to beat the shit out of Dashner, nonces, and predators) got met with the response it did and I feel like this is important for others to hear too even if it's disheartening

So, this is not the first time I am hearing about this. Somebody else approached me around the same time telling me "Dashner messaged me saying this wasn't true, he said he was going to reach out to a lawyer about this, and then at some point he deleted all his messages to me about the matter".

I did not have money during that time to be sued with a libel and defamation lawsuit, which in Canada last time I checked, is easier to sue for than in the United States. This man raped me, sexually coerced me, manipulated and gaslit me, and he still had the audacity to see if he could push legal action against me for fucking libel, which is why I basically never dropped his name publicly and tried to resort to private resolution. Is he likely to win? I have no clue (answer is probably no, maybe it's a stronger case now that I have name-dropped him even though what I'm saying is true), but I was not ready to deal with that financially or mentally. He also knows where I live and some of the names of my family members, so in the worst case situation, I wondered if he might blackmail me (he has blackmailed Console in the esports industry for Christ's sake, WHILE DATING HIM) or my family.

I've got logs of him, but since they are written logs and not recorded on audio (where sometimes in various places, there are laws that make recordings invalid due to consent), there's a good chance it can be met with the "lol I didn't type that somebody else like my mom or my cat in the house did" defense. Additionally, how he raped me might not even be considered rape in his jurisdiction. I was 100% on board for Console to push his case legally and brush up on my own legalese and hit up a local crisis center to help me out on it because maybe by 2019 his province's laws would be clearer on what I can and can't do, but after Console confirmed this:

I basically was back to square one of realizing the statistical 6% will probably work against me. Console has an answer for the people who went BU-BUT POLIS??? PROPER AUTHORITIES??? WRONG WAY OF DOING THIS!!! to me. It's not that fucking simple. I know people want it to be because that's how it should work, but it isn't.

Then, there was Console himself.

When Console, still very much in love with Dashner, told me at i65 he thought Dashner was getting better, and apologized on behalf of Dashner: I realized there was nothing I could tell him that wouldn't make him defensive and think I was in the wrong. Dashner still had him. I could tell because I saw myself when I was dating Alex: the troubled and struggling alcoholic who just wanted to make a difference, that I constantly had to apologize for and said I had faith in him that he would be able to become a better person. Not the man who was a monster.

Could I have prevented it with an earlier warning - with how much I've heard Dashner apparently convincingly lie about me and other people? Regardless of if I answer yes or no to this: he fooled so many of our mutual friends, my past partners, my current partners, and this community. He fooled me. Tagg warned me, family warned me, friends warned me. And I didn't listen.

That's the worst part: love for your lover and/or friend. It blinds you to reason and logic, and sometimes it takes ages for what other people, even your closest friends or family, warn you about to make you realize that you've been wrong about the person you're involved with all along. And then, the worst part is when people decide to tell you "I told you so" to your face at your lowest point. As if we didn't feel stupid or like it was our fault already. And the cycle begins.

You probably want the same thing we all do: for victims to be listened to and to be encouraged to speak up. Me and Console agreed that we needed to do so after realizing he hasn't changed since he did it to me, and there will probably be others (and there has been). What you fail to realize (and people have already told you this and said this in this very thread) is that "we need to find a good solution that works" "support and believe the victims" is so insulting and stirs a reaction from people is because, after everybody has stated specific examples of WHY this never works out all the time, it oversimplifies the extent of how complicated, psychologically and systematically difficult it is to listen to victims; due to victim-blaming, doubt of a victim's account, or what you're doing: prioritizing the abuser rather than helping the abuser's current victims first.

You might think this isn't what you're doing and you probably didn't intend for it to come off that way, because of course just like everybody else, you want this monster stopped. But in calling current victims cowards and a part of the problem - which they absolutely end up agreeing with in their guilt and wonder if they should have ended up sacrificing their safety or reputation for somebody who might not even believe them - you drastically oversimplify the situation to the point of offensiveness, even with good intentions. And you end up accidentally - despite your end goal being the same as everybody else's - contributing to victims not wanting to speak up. We are not just afraid of our abusers or the people who will call us liars. We are afraid of people like you.

Also idk if you were being serious about this but:

This has a higher chance to absolutely get you sued and even jailed even if you have a very good reason to do it. This is why sometimes robbers who get the shit beaten out of them for robbing dudes can sue you for assault.

