fucking rampbugs

this ^ and when casters say x player beefed their rollout instead of calling it a rampbug.

i think you might be misunderstanding my tone of voice, not trying to sound like one of <those kids> because I know some of them irl, the types who only listen to "real music" and shit like that. I guess i am sounding pretty bitchy reading this back but I'm not really trying to be. this probably could've gone in a different thread or in no thread at all :shrug:

I hate that I get demotivated so easily, if that's a word. Sometimes when I'm in a groove of productivity there's almost nothing that can stop me from getting something done, but after that it's just like everything stops. No wind in the sails, no gas in the tank, nothing.

I've been this way since high school with schoolwork and I don't know how to get myself out of this rut that I keep falling back into. I'll have one week where I'm staying on top of everything, reading my textbook for class in advance, and getting assignments done well before their due dates. Then after it just seems like there's nothing that I want to do more than be on the other side of the planet from my studies and responsibilities. I'll sleep, or play TF2, or just do something not productive and let things pile up until the last minute, leaving me at crossroads like where I am now with writing this where I just want to go to bed but I know that I can't because I need to finish something, leading to me just procrastinating more and losing sleep for it.

It's not uncommon for me to want to just get up and leave all that I've done so far with schooling behind (I'm in my 3rd year currently) and just start over, but I know that I can't. I keep being told that I'm so close to finishing but I always feel like I'm so far away from "the finish line", which nowadays doesn't even feel that satisfying to cross anymore. I can't just throw away my parents' money to go off and chase some pipe dream that I have for myself which I haven't even started towards. I know that's incredibly selfish and would only make me feel even worse about myself.

I want to have some sort of a career in esports, but I feel like if I were to take on another responsibility that I'd end up biting off more than I can chew, which would end up causing everything in my life to be thrown completely out of balance, forcing me to start far back at square one, which is a massive fear of mine because I know that something that takes years to build up can be destroyed in seconds. And through the passing of many of dear family members, I've come to understand that time is one of the most valuable resources that we have, and we truly don't know how much time we have left in this world.

Sorry about the length or if it wasn't truly venting, but this was something I just needed to get off of my chest because it seems to be getting harder and harder to find a reason to keep going forward. My best IRL friend went abroad to study in Hong Kong and he's basically the only person that I actively talk to outside of my immediate family and online friends, which very few of them I talk to on a regular basis to begin with. My life isn't exactly in shambles, but I've definitely seen better days.

Edit: If I also make another post in this thread upset at myself for not studying sooner it's because I have what are essentially 3 finals in the next 48 hours and a lot of work that's not completed and I'm really bad sometimes at taking care of myself

why dont people understand that yelling for a minute straight in comms about a "mistake" (might not actually be one) doesn't fucking help
like yea maybe you don't agree with something but thanks to your fucking whining we didn't hear our roamer's call that there's a scout behind us and now he's fisted our whole team

some people are like "if I see some dumb shit imma say it" but when that dumb shit is 2 soldiers from pc uber when u push into mid with 30% ad you're essentially clogging the comms and being retarded as well

im also tired of playing in teams that think the scouts can do whatever the fuck they want and the rest of the players have to do all the hard work
yesterday my new team scrimmed viaduct for the first time and ill admit I didnt do well but im getting blamed for my med getting repeatedly fisted by bombs when im a roamer (I normally play pocket but we do double roam on via)
like wtf do you want me to do double airshot every solly that does that? or let the class thats ACTUALLY GOOD AT PROTECTING THE MEDIC shoot them out of the sky?????? which makes more sense? ofc the "pocket" should be stuck on the healbeam instead of making space or holding positions

on top of that I had to server mute 2 bots that only have dm and put 0 thought into the game because their calls could be summarised as follows:
aghAaghAaAaaaAAAAA gatsAN WHY U DO DAT SHUTUP YOUR BAD MAINCALL!!!!!.
O MY GOD THESE SCOUTS CAN ONLU DODGE NO AIM THESE SOLDIERS ONLY SPLASH
gUYS dont listen to NOBSAN
heal meeeee

its mindblowing how many people like this exist
its even worse because I have pretty bad dm compared to other people at my skill level so they assume I dont know what im doing but I end up having to explain midgame/after scrim my decision making and it makes sense there but of course its badsan he cant know what hes doing

almost all of the money i have made in my life has been spent on my classes this semester, and i failed all of them. the little bit of money i had left i spent on a graphics card that requires a 6-pin pci cord that my shitty power supply doesnt have.

that's rough buddy

fully agree. talk about mistakes and criticism after the game is done. if you do it during you're just cluttering comms and making your own team tilt

-

I hate that i am the way that i am. I hate to think about how many people ive fucked over and let down because im so fucking lazy and stupid. If i met another person that acted the way i do id avoid them at all costs.

