recently ive been thinking that every mundane everyday occurrence that affects me means i have a lethal disease and its been making my anxiety go through the fucking roof
i wake up every day thinking i'm going to die in like a month and its so fucking terrible
never google how to cure your everyday problems. they'll always wind up leading to some sort of cancer page
recently ive been thinking that every mundane everyday occurrence that affects me means i have a lethal disease and its been making my anxiety go through the fucking roof
i wake up every day thinking i'm going to die in like a month and its so fucking terrible
never google how to cure your everyday problems. they'll always wind up leading to some sort of cancer page
nothing lmao i wont lie im on top of my game these days, i see ya ppl with your struggles and i hope you'll get through rough spots but damn ive been good over the past few and hope to stay at it
nothing lmao i wont lie im on top of my game these days, i see ya ppl with your struggles and i hope you'll get through rough spots but damn ive been good over the past few and hope to stay at it
wrunothing lmao i wont lie im on top of my game these days, i see ya ppl with your struggles and i hope you'll get through rough spots but damn ive been good over the past few and hope to stay at it
bro i think u in the wrong thread then
[quote=wru]nothing lmao i wont lie im on top of my game these days, i see ya ppl with your struggles and i hope you'll get through rough spots but damn ive been good over the past few and hope to stay at it[/quote]
bro i think u in the wrong thread then
my hands hurt from playing too much guitar and melee
my hands hurt from playing too much guitar and melee
yeah the government just wants to recharge those birds and needs to keep us inside
yeah the government just wants to recharge those birds and needs to keep us inside
kawacoronavirus is being completely blown out of proportion in order to condition society into giving up their rights
we've got small businesses forced into closure while people are being shepherded into wal-marts with reduced hours, as well as people forced into waiting in USSR style queues at some grocery stores
i feel like i can't go anywhere on the internet without seeing literal bot spam and or agenda pushing, we're so far into manufactured chaos that there is pretty much no way to escape forced dualism
also my hands hurt from playing too much guitar and melee
https://i.gyazo.com/94392d3b9aee0f949dd4fd046bc783b6.png
my state alone is in the top 5 deaths if u compare vs other countries
[quote=kawa]coronavirus is being completely blown out of proportion in order to condition society into giving up their rights
we've got small businesses forced into closure while people are being shepherded into wal-marts with reduced hours, as well as people forced into waiting in USSR style queues at some grocery stores
i feel like i can't go anywhere on the internet without seeing literal bot spam and or agenda pushing, we're so far into manufactured chaos that there is pretty much no way to escape forced dualism
also my hands hurt from playing too much guitar and melee[/quote]
[img]https://i.gyazo.com/94392d3b9aee0f949dd4fd046bc783b6.png[/img]
my state alone is in the top 5 deaths if u compare vs other countries
kawacoronavirus is being completely blown out of proportion in order to condition society into giving up their rights
we've got small businesses forced into closure while people are being shepherded into wal-marts with reduced hours, as well as people forced into waiting in USSR style queues at some grocery stores
i feel like i can't go anywhere on the internet without seeing literal bot spam and or agenda pushing, we're so far into manufactured chaos that there is pretty much no way to escape forced dualism
also my hands hurt from playing too much guitar and melee
see i know you dont go outside, as a person that is outside everyday and its a fine to not wear a mask in public places where i live in Florida you have things wrong bout this virus. Um there is no chaos if you look around outside everyone acts completely normal and i travel all over and around my town/city. The people that are in chaos are weridos like you and people on twitter. people aree dying, i know 2 people that have died, but i know 5 people that have had it and they are fine. 80% chance to live with this virus so its pretty serious. please dont fall for stupid conspiracy or whatever you read on the internet.