This was probably the wrong decision but by his request, I allowed Dashner to continue working on the film's post-process editing, even after our break-up, the alcoholism, the manipulation and gaslighting, and after being informed that a sexual experience I had with him was rape. Constantly I was told to get out and stop putting myself through it, but I wanted to make sure it was something that the TF2 community could watch and feel proud of, something that would really show how dedicated and passionate our scene is.

Dashner at the time seemed like the only answer since he was there with me during the birth of Ready Up as an idea. I knew he'd put in the most work and make sure it was really good, because that's what he cares about. I did like how Ready Up came out as a final film, regardless of the involvement of Dashner, and I think Dashner and Loris did a fantastic job with it since I had no professional film editing experience myself. But several things happened during the Ready Up process that felt terrible, and they were:

• vacations like ESL NY 2017 being turned into business ventures when realistically we should have separated that, complicating and straining our relationship, because holy shit Redeye interview pog
  
• collapsing under the weight of an expensive as fuck camera on a tripod at i58 because I'm a shrimp of a human being, filming Sideshow's production tour walkthrough that we couldn't even use because the LAV mic Ash lent us was broken
  
• Dashner lashing out at Tagg for not doing enough work, rather than consider the limitations of how i58's venue was dark as fuck even for our expensive as fuck camera, which is why the only i58 photos that exist are players dragged onto the caster stage which was the most sufficient light source
  
• Tagg denouncing his friendship with Dashner and his involvement with Ready Up because of how unorganized it all was and for being yelled at and demeaned for free work, and then telling me that maybe I should reconsider my relationship with Dashner and me not listening
  
• Dashner asking if I had just gone to i58 just for the free LAN experience, accusing me of just using his money for vacations, and not to actually work only because he saw photos of me having fun without him at i58's afterparty (he would then later tell me when I expressed wanting to go to i61 either we both go to i61, or none of us go)
  
• Dashner asking me last minute at Frankfurt on the way to i58 if I can turn around and fly back to Ontario to see him, but me saying I had to go and film for Ready Up, and holding it against me
  
• Me agreeing with Dashner we need to bring on Loris because in my mind there was a chance this could go tits up if Dashner decided to have another Fuck TF2™ moodswing during editing
  
• Dashner buying into an Adobe Premiere peer-to-peer deal for him and Loris despite not asking Geel for it first, and then realizing it was yearly, stressing he wouldn't pay for it and made it seem like the only sensible option for co-editing with it (it probably was), so I offered even though I made the lowest working wage on Ready Up's team
  
• Me having to ask for my logo at the beginning and Dashner guilting me for it
  
• Me being unable to ask for editing changes and Dashner telling me it was a pain in the ass to re-render (it is) and he and Loris should have full editing autonomy
  
• Me being told that I disappointed Loris and Dashner when I said the ending could have gone in a different direction and Dashner guilting me for it
  
• Dashner calling me useless
  
• Dashner telling me Ready Up wouldn't have happened without him
  
• Dashner telling me I didn't do enough work for it
  
• Me still believing he was right to this day and being unable to work on that documentary without feeling like I wanted to kill myself

I almost decided not to go to Rewind 2 for the premiere of Ready Up because I didn't know if I could afford it after paying the buyout. But at the time because my mind was focused on "do it for TF2, they deserve nothing but the best" (which was learned during the Dashner era of production, coincidentally enough), all the pros to going seemed to make up for the cons. There was a bunch of people crowding me to hug me and tell me I did a great job when I burst into tears and bawled like a baby after the credits rolled. That wasn't pride and happiness that it was finally complete. That was me naively thinking, as I stood on stage next to him and had to hug him and thank the people that went to LAN that finally, I was free.

All of these decisions were probably the wrong ones to make, and I'm sorry for not informing you earlier about this and for thinking that this project took priority over not just me, but the community. I was part of the problem, and I see that now. I let superficial things like good production quality and making sure TF2 is represented well blind me to considering what would actually be healthy and right. To this day I still wonder if I should have just cancelled it and disappointed you, if I would've been capable of editing it if I had tried more, if I deserve to have my name on it still, if I should have let Loris do it by himself when I realized Loris was just as good as Dashner was with the advantage of actually still liking TF2. It's also why I'm sympathetic if Loris, who had spent a lot of time with Dashner, had been led by him to believe Dashner's side of the story over mine. And likewise, while I heavily disagree with what she did and am absolutely fucking torn about her dismissing me for Dashner and incredibly upset and angry for ignoring events pertaining to him and Nursey, I understand Sami riding or dying for TF2 because I've been there.

