I fucking hate that I was never good at this game and EVERY single time I had a chance to be on teams that would have carried me and maybe helped me at least seem decent either real life or some bullshit out of my control stopped me from getting there.
I hate that I wasted 4k+ hours playing this game that I'm not even good at and dont even enjoy that much because my life took a bad turn just as I was getting interested in it.
I hate that I made so many good, real friends through this game that I kept on thinking about playing until like 4 months ago just so I could interact with them instead of the people I know and like less in my offline life
I hate that so many of my good friends either were better naturally or so quickly got better than me to the point where playing seriously with them was no fun for either of us
I hate that I almost did the exact same thing with cs even though I fucking knew better
I hate that I still somehow visit this dumb website like twice a day just to shitpost despite not even recognizing two thirds of the community