military (formally known as the meat men): blinky lucrative rando clockwork tlr and their leader, bl4nk
boring shit: fragile knoxx pyyyour b4nny

we begin by taking out the weak (muma, saam, sideshow, mangachu, lansky, etc.)

Threat number 1 to this stacked roster is the animemen for they are simply too large in numbers and therefore hold the frag monopoly.
despite bl4nks immediate response to run into a horde of 1000 animemen, b4nny convinces him to avoid the minus frags and play like a bitch. He devises a game plan:
it's simple, we starve them out. without their favorite animes they will soon lose the will to live.

Threat number 2 is the memers, although weakened by their inability to do anything constructive, still hold the meme lord's blessing (obtained from offering showstopper as a human sacrifice).

In the battle of lamo hill, the animemen, memers, and meat men were to fight to the death. They fought for 10 hours until, out of the mist of minus frags, exploding dakis and dank memes, there remained only a few animemen.
The meat men finally showed up to the scrimmage, late due to rando walking excruciatingly slow the whole way there, only to find the scrawny weeaboos with various broken bones calling out for their waifus and holding their dakis.
b4nny cried out "wait for buffs!" as the meat men charged, oblivious to the fact of the daki explosives. Only rando, clock, and a severely injured bl4nk survived thanks to their meatshields broking, grape, and ash respectively.

Rando and clock continued to rule the meat kingdom, while bl4nk traveled to IM Island to recover from his wounds.

i was bored

Nice fanfic might jerk it to this later :)

i'd get the finnish on my side, they have mandatory military service so they'll know basic shit, maybe a jew or two as well. Then I'd get some eastern europe members because they pretty much live in a desolate wasteland anyway so they'll be experienced.

not sure if I could get some NA people with me, they'd probably go insane with all the shit talking and "banter" that comes from me after a while.

I would imagine that i would die after a day or two with poor hygiene conditions which turn me mad and I eventually cut my hands off as there's no sanitary way to wash them.

I mean if I'm stuck on an island of tftv regulars probably myself tbh.

me carpet and will

we will build fake theater seats outta bamboo and pretend it's MST3K as we crack jokes about all these nerds going thru their very own living lord of the fucking flies hell.

Just Permzilla

His skills at killing TF2 will mean he will be the last man standing

I'd kill myself... Don't get me wrong tf.tv folk is cool, but to never see real people again :P

cyzer is lanky, lol. Flame is the guy you want. Although, I mean, flame's a little too big. He requires too much rice/chicken to maintain his bod and would soon drop to cyzer's size. Plus, I could prolly take 'im. You'd need someone with that kind of 3rd-world-country, works-in-labor, eats-mostly-grass kind of dad-strong-bods. Like me. That's why they call me the champ, baby!

im the guy everyone should want

after 3 seasons of carrying me i think kuestif is gonna be ripped so probably him

rave because hes black and jewish so hes intimidating and good at managing resources at the same time, also is a big memer + weeaboo so he can piss other people off

yomps because hes a terrorist

tommunist because hes from australia and everything in australia can poison u

bosh because he has the hookup for icecream

My tribe would be:
me - because i have to be in it
max - muscle
flame - muscle
cozen - the brains
ash - memes

I would recruit mana and enigma so we can ban everyone else from the island. Also cereal so he can use his giraffe-esque neck to gather fruit from trees 8)

"BIG PAPA TRIBE"

proto - tribe leader, ethiopian child soldier war lord #KONY2012
trip - will keep me mentally stable and act as the tribes mother figure. boy spent a week in hawaii and knows his way around an island
avast - the john locke of the big papa tribe. good at everything, will keep us alive. the tribes motivational speaker
nursey - right off the bat we're gonna take turns railing nursey nightly. gotta multiply you know? need them child soldiers
safrix - black people are good at this type of shit right? my boy david gonna be taking daily water runs with buckets on his head like he's str8 outta mozambique

better watch out, we're gonna be running this island in a matter of days. bow down to king proto and my nursey-spawned child army

edit: our first targets are the geknaiir/cloudmaker/pizzagon circlejerks. and alder, fuck alder we finna cook you for a delicious sunday dinner boy.

on the to-do list: locate tron and the 2wycked tribe and infiltrate their potent island weed operation.

the world would be a better place with no mini-mes running around

billdozer

trip won't be able to resist your sexual pull. they will be half trip half nursey children owned by king proto of the big papa tribe.

baAKC THE HECK OFF??!??

cookiejake and i would just zerg everyone

Buick - Crafty with things, would probably be able to make fishing rods and weapons.
CJ - His parents probably contracted the entire coast guard to rescue.
Flame - Can use a coconut as weapon.
dchow - The type of person to bring seeds on a plane.
iFY - Fall guy incase anyone's murdered. Nigerian prince and heir to the island throne.