And despite everything, I understand Console's caring for him, and I wish Dashner had meant what he said when he claimed he would work on becoming a better person after I left. I wish he had actually become a better person. I still hope he does rather than keep hurting people, and keep running away from it all.

There's been moments where I felt like I lost Ready Up to my abuser and lose the right to say it was mine. But now that we're here, as co-director of Ready Up, I'd like for it to stay uploaded publicly. While people might sympathize with my experience but disagree in terms of how much actual involvement I had with it since I ended up not being part of the editing process, and most of my ideas were changed for Dashner's direction, I also worked hard on it, tried to film what I could with what limited technical knowledge I had, prepared interview questions and a skeleton storyline, and spent a good chunk of my life for the past few years focused on the film.

I don't want Dashner taking Ready Up away from me anymore. But I understand if you refuse to have his name associated with your brand.

Because the only sexual predator I expanded on details of in my original Twitter post was Dashner. Most of the people other than Dashner who were referenced in that specific post have already been driven out of the scene or called out. Any additional predators and abusers are people I don't know about and wish I knew about, but they're people who are still being hidden or hiding, and what's probably stopping them is victims who are scared to the bone of their abusers or people calling them out for being liars or being harassed even more. The people they do disclose the information to are begged and pleaded to stay silent, by the victims.

It's absolutely fucked up, I agree, but this is the mindset that goes through the heads of the abused. We still feel like they have control over us even when we're finally out and away from them.

EDIT: This is basically what happened with people like Jasbutts, who is a friend I trusted with this information, and for people who approached me and knew it was Dashner, in which I basically asked them to not tell anybody because I didn't know what Dashner would do if he found out. Anybody who worked with Dashner or were offered opportunities were people I told I wouldn't harbour ill feelings for, and who I didn't want announcing it publicly, out of fear of my safety.

I'm having a really hard time typing my side out because I do want to clarify and expand a lot of my original post from last year since some of it called out wasn't just Dashner, and point out which parts he was responsible for.

For two years I just thought it'd be best to keep my mouth shut to make TF2 continue, to make sure good production quality was guaranteed or esports hookups or Ready Up. Then he almost got picked up for CPG19. And then was picked up officially for BTSTF2. And then he did this to somebody else, and it took Console telling me initially "I don't want to ruin TF2" that made me realize - this has to stop.

This is why we need to break this cycle in the old era of production. Because the idea that we can't talk about this, because people like Dashner were necessary somehow to make sure LANs kept happening, or people like all of froyotech's players were necessary to convince them to go, to make sure we keep having LANs to see the people we love or continue good competition, has warped our idea of what we need to sacrifice or put in to produce TF2. This isn't it. This was never it.

Because of Dashner being very good at the manipulation game for not only his partners but his friends and co-workers, I don't know for certain how much he convinced Sami or anybody else on BTS staff to believe him and that I was the liar. If that was the case, I'm willing to understand that, but fuck, I wish you guys had listened to me when I told you his behaviour should not continue to be enabled. We don't need him anymore in TF2. We never needed him after i58.

I never thought this day would be able to come reasonably, but it has, and worst of all, it's not from me. I'm sorry to the community for contributing to the silence in my own fear, allowing this to have continued to this point. I'm so sorry he did this to you, Console. I'm so sorry it wasn't just me.

Dashner.

I get why some staff initially defended a player on one of the most high-profile teams to bring to LAN. But Dashner defending her after the evidence came out, or others turning a blind eye towards it because "it's not our problem" is disgusting. Assuming she just wouldn't come for face or hoping froyotech would ditch her is avoiding taking responsibility & initiative when we need that more than ever. Additionally, I agree you're not obliged to tell the public why people get banned in the first place if it isn't/wasn't public, and I think privacy & legal concerns are fine to cite, so the person who reported it is not sought after, but this was not the way to deal with it.

Like Console, I understand the approach to this event has been not wanting any trouble and wanting a good opportunity for TF2, and I'm sympathetic of wanting to keep things professional and orderly. But dismissing issues such as sexual assault or reports about individuals' behaviour isn't keeping things professional, and I'm sick and tired of staying quiet about it publicly after hearing private reports to event organizers get ignored and people abusing their power or influence still getting hired, just to justify keeping TF2 alive. We don't need people like that for our scene anymore. Stop enabling them.