[quote=kawa]coronavirus is being completely blown out of proportion in order to condition society into giving up their rights
we've got small businesses forced into closure while people are being shepherded into wal-marts with reduced hours, as well as people forced into waiting in USSR style queues at some grocery stores
i feel like i can't go anywhere on the internet without seeing literal bot spam and or agenda pushing, we're so far into manufactured chaos that there is pretty much no way to escape forced dualism
also my hands hurt from playing too much guitar and melee[/quote]
see i know you dont go outside, as a person that is outside everyday and its a fine to not wear a mask in public places where i live in Florida you have things wrong bout this virus. Um there is no chaos if you look around outside everyone acts completely normal and i travel all over and around my town/city. The people that are in chaos are weridos like you and people on twitter. people aree dying, i know 2 people that have died, but i know 5 people that have had it and they are fine. 80% chance to live with this virus so its pretty serious. please dont fall for stupid conspiracy or whatever you read on the internet.
Group assignments at Uni are fucking aids, ended up doing a whole assignment by myself, which is meant to have 5 people in the group. It’s honestly easier just doing the work, over spending 3 hours explaining why the assignment needs ‘in-text citations’ .....
Group assignments at Uni are fucking aids, ended up doing a whole assignment by myself, which is meant to have 5 people in the group. It’s honestly easier just doing the work, over spending 3 hours explaining why the assignment needs ‘in-text citations’ .....
kawai work outside every day, i'd say about 50% wear masks. i don't get any backlash for not wearing one
"weirdos like me" lol, sorry for questioning things. things are absolutely not normal, we cannot go eat at a restaurant with our friends right now. i'm not here to have a debate or change anyone's mind, or make a friend through a forum post. it doesn't take a genius to find a few clearly documented injustices committed by the US government or others around the globe, in very recent history. keep an open mind!
people like u that don't just listen to scientists that are way more educated than u are the reason why we're all here in the first place
[quote=kawa]i work outside every day, i'd say about 50% wear masks. i don't get any backlash for not wearing one
"weirdos like me" lol, sorry for questioning things. things are absolutely not normal, we cannot go eat at a restaurant with our friends right now. i'm not here to have a debate or change anyone's mind, or make a friend through a forum post. it doesn't take a genius to find a few clearly documented injustices committed by the US government or others around the globe, in very recent history. keep an open mind!
[/quote]
people like u that don't just listen to scientists that are way more educated than u are the reason why we're all here in the first place
Lets get deep.
This is gonna be a few paragraphs of reading so be ready
So our story begins shortly after i63, I decided after so many years of being a couch potato and struggling with mental health issues to finally get on the gym grind, great right? not so great, I quickly found out I have a very aggressive skin allergy to the metal in the bars (dermatitis) and didn't know what it was for a while so very quickly I started to get horrible blister type inflamation under my eyelids and any other exposed skin. I had also developed some type of serotonin syndrome(? still not 100% sure keep reading) in this time because the pump from working out was so intense, I started having very manic like behaviour shortly after this., I would force myself to go to the gym when I was struggling to see where I was going and being extremely delusional/hallucinations on top of that, Not only did I cause some damage to my eyesight and still have rough skin around most joints, Once I started to get stronger the Intensity of working out started to fade and I started to injure myself, to the point I had tendonitis so bad I lost feeling in my hands for a month which meant I had to take a lengthy break from the gym which then made my serotonin levels start to drop dramatically and my mental illness(es?) started going completely crazy, This was around i65 that these issues came to a climax.
So leading up to i65 I was on a team as scout with some people I know, was hoping that Lan would bring me out of my awful mood and awful behaviour towards my teammates, but that was the beginning of the darkest period of my life I would come to find out. On the flight down to Birmingham my phone got stolen, I had slept like 4 hours maybe cos my flight was early as fuck (haha insomnia amirite) so I didn't notice until I was on the plane. Luckily, I was flying down with Sivik, Louis and Plunk so getting around/communication with my family wasn't a problem, But I couldn't access my steam account or emails to get into my account. Not the worst of things to happen, but then after the first day I buy some energy drinks from the local shop and go to bed. Well I guess someone must have kicked my bag in the meantime because that can burst all over my peripherals, ruining my mouse and keyboard which I literally bought for that lan (Also ruined my headset like a week or 2 after lan). I was already pretty low on cash seeing as I was working 0 hour contract so losing like £150 and it not being on alcohol is pretty depressing in its own right. After that I then got food poisoning on the day of grand finals, I could pull through to watch the grand finals but didn't wanna stay around after that.