We'd take 1 or 2 days trying to make fishing rods and weapons out of trees. iFY and CJ scavenge the next 2 days(assuming no one's hostile) while fish are accumulated. Overtime, we own the entire shoreline and recruit people to become fishermen by offering fish and weed. If they don't accept we ask(waterboard) to see their leader to recruit or ambush. In the event of a ambush Flame would just run in with a spear while iFY finishes off stragglers in the dark. Given Flame's build he should come away unscathed 9/10 times. We become a communist government and take over the island.

CJ just sits there and looks out for his parent's yacht.

EDIT: Just saw the 4 person limit. Nvm, CJ's cut.

isnt that my line to u?

how 2 boys make child

If I ended up on an island with you people I'm going solo, to hell with the tribe thing, ya'll are downright evil...

really talk o_o

i was stating how i shouldnt reproduce in general

what is ur beef with me tasheem i thought we were chill

YouMustMike - the brains of the crew
bl4nk - who wouldnt wanna be stuck on an island with this idiot
seymour - so i wouldnt have the tiniest dick
boulder - cuz he is the champ
pharaoh - vegan, so food wouldnt be that scarce to him
mustardoverlord - for when i get super mad we are stuck i have someone to kill and not feel guilty

i kill u

READ THE INSTRUCTIONS HOLY SHIT. You can only have 4 to start.

What kind? Cause if it's not Graeter's, Steve's, New Orleans Ice Cream Co, or Jeni's it doesn't count.

(Ok maybe Ben and Jerry's or Gelato Fiasco.)

First order of business, though: find a cave. Not for shelter, no, the cave is to keep the first member of my team in, for he would only be unleashed when the beast was needed.

FIRST MEMBER: HP - The Dark Beast.

SECOND MEMBER: Star_ - Stalwart General and Leader of the Horde of Doom. Star has a zealously loyal legion of low/low- publords which outnumbers any force on the island 100 to 1. The power of such a force cannot be understated.

THIRD MEMBER: Taggerung - Lord of the Seas. Why Tagg? Because he is well liked and could serve as an excellent ambassador to a number of cliques, and appeal to several minority groups? No. I mean, that stuff helps too, but the real reason for taking Tagg is because of his hobby, which I'm sure most of you don't know about. He builds boats. By drafting a navy from Star's massive force, I could have a sizable fleet to ensure control of the island's surrounding waters.

FOURTH MEMBER: Clockwork - Master of Internal Affairs. Okay, so most people picked Clock because of his physical prowess, but let's be real, he's not actually that buff. A lot of you seem to think he is, but that's probably because a lot of you would tear your biceps opening a bag of potato chips, and you've come to believe that your strength (I use the word "strength" loosely) is that of a normal human being. Real talk though, clock seems like a pretty real dude, which means HP won't instinctively murder and eat him. He also is in decent enough physical shape that he could handle the day to day of living outdoors on an island, and he'd be needed in case Tagg tried to mutiny (HP has one fear: Sharks... he'd never go anywhere near the water, and Tagg is the Naval Commander). Maybe not Clock though - this 4th spot is honestly kinda up for grabs, there are a lot of people that would fit it, and a lot more that I'd plan on picking up later on. I also remember Clockwork telling me some shit about how he was going to get ice cream with a girl, but he didn't want to eat any because he would get cold and didn't want to look cold in front of the girl. Not gonna lie, that's pretty bitchmade, my dude.

GAMEPLAN: The chances of a direct attack on us would be low, so I don't know that it would be necessary to try and kill anyone right at the get go. The mere sight of HP bellowing obscenities while marking territory with his feces would be enough to deter most potential enemies. Using our overwhelming numbers and control of both land and sea, we'd first attempt to secure an alliance with all of the girl gamers on the island, offering them protection in exchange for services. NO NO NO I don't mean sex with my crew. You're disgusting. I'd just pimp them out as I'd start a paid escort service (I'm guessing the currency would be coconuts - I could even keep Star's horde loyal by offering them "strange" or even "unusual" coconuts and coconut accessories.