You might think the drama is tarnishing our community and none of us are seeing the bigger picture, where we need to put aside our personal issues and care about TF2 above all in order to let it keep happening. This isn't the bigger picture. This is making our community smaller. This won't save TF2 if you're even passively enabling the people who are dangerous to TF2. I was part of that, and after all the shit I've heard about and/or gone through, I'm done with that. Break the fucking cycle.

https://clips.twitch.tv/OriginalCallousMoonRickroll
Goodnight sweet pup

After a year, TempusTV will be moving from Twitch to Youtube where new runs will be uploaded and archived there due to high hardware costs. TempusTV served as a place to watch world record rocketjumping & stickyjumping map speedruns from the Tempus jump servers, complete with pop music and dog photos.

The Twitch channel will be being archived tonight @ midnight UTC in 6-7 hours. The code remains open source for anybody who'd like to fiddle with. For jump servers, you can find various servers here:

• Tempus: https://tempus.xyz/
  
• Jump Academy: https://jumpacademy.tf/servers
  
• ECJ: https://steamcommunity.com/groups/ECJump

I'd like to thank Larry for all his hard work and for putting up with me asking him to reset the bots, everybody who subscribed for the puppy emotes and tuned in to watch some sweet jumps, and the dog photo photographers who made people's day.

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Been busy with post-i65 stuff, fundraiser promotion has finally wrapped so I have time to write my shoutouts. I will forget people and I am so sorry in advance:

Additional shoutouts to:

Finally, shoutouts to:

Honestly I'm not qualified enough for this since I use an ancient Monoprice TWA60 for AGES and it's gotten me by and 8 years ago I was using a Wacom Graphire3, I know jack when it comes to tablets and the internet will probably know more than me. You can probably get a Monoprice tablet to this day but the pen requires a battery and sometimes goes loose, and you can lose the nibs really easily; additionally it's not as flexible or smooth I've heard. (basically avoid battery pen tablets)

There's two types of tablets: graphic tablets and drawing/PC/monitor tablets. Graphic tablets are the ones you draw on but you look at your PC screen for, drawing tablets are the ones you draw on the screen for (aka the surfaces). All the things you listed you want to do you can do with either of these.

If you're just getting started and want it cheaper as well as not a whole ass machine, I recommend trying a USB graphic tablet to start off, but it might be weird for you to learn how to adjust to the whole "not looking at what I'm drawing thing", however with enough practice you should get the hang of it. Translating digital drawing over from traditional drawing takes a bit but if your hand-eye coordination with your mouse is good you should be able to get the hang of it within like a month or so, and you will continuously improve.

In my experience I found portable surface tablets tend to get really hot easily despite how convenient it was for me to see what my pen was actually drawing vs. seeing where my pen lined up with what was on my screen. It might be more convenient for you to start off with this though. They are also much more expensive than graphics tablets and you would be lucky to find one under three digits since you know, you can actually see what you're drawing. Again, in terms of what brand you should go for as well as newer age tablets, I'm not the best person to ask for this, but I can give you general advice if you're just starting off.

Some other general advice:

1. Don't lose your pens, they cost a lot of money to replace like $90-100, the whole "artist lost their tablet pen tragedy hits the earth" is deadass the realest tablet issue out there
   
2. FUCK Wacom, XP Pen and Huion are catching up if you really want to invest in something nice and reliable but not out the ass for budget. That being said Wacom is reliable and older stuff like Bamboo and Intuos have aged well (be careful since they don't manufacture Bamboo pens anymore)
   
3. If you can't buy a stand for it, tilt your tablet so that it's standing at an angle if possible, regardless of if its a graphics tablet or drawing surface. There's been a recent thing as to how it apparently helps your ergonomics a bit better since a common mistake for veterans & rookies is using a tablet pen the same way you would a traditional pencil or pen
   
4. Draw with the whole ass arm if you can help it rather than restrict movement to your wrist, but this is something they teach you in art school when you're not paying attention to your teacher and you feel like you're the shit with your awesome wrist control and then you get RSI when you're older and it's a FeelsBad

Here's a year old Reddit thread that recommends some good, budget-friendly beginner graphic tablets, but if you want a detachable surface I heard Surface Pro > Surface Book. Some other people can probably weigh in on their experience or gear.

AMS was apparently missing from the Ascent Esports group photo, so as per my contractual duties with Ascent and because I don't want anybody to be left out, I took the liberty of making sure he was seamlessly included.

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