uberchainPeople who have said that you're not supposed to put TF2 over your real life get to me in ways I can't describe. I just wonder if they understand what goes on beyond that. Like take seeing an SO over doing LAN shit for example. If your SO goes through the hardest shit of their life and they ask if they want to see you, and they have the means of doing so - then why wouldn't you have taken the opportunity to go see them, especially if it's a long-distance thing?
Our friends watch as I freak out after hearing a breakdown might have happened. My friend passes me his phone, asks if I want to talk to him. Tries to reach out, I can't call him at the time. I can't call him either during the whole thing because we're so fucking busy and any contact we have is about the show. I remember turning to a friend during the first night, and I asked him, "should I even be here? What would you have done if you had been in my position? Would you have gone to see them, or would you have held to your obligation? I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm right."
Text messages just hours before my own flight to i58, text messages after I land in Frankfurt for the connection. He had apparently seen me taxing to my own plane just as he landed. I just barely missed him. "I wanted to put on the best show that this scene has ever seen. I didn't want anything in return - I just wanted to see them for the last time. I wanted to see you. I want to see you now. Why can't you stay? We can go to Toronto. We can see each other again for ourselves, take some time off for us. When was the last time we had time for us? Why?"
Why? Fuck, did you believe me when I said "because I have to do it, I'm sorry"? What do I have to do in comparison to what you had to do, especially when many times before you were thinking practically about being able to see me versus putting our shit on hold for the sake of the community that brought us together?
He should have been there. I didn't get to see my SO at the most important event we would have shared, that we would have worked on together. Worse yet, personal relationships aside, that strictly speaking on a rolecall that I got in and he didn't, breaks me in ways that I cannot possibly fucking explain properly. He should have fucking been there and I'm still in knots that I told him I couldn't be there in the name of a video game when the circumstances changed. I'm tired of putting this over the people who are closest to me.
This was unexpected
<3