The longer you wait for something to fall out of the sky and fix your problems for you, the worse it gets. Life is never easy or simple, don't expect it to be. Drugs can't help you, money can't help you, love can't help you. Only you can help you you. “Ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.”
You can numb yourself and hide from the world but there is no end to the numbing, you'll never reach a point where you can say "Oh great! this is just the amount of numbing I needed!". Numbing takes you all the way down.
So what's the alternative? Well, worse case scenario is the universe is completely meaningless and none of our decisions matter in the slightest and we’re just talking monkeys on an organic spaceship traveling across the abyss. Cool, we can work with that! Every interaction you have with another person sets up a crazy cause and effect chain reaction that will continue long after you're dead. In a way, your actions are eternal. Is Aristotle dead? What about Galileo? Jesus?
So since our actions are eternal and we’re in this together, at the very least you can not kill yourself and become a contributing member of society, do the things you want to do, inspire others to do the same, become a good person so that you can inspire others to also become good people.