I put off finishing my personal statement for uni application for like two months and even though I've basically finished it now I'm really angry at myself for just doing the usual and avoiding it for ages reeeeeee
also I hope I'm actually choosing the right degree because I just don't have that one ambition everyone else seems to have, I just have like half ambitions

problem no.1 : playing with catona xD
solution: leave tem

School has gotten kinda downhill recently (Failed at swedish class and stuff like that) I got and lost in political argument (Yes I did a mistake of joining one, never doing that again) and winner started talking trash at me while I got trashtalked at TF2 the same time.

I wouldn't be bothered by these things individually, but getting trashtalked after already unpleasant discussion stacked with trash talk in videogame and after already shitty day IRL have made me unhappy and annoyed :/

I hate being annoyed and unhappy

same bro, what are you applying for?

Flying cross country in the United States is EXPENSIVE

Why cant i bitch about getting fatkidded for a player worse than me

I am fed up with some of my friends. They mess up all of the time, are forgetful, etc.. A prime example of this is that one of my friends got suspended for a stupid, offensive joke. As soon as he gets back, he says that he “cant trust anyone” and that he “can’t do anything without being ‘snitched on’.”no, you messed up, quit blaming it on others. They’re just unreliable and so infuriating so often. I can’t just end the friendship though, because I have other (non infuriating) friends who are friends with them, and ending the friendship would probably start beef with everyone in the group.

I am so self conscious. Every time I put on clothes, I think of comments told to me in elementary school, all the way to now. Every time I listen to music, I think of what others have said about music, and stop listening to songs that I like, in favor of songs that I think THEY would like.

Going back to what Koncept said, I agree completely. I watched a movie about a man who persevered despite being in hard times. For that next class, I was super motivated and got many peices of homework finished. But by the end of the day...boom. All of my motivation is nowhere to be found. This goes hand-in-hand with procrastination. I’ve had a graphic design project I’ve been working on for weeks and it has just made no progress whatsoever. I’m too busy playing video games or looking at memes or something stupid like that. It takes something I’m passionate about, and halts all progress.

biomedical sciences

I love the environment as much as the next guy but we need to abolish those blow dryers that waft a gentle breeze toward your hands and just bring back paper towels like seriously every time I go to the bathroom I have to wipe my hands on my shirt like a savage I just want dry hands

Ur kosher on the like, not getting fucked financially front. Can't talk for you having passion for the subject or anything cause it's gonna be your life for the next 3-4 years and by the time you're done you will have spent like 20% of your life studying this subject.

My social life is shit and will probably never improve

nah its actually other people catona is nice

also these 2 friends i have keep bitching at me to let them merc for my team so they can ruin my scrims. its kinda getting to the point where it actually makes people ragequit/not want to play on the team anymore and then the next day they're like "CAN I PLZ MERC :))))" and im like "no we have everyone" and they want me to tell one of our mains to fuck off so they can play 1 game of tf2 and fuck up the quality and purpose of my scrims...

solution is to completely ignore their requests to merc but after i've let them merc loads in the past they're like "omG U NEVER LET ME EMRC WTF ur a cunt i dont like your attitude" and i become suicidal for an hour, its even worse that theres pretty much nobody on my friends list that can reliably merc apart from them, everyone has god awful internet, sleeps at fucking 8pm, lives in russia or has a highlander official/scrim every day

man will i ever get to play on a team that doesnt depress me

i can merc x

i want comp mode

I have a package in the community mailbox here (Canada Post) and the lock is literally frozen shut. There is no exterior ice visible. I used lock de-icer all over it and nothing happened. It is frozen solid. I literally can't open my mailbox. I'm pissed.

your last sentence is the solution to your problem, piss on the lock

I hate how I come back from 3ish years of no tf2 and I'm still treated like toxic 13 year old atidere. I get it I kinda made my rep as a toxic little shit and I don't disagree that I should've been disrespected like I was but like I'm 18 now and I'm completely different :x. Shits really annoying and I try and be nice to everyone now but some people are so toxic and it makes me now understand how annoying I used to be.

i'm sure you're a good dude and i'm sorry to hear you're having this hard time

but unfortunately there are consequences to being a toxic dickhead. it's one of those things where you don't realize there's a downside until it's too late.

maybe you can talk some sense into some kids with your cautionary tale? they'll probably listen since you're still fairly young

My social life doesn't exist and its solely because I am not 21.

Fuck Hanzo

And fuck RED picking 5 engineers