i cant play pugs cuz i dont have a mic and its really boring help

u can buy a zalman clip on mic for like 7 usd

do you really expect someone like me to not be a lazy dumbass

I feel like I'm more of a joke than an actual person in the tf2 community. Like a lot of people I had almost little to no interaction with somehow just see me as either a bad player because I emo'd out on Shylo's team, or they see me as walking toxicity that only says negative things about people. I do realize that a lot of the things I said in the past was really negative and inappropriate, especially to a lot of the smaller communities/minorities in the tf2 community, but I don't think anyone would take me seriously ever. I do understand my faults as a person and a player, but it's like everyone exaggerates them whenever I am the topic of a conversation. Especially regarding my bans of Faceit, I'm also know seen as an even worse figure, because everyone thinks I cheated. I really don't think there is a way to prove myself worthy anymore, so I just succumb to what anyone says. Although I am now constantly trying to improve both dm and gamesense wise, I really do not think it would matter just because of the reputation I managed to gain. It really does it frustrating just being an outcast of the tf2 community, but then again who else is to blame but me.

every time I read a post from you I regret it

appreciate it

=

o5.unskilled : i would absolutely despise you if you were not my teammate
fyjj ring : y
o5.unskilled : because you have the most dislikable traits out of anyone i've seen besides people who get 0 frags when they post an lft
fyjj ring : ??
fyjj ring : =(
o5.unskilled : transgender weeaboo mge player big pugger dm player aggressive demoman highlander player and memer

=

that was a joke

I've hear people say that you seem like you have a huge ego. I was always shocked by this because I've known you for a bit and I never thought that was the case at all. But you gotta realize that more people are going to interact with you in pugs than the 5 other people on your team. ya know. Love ya bud.

I feel really bad about all the times I've been a cunt to people in tf2, it's out of my character. Yeah a lot of people don't click with my personality, I'm a bit of a memer I guess, but it's never supposed to be with ill intent

There is a reason why I'd been such a twat so many times but I feel like it just sounds like an excuse anyway, now there's groups of people who don't know me very well and think I'm an awful toxic player, and I feel like I can't do much about it

Like for instance there's a player who is good friends with someone I was a dick to, and though I apologised and made up with that person his friend still takes every opportunity to be rude to me, I can't think of any reason he'd want to do that apart from that his friend didn't like me, I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything to him personally

it blows kinda

I have lost all motivation to continue my degree. I have barely gone to any classes in a long time. I feel like I've failed at everything I've ever tried. I don't want to drop out, but I'm very depressed to the point it's keeping me from studying. I've wasted 5 years trying to get a degree in Chemistry and i've gotten nowhere.

I've lost contact with basically all my irl friends. I'm in a student club so I still see some of them every 2 weeks or so but that's still not much considering I never talk to any of them outside of that.
I've tried at times to contact my best irl friend but he's on a different campus than me now and is grinding his degree. I feel like he's already forgotten about me because he never asks me to come with anymore when he goes out

All I can look forward to is LANs because then I can see my TF2 friends who are the best friends i've ever had. It sucks to only be able to see your best friends once or twice in an entire year. Sitting in voice chat with them is the only contact with people I still have

I can't remember the last time I felt truly happy and it breaks my heart

I hope everyone that's going through bad shit right now feels better as soon as possible!! Please don't ever think that you guys are alone in this world. You are loved. You'll get through whatever you're going through. I promise.

Every time i wake up i just want to go back to sleep and never wake up. I'm always tired and i don't know why. The one thing that gives me brief relief is something I've been trying to quit for 3 years. My grades are slipping and my motivation to even show up is so low I've skipped like 3 days in a row now. I just don't know what to do, i always seem to fuck everything up.

i tried some new pants from the clothes shop today and they had other peoples pubic hairs in em

im tryig really hard to fix my sleep scheduel and while im getting up earlier im still tired as shit all day

Why do you need a safe space for this

spent the last week feeling lethargic and depressed. things are better now but damn my time off school is more depressing than when i have school

i'm always constantly losing motivation for everything, i enjoy something for a little bit and then I start to hate doing whatever it is and it makes me feel really void of anything. i always compare myself to other people and it makes me feel super shitty. the things I struggle with and think about convinces me there really is no point to continue with everything.

i thought that playing mid for the last few seasons with friends would allow me to play mores seriously in high but im having to ask teams to sub, not seeing any interest for copenhagen lan and making me not want to touch tf2 which isn't going to help

This post is going to have quite a few issues that I'll address [

This past month has been rough for me.

