I've lost every friend i've had because i got boring. I can't find new ones because my social skills are non-existant. Every conversation i ever start with anyone ends before it started because i never have something to say. Me and my only friend (who is always to busy with better friends and doesn't want to hang out with me) started hanging out with some dudes during school breaks like almost every day and they all (including my friend) hang out every weekend and never call me and then back to school they tell me how fun it was.

I don't know what is going to become of me. Nor do I know what I want to become.

Always had decent grades in high school but didn't do anything. Science classes were my jam and science in general has always interested me so obviously I was planning on doing something in that direction in college.
Was considering chemistry-related stuff (Biochemistry mostly) but my friend who was also really good/interested in chemistry convinced me to go to some info day about pure Chemistry which convinced me to do that.

I'd soon realise I never had been thaught how to study. Highschool was too easy so I'd never even made notes in my life. It was difficult for me even though I didn't consider th classes to be that hard. I simply didn't know how to study actual challenging classes. At the end of the first year I managed to salvage most but I had to redo Physics I & II and Math I & II. Obviously pretty important things if you're doing Chemistry. Because of how the system worked back then this also meant I couldn't do a lot of classes from the second year that required passing those first.

Things really started going downhill now. I only had 3 or 4 classes per semester for the next year and a half. i'd lost most of my motivation and as the semester continued I'd start going to classes less.
After the next 2 semesters I'd at least passed part of the classes including everything from my first year but all barely. I still failed Physics II and Math I but I had a 9/20 on both which our sytem then allows you to pass as long as it only happens for 2 classes each year. You don't get any study credits back though (some system we use)
The 3rd semester I didn't pass anything. I had 3 classes but didn't study enough for any and missed a lot of classes.
This was also when I was at my peak of playing TF2 (10 hours per day for multiple weeks in a row) so I think I'd basically lost all motivation to do anything and my gaming addiction had become a major problem.

Nevertheless I wasn't planning on giving up completely. Next semester I would take all 6 classes again. It'd be tough but I wanted to prove to myself that I could make it. At this point I was trailing behind people I really shouldn't have been trailing behind so I knew I had to pass most of this semester. If I couldn't handle this anymore I should give up.
I had been in college for almost 3 years. Most of the people I started with were starting their Master next year and I was stuck in my 2nd bachelor.
Turns out that semester is actually the hardest semester in the entire bachelor with Quantum Chemistry and shit like that so that didn't turn out well. I had taken 9 classes that year and passed none.

So here we are 2 months after that semester.
So I have to make a decision now. I could probably do it still. It'd just take me twice as long as everyone else at this point. Even if I pass everything from this point on I'm 2 years behind. So my decision is to drop out. Not to do nothing though. I'm continuing Chemistry but I'll be going for a more practical degree. Looked into it and I'll have to do Math I all over again there because of that 9 but Physics there combines my Physics I & II so even though I had a 9 for Physics II they might pass me for it because I passed Phyics I.
I already don't have to do like 9 classes anymore.
Also in colleges here we get a second chance for exams we didn't pass in August. Even though I'm dropping out I'm still retaking 4 out of 9 exams. If I pass some I won't have to do some classes in the other degree I'l be trying to get now. Also just trying to prove to myself I can do it but maybe I'm lying to myself. Had 2 of the exams so far. Passed 1 (probably), failed 1 (definitely).

So yea... idk what I'm doing with my life.
Science interests me but I keep losing motivation halfway through semesters. I don't know if this new course will change things.
I definitely have a video game addiction but I've been working on it. I've been keeping track of the hours I play and they're slowly decreasing atm. went from 70-80 hours per 2 weeks to 40-50 per 2 weeks.
Also been taking therapy since June to find motivation again. Don't know if it's actually helping me but I can only hope it is.

I've had the same problem since I was a child.
However they still tell you about it so they want you to know. Maybe they think you're just not that outgoing because of your social skills.
Directly ask them if you can come with them. It's not easy to ask at first but it has helped me. People just always assumed I wouldn't be interested until I told them I was

I rarely contribute to a conversation or have something to talk about. I always assumed nobody would care if I would be there or not. It took a friend yelling to my face how much he cared and how much I'd helped him in the past for me to realise.
Like I said it's not easy. It probably never will be. But you can't just assume people don't care about you. Assume they care and let them know you do care about them as well

Some people just despise me because of my name. I don't think I should be judged for that.

If u can make talk, nobody cares how you look just don't dress like a retard.

Ask them if you can come, there's a reason they're telling u

posted same thing twice, ignore this

why are people depressed and sad lately what is this, cheer up

Good luck mate, if you need to, hit me up and we can share a beer on a terrace somewhere and talk about it. It also would give me an excuse to make bad jokes to someone who might understand them.

To all the depressed shut-in people feeling the anxiety increasing with each day, good luck people. I have taught myself to be content, despite everything, and it's been working well for years, but it's a long progress, do try to keep at least one irl friend you keep in touch with, even if you don't know what to do. You never know when that rl friend can bail your ass out.

Also, stop calling me loveclop, goddamnit, I just like playing video games.

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Your name is a meme. There is stigma behind it. Some people will never like it/you. Accept it lol

I do well in school but have a 9:30 bedtime

i'm pale and underweight and people tell me i look like a school shooter
but its ok because i'm jogging/cycling/walking more so eventually i'll get that tan and then i'll just be a underweight weirdo

what if ur the kind of white person that only turns red instead of getting tan

Man people talkin about losing friends and shit but today I was playing tennis and accidentally tossed my tennis racquet over the fence whilst playing and it landed in a river :(

the biggest problem there was that u were playing tennis

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i think that might be me
what do??

I don't think I'll ever be good at aiming with a mouse. I'm 20. TF2 is my first ever FPS and I started playing it when I was 18. As far as aiming is concerned think I missed out on all that time in one's childhood where you develop skills rapidly. I wasn't playing quake or counter strike or TF2 when I was in middle school and high school. Which is a shame, because after 1,800 hours of TF2, starting competitive around 700, I'm in love with this game... I just can't click on people.

I think the number one issue of most people in this community is that they don't have a passion outside of tf2. Purely online interactions are never going to bring you the sense of fulfillment you want, no matter how much you have them or how good you get at this game. This game is just a hobby, not a way of life. It's fine if you want to play a ton of tf2 and try to get better, but there needs to be something else outside of this game that you're passionate about. Obviously, people have a myriad of problems, but this is something that I see very often here. I just experienced this recently; I finally got involved in something after months of only playing tf2 pretty much, and being exposed to other things really starts to put things in perspective for you (or, it did for me at the very least)

Dude, same here except I'm 27 and 5.2k hours.

50% of the reason I mained pyro for 2-3 years was because I thought I'd never have mechanics to play other classes. Still don't think I'll ever play 6s above mid etf2l, but I got over that stupid fear and am improving and having fun. P.S. if I can find ways to be less shit after 5k hours you can do it with 1.8k for sure

no matter how many people say otherwise, i will always think majority of people don't like me and i don't know why

i also have 0 confidence

The inconsistency in my gameplay makes me discouraged and not hopeful I can move up competitively. I haven't ever been consistent and that worries me.

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I haven't played video games in almost 1 month and honestly it sucks :(

I appreciate the compliments I get about my looks on my LFT thread but at the same time it would be nice to have more of my friends say nice things about my DM/gamesense. When all I hear is "myles is so cute!" I wonder if thats all they have to say :/ I just wanna be called a fragger!!

When you are financially secure and independent of your parents, tell them and then, if they freak, give them time. Don't hang around toxic shit and make it clear that if they want to have a relationship with you, it is on the terms of it being with the real, homosexual, you. But usually if you hold your ground and don't take shit and use the fact that they want you in their lives as much as you want to be in theirs, they will come around.

Good luck. Coming out is hard and being gay when your parents are homophobic is even harder, but you can make it.

i just want to say that im really happy this thread picked up, i was pretty worried that itd just be full of one liner replies and that id wake up to be horrendously -'d (those imaginary points matter to me). since it seems there are a lot of people here struggling with depression, i 100% encourage you to please get professional help. counseling isnt always effective on the first or second try but never give up. eventually you are going to find somebody who really clicks with you and genuinely understands. i have been in and out of therapy since i was 17 (so the past 5 years) and only just this year have i met somebody that i feel is helping me get the results i want. i was also very scared of medication in the past but i realized that my fear of it was just paranoia created by my mental state that was denying me treatment. people are here to help each other along, and those that do well at it usually end up doing some kind of therapy. if you dont know where to look, talk to your parents or go to your healthcare provider's website and search what is available in your area. it is absolutely worth it.

i can relate to this scenario a ton. if you know you are not about doing drugs keep that mentality and dont let it be tarnished by your 'friends'. it sucks to admit this but there comes a time where you realize the people around you arent always the best to stay in touch with. i have a lot of experience messing with all kinds of drugs and in the end, none of it was worth it. staying true to yourself and not giving in to peer pressure will help define you as a strong person and never let anybody else tell you otherwise. i also relate super heavy to the feeling like you wont find a job that you enjoy. the truth is whenever anyone asks me "what do you want to do?" i want to tell them "nothing" because i really dont want to work or struggle for money. but i have enjoyed a bunch of the jobs ive had, and i came across them all somewhat by chance. i delivered food for a while and i found that it was easy, the hours were short, and the money was decent. this depends on what establishment youre delivering for, but if youre thinking of doing it i suggest trying to find a nicer japanese/sushi place as people tend to tip more than say, for a pizza delivery. and its usually not as busy as pizza places tend to be. i also worked on a small farm for some time, shoveling poop and taking care of the animals. i really loved that job and the money was also pretty great. currently im doing some construction work and although its physically demanding and im outside in glorious new jersey heat, it feels like my work actually matters when i see the progress of whatever we are working on for the week. the money is also more than ive made anywhere else so far, which keeps me going. those are just some ideas, maybe things you wouldnt think of doing at first. i suggest looking on craigslist in your area and trying to find something labor oriented, where you will work with your hands, and get experience in a trade while youre there. it is absolutely worth waking up at 5am everyday and breaking my back because i never think about what time it is or when im going home, and there really isnt much interaction with people (i worked retail for a while and hated it, customer service is the worst). hope this helps.

thanks a ton :)

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