I've been overweight for like 5 years, currently almost 240 pounds and I'm only fucking 15 and I pretty much always feel like shit because of it. I've been procrastinating for years about fixing myself up and eating better/exercising and every summer I tell myself I'm gonna get outside but I never fucking do. I'm so lazy and unwilling to get healthier that I even got my guidance counselor at school to replace my PE class with a study hall, even though PE is mandatory to graduate. I failed 9th grade PE because of this and I have no idea how I'm gonna make up the credit. My family has a history of heart disease and most of my relatives have died from heart related problems, resulting in me being afraid and paranoid that I'm going to have a heart attack every second of the day because of my health.
I withdrew myself from most of reality when I was in the 5th grade and have no actual friends or social life outside of the internet anymore. Everyone in my school sees me as that weird awkward kid who doesn't talk to anyone and sleeps through all his classes.
I have no social skills and have no idea how to talk to people. Even when I went to TLAN, where I knew I had similar interests as people there, I was terrified of talking to anybody in the venue. I remember even when I was walking into the venue my right leg was shaking/twitching rapidly as I was scared of meeting new people. I don't even know how to talk to my own parents that well, I don't remember the last time I've told my mom or dad "I love you" because it sounds extremely awkward and weird in my head, even though I mean what I want to say. I refuse to see a therapist even though every doctor I've went to about my social issues has recommended it because I don't trust them. I'm afraid that one day I'm going to break down and suffer from crippling depression and I wouldn't be surprised if it happened sometime soon.
I have extremely bad anxiety and have panic attacks at least twice a week, it's honestly the worst feeling ever and I feel like the world is ending when they happen. They mostly happen late at night, so nobody is around to help me get over them.
I'm extremely grateful for all the friends I've made in this community, without them I don't know where I'd be. Thanks for the thread, it's about time I got this off my chest.