First off my dad and brother both have severe heart problems. My father has an aortic valve leakage and will need to have surgery this summer and heart surgery is very risky. My brother has a heart defect since birth and although doesn't necessarily need surgery at the moment, It will worse as he gets older and is considering taking surgery along with my dad and I'm super distraught at the whole scenario.

Second my dog a few weeks back had all her teeth removed (Apparently my mother just wanted to have her teeth cleaned since at the time wasn't eating as much as she normally would. But the vet just straight up removed all her teeth.) Now she doesn't want to eat anything, she will go at it a bit and then stop, she has barely eaten and seems to have just lost all motivation in life and I don't see her living for two more months at this rate. Although she is around 14-15 years old, she is dying in pain and it hurts me so to just sit by her being helpless.

Third I have to do an internship and a summer class and that means I can't play ESEA this season, I've been trying to do ESEA for nearly the past 2 years but something is always in the way. Also I've just been slowly losing interest in competitive tf2. Pugs aren't as fun anymore (not cause of faceit, I actually really enjoyed faceit when it came out, I just don't care anymore) and I can't put in the time to actively get better/improve. I would rather decide to put that time into my future.

Because of this I'm basically done with tf2 comp now/trying to get involved in it. I might just be on hiatus but at this point I don't see myself ever playing a season of ESEA at this point in life. Hell I might as well say i quit tf2 in general cause the only thing that kept me playing tf2 was competitive.

I'll still be around hanging and stuff, and I might ring for some teams if needed. But to all the friends I've made in this community I say thank you for the memories and the experiences I had here. This was the highlight of my gaming experience and glad I was able to enjoy (almost LUL) every hour of it played. Take care friends.

EDIT: I should have made an edit sooner about my dog sooner, apparently she did have other issues before having her teeth removed as she lost a lot of weight within 5 weeks. My dog now has at least 3 major health problems that are harming her

why would the vet just take her teeth out like that?? is it a standard thing for vets to do to old dogs? im abit confused and angry that a vet would do something so different from what you asked.

: (

i ruined my shot at being good because of emotional dysregulation issues

sometimes this happens in game and i don't know why: i go into a weird depressive spiral, where i feel sick and physically unable to speak or communicate, with a deep feeling of dread/hopelessness and i stop trying in whatever i'm doing at the time. the feeling won't go back to normal unless i go to sleep. this happened in a lot of important officials like 4-5 years ago and pretty much every team i've ever been on has kicked me because of these unexplained throws. i feel fucking awful for it, but it feels completely impossible to stop it from happening when something triggers it

(if anyone remembers the huntsman meme from hl nations cup then yeah)

posting suicide memes on the internet almost cost me my job recently, don't let people link your personal information to your online presence if you can help it boys

you can always bounce back. if you were once good then you can polish your playstyle and reach it again, and even surpass it. maybe you just plateau'd and were getting fed up with feeling stuck? if im being honest your issue sounds similar to a lot of people here, and i believe inconsistency as you described is in part due to a bad mental state. you may want to talk to someone irl about it, and i always advocate at least giving therapy a shot. if youve tried that before then i must remind you that it takes a while to find a therapist you connect with and it is worth pursuing. i had to go through three different clinics before i found one that was a reasonable commute, accepted my insurance, and ultimately felt like it was full of caring practitioners. even then, i went through another four doctors until i found one that i could connect with and felt i was making progress with.

remember that the mental state you are in is not permanent, and humans generally want to help other humans. especially if it is someone that they can relate to. a lot of therapists are in their job because they too have gone through difficult times and sincerely wish to help.

my highly inflated yet extremely fragile ego gets popped sometimes and when it does i'm the only one in the world who knows true suffering