hehehe, this thread

http://i.imgur.com/MiAZTim.gif

yeah it's from reddit, fuck you it's cute

Socrates was once relaxing by a fountain when a man approached him

"I own a pottery stall in this village," said he.

He then turned about and walked off, only to arrive again minutes later

"I own a pottery stall in this village," said he, again.

Socrates, now confused, watched him walk off and arrive once more.

"I own a pottery stall in this village," said he, a third time.

Socrates had become annoyed, yet simply nodded as the man walked off.
Socrates took this chance to rest in the noon sun, only to be awakened on the cusp of sleep.

"I own a-"

"I KNOW, I KNOW," Socrates cried out.

Satisfied, the man left to attend his stall.

I don't think there's much that's actually "from reddit."

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home. He offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc...
The cabbie said, ''If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!''
So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.
The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, ''How much for a ride to the airport,'' he asked?
''Fifteen bucks,'' came the reply.
''And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?''
''What?! Get the hell out of my cab.''
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, ''How much for a ride to the airport?''
The cabbie replied, ''Fifteen bucks.''
The businessman said, ''OK,'' and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each of the other drivers.

How do you get a nun pregnant?!?

Dress her up like an alter boy.

this reminds me of a time when i was a young child and living in cali and driving down a freeway. for some reason the side of the road had no guard rails and the freeway was pretty elevated. these two vehicles a lane over were swerving from lane to lane as if the one in back was trying to pass but the one in front wouldn't let it.

eventually, one of the vehicles managed to drive off the cliff. i'm not sure what ultimately happened to the person or people in the vehicle but my mom stopped on the side and used a phone connected to a support beam to call 911. when she got back in the car, i was crying heavily. she asked me why i was crying and i yelled, "THEY WERE MY FRIENDS!" i didn't even know them, much less why i even said that.

it's depressing to remember, but it's incredible how similar my experience is to your joke.

LIAM WINS

bestiality laws

c

A rope walks into a busy bar and orders a drink.

Bartender: "Sorry, we don't serve ropes in this bar."

Discouraged, the rope walks out of the bar. He messes up his hair a bit and walks back into the bar to order that drink. The bartender takes his order but as he turns away he suddenly turns back around to face the rope.

Bartender: "Hey, wait a minute -- aren't you that rope from earlier?"
Rope: "No sir, I'm a frayed knot."

Why did Lucy fall off the swing?

--------
Knock Knock:
Who's there?

--------
What did Lucy get for Christmas?

--------
No, really, what did she get for Christmas?

Why did 2 Scouts, 2 Soldiers, 1 Demoman, and 1 Medic walk into a bar?

Because they hate pubs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BM6Oi-tNJ3Q

where do you find a dog with no legs?

http://i.imgur.com/aMdldV4.jpg

edit: found a good one

http://i.imgur.com/QNoeMCR.jpg

if you're going to downfrag me at least show your face

A guy was walking down the street with his girlfriend. His girlfriend says to him you're a pedophile, he replied petaphile? that's a big word for a 5 year old.

i -fragged you because memes are an abomination

i vow to end all memes

well i mean memes just describe my lifestyle man, it's the wave of the future whether you like Impact font or not

A guy walks into a bar.
He sits down and immediately the the bowl of peanuts addresses him and says:
"Hey, you are a good looking guy!"
Knowing that peanuts don't talk, the guy ignored the bowl.
The guy then orders a beer. The peanuts then say:
"I like your choice in beer, you have great taste in beer!"
The situation proving to be too much for the patron he turns to the bartender:
"Bartender your food is talking to me, what is going on?"
The bartender replies:

https://productimages.notw.com/hat_SkylerFedora_MAIN_300.jpg

They should make a pencil with an eraser on both ends, but what would be the point?

I was at a baseball game, and saw the ball. I was wondering why it was gettin larger, and then it hit me.

Somehow I imagine you saying "memes are an abomination" in Anti-Mage's voice.

What do you call 5 black people having sex?

c

why did the asian crossed the road

becus slin dropped something B^)