I think you're doing good.

First link appears to be a dumm/beater cast?

Main point of criticism I can offer is that you sometimes take over completely and keep play-by-playing. Even if some action is happening it's alright to just let the analysis take over for a bit. Some moments like that are in the gully sauna slayer/ascent game with eemes.

It's important for both casters and the viewers that there's a back and forth, even if a lot of action is happening.
Idk about most people but if play-by-play goes on for over a minute I tend to start zoning it out. I assume a lot of viewers eventually just focus on the gameplay instead of the commentary like I do if there's little variation

Just a thing that comes with experience. Plenty of play-by-play casters start off that way. I remember in the gully game eemes said he didn't want to interrupt, but imo any caster should be able to interrupt the other if they go for too long. it helps the overall quality of the cast from the perspective of the viewers

You can't really do good back and forth if the caster you are doing it with is not as good at casting, or you yourself are not that experienced yet, keep this in mind. I think it's good to take over a cast sometimes when the other caster is inexperienced as there is almost always one caster that leads the cast and one that follows. It's pretty rare these days for casters to be doing back and forth and make it seem like it's genuine and not like they are just trying to take a break from talking for 2 minutes while letting the other caster take over in that time. This leads to some very poorly commented casts as you are essentially putting the other guy on the spot (if he is new) and he doesn't know what to talk about most of the time especially during stalemates and such.

I ll preface it by saying that I think you are doing well and improving, but my constructive feedback would be on the tone of your voice. I don't know if you're artificially trying to create hype, but to a native speaker you sound shocked or like you're asking a question a lot because you upspeak (google it) all the time.

It's hard to explain, but you end up talking quickly and sounding exasperated by everything, like everything is surprising, and it just doesn't quite sound natural imo. If you listen to Eemes, he's just talking normally most of the time, until the big moments. Maybe slow it down slightly, which helps you have a more natural flow to your speaking and your flow will reflect the flow of the action (or no action) better.

To paraphrase The Incredibles; when everything is hype, nothing is. You don't have to say literally everything that's happening and with time you'll also improve at picking out what's key.

Good job overall though, fo sure.