After coming back from lan feeling as if I was cursed, I thought things would improve in life once my hands were recovered and tried to look forward to that, boy was I wrong. The last 6 months of my life has been literal hell, My brother has stole from me multiple times, ruined christmas by being an alcoholic with a drug addiction and a 4 year old son that I honestly hope CPS has a chance to save from the upbringing he's going to have, my parents trying to physically abuse me as well as constantly mental abuse, 2 of my friends committed suicide in this time also and on new years eve I watched my coworker have a heart attack and then I lost my job a month later (liquidation), This was during my season of prem which we were planning to go to the BTS Lan which got cancelled, so the only thing I was looking forward to at that point ended up being a waste of close to £800 (big ups coyo for giving me some of the cash to help, genuinely couldn't ask for a better friend, never even mentioned that I needed the money or anything to him).
I was at the lowest point in my life mentally, I couldn't feel anything but pain. I'm sure people noticed the extremely morbid steam names and behavioural changes I was going through. I've had a feeling for a long time in my life that I have to force every social interaction in order to get people to even acknowledge my existence. So when people started reaching out to me it definitely helped but after a while it just felt like those people felt obligated to do that as well and were just trying to give advice instead of being actual friends, never talking to me again after the one or 2 conversations and telling me things like I shouldn't rely on other people to be happy. I haven't had any real close friends in real life or online so hearing things like that are soul destroying, nobody gives a fuck about how I feel for the most part and why should they? these are the kinds of mindsets I go through every single day and when days are good I start getting some kind of amnesia and forget a lot of things, I get very severe dissociation when I'm doing things, so one good day can result in a week of complete confusion. Then there were the people who thought they were tryna be funny or some shit like hamaham who tried to ridicule me when I was having a very extreme mental breakdown, finding out people in circlejerks have chatlogs of things I say saved to shame me or something. When people talk about how this community is so nice I don't know what the fuck they're talking about I can name plenty of awful people in this community, myself being one of them.
I finally decided to go see a doctor to try and help with my issues, I explained to him this story and what i've been going through and he pretty much immediately got me on the max dosage as fast as possible of antidepressant, But I can't get the proper medicine I need because of coronavirus I can't actually see a therapist or a psychiatrist to figure out what's actually wrong with me, The medicine helps with some of the issues at least but not knowing what is actually wrong with you is a horrifying feeling. An educated guess as to what I personally believe is the issue is extreme Clinical depression coupled with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder but it could be something "more serious" like bipolar-schizoaffective disorder because of the hallucinations/delusions (not sure if these were caused by severe insomnia or If i'm genuinely just fucking losing it) and if I am the latter I genuinely fear for what could happen to me mentally because as times gone on life has got nothing but worse. I have no support system in my life and only a handful people on my friendslist that actually make the effort to try to be a legitimate friend, even just the people that say hi here and there, they don't know how much it means to me these days.
Some people already know of my issues so this might be a shock to people, but I finally feel comfortable enough to talk about the more recent issues in my life and to the people that are gonna judge me fuck you.
TL;DR Life is pain; mental health issues is are very real thing; fuck hamaham.
Shoutouts to people like Kn, Coyo, Mars, Owen, Catbowcar, Geezers, Gavin, Crayon, Mai, those in the cuckshed, my team last season for putting up with possibly my most toxic behaviour ever, I genuinely apologise and don't know why you guys decided to put up with it honestly, and a few others I'm forgetting. I wouldn't still be here if these people weren't in my life.
Lets get deep.
This is gonna be a few paragraphs of reading so be ready
So our story begins shortly after i63, I decided after so many years of being a couch potato and struggling with mental health issues to finally get on the gym grind, great right? not so great, I quickly found out I have a very aggressive skin allergy to the metal in the bars (dermatitis) and didn't know what it was for a while so very quickly I started to get horrible blister type inflamation under my eyelids and any other exposed skin. I had also developed some type of serotonin syndrome(? still not 100% sure keep reading) in this time because the pump from working out was so intense, I started having very manic like behaviour shortly after this., I would force myself to go to the gym when I was struggling to see where I was going and being extremely delusional/hallucinations on top of that, Not only did I cause some damage to my eyesight and still have rough skin around most joints, Once I started to get stronger the Intensity of working out started to fade and I started to injure myself, to the point I had tendonitis so bad I lost feeling in my hands for a month which meant I had to take a lengthy break from the gym which then made my serotonin levels start to drop dramatically and my mental illness(es?) started going completely crazy, This was around i65 that these issues came to a climax.
So leading up to i65 I was on a team as scout with some people I know, was hoping that Lan would bring me out of my awful mood and awful behaviour towards my teammates, but that was the beginning of the darkest period of my life I would come to find out. On the flight down to Birmingham my phone got stolen, I had slept like 4 hours maybe cos my flight was early as fuck (haha insomnia amirite) so I didn't notice until I was on the plane. Luckily, I was flying down with Sivik, Louis and Plunk so getting around/communication with my family wasn't a problem, But I couldn't access my steam account or emails to get into my account. Not the worst of things to happen, but then after the first day I buy some energy drinks from the local shop and go to bed. Well I guess someone must have kicked my bag in the meantime because that can burst all over my peripherals, ruining my mouse and keyboard which I literally bought for that lan (Also ruined my headset like a week or 2 after lan). I was already pretty low on cash seeing as I was working 0 hour contract so losing like £150 and it not being on alcohol is pretty depressing in its own right. After that I then got food poisoning on the day of grand finals, I could pull through to watch the grand finals but didn't wanna stay around after that.
After coming back from lan feeling as if I was cursed, I thought things would improve in life once my hands were recovered and tried to look forward to that, boy was I wrong. The last 6 months of my life has been literal hell, My brother has stole from me multiple times, ruined christmas by being an alcoholic with a drug addiction and a 4 year old son that I honestly hope CPS has a chance to save from the upbringing he's going to have, my parents trying to physically abuse me as well as constantly mental abuse, 2 of my friends committed suicide in this time also and on new years eve I watched my coworker have a heart attack and then I lost my job a month later (liquidation), This was during my season of prem which we were planning to go to the BTS Lan which got cancelled, so the only thing I was looking forward to at that point ended up being a waste of close to £800 (big ups coyo for giving me some of the cash to help, genuinely couldn't ask for a better friend, never even mentioned that I needed the money or anything to him).
I was at the lowest point in my life mentally, I couldn't feel anything but pain. I'm sure people noticed the extremely morbid steam names and behavioural changes I was going through. I've had a feeling for a long time in my life that I have to force every social interaction in order to get people to even acknowledge my existence. So when people started reaching out to me it definitely helped but after a while it just felt like those people felt obligated to do that as well and were just trying to give advice instead of being actual friends, never talking to me again after the one or 2 conversations and telling me things like I shouldn't rely on other people to be happy. I haven't had any real close friends in real life or online so hearing things like that are soul destroying, nobody gives a fuck about how I feel for the most part and why should they? these are the kinds of mindsets I go through every single day and when days are good I start getting some kind of amnesia and forget a lot of things, I get very severe dissociation when I'm doing things, so one good day can result in a week of complete confusion. Then there were the people who thought they were tryna be funny or some shit like hamaham who tried to ridicule me when I was having a very extreme mental breakdown, finding out people in circlejerks have chatlogs of things I say saved to shame me or something. When people talk about how this community is so nice I don't know what the fuck they're talking about I can name plenty of awful people in this community, myself being one of them.
I finally decided to go see a doctor to try and help with my issues, I explained to him this story and what i've been going through and he pretty much immediately got me on the max dosage as fast as possible of antidepressant, But I can't get the proper medicine I need because of coronavirus I can't actually see a therapist or a psychiatrist to figure out what's actually wrong with me, The medicine helps with some of the issues at least but not knowing what is actually wrong with you is a horrifying feeling. An educated guess as to what I personally believe is the issue is extreme Clinical depression coupled with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder but it could be something "more serious" like bipolar-schizoaffective disorder because of the hallucinations/delusions (not sure if these were caused by severe insomnia or If i'm genuinely just fucking losing it) and if I am the latter I genuinely fear for what could happen to me mentally because as times gone on life has got nothing but worse. I have no support system in my life and only a handful people on my friendslist that actually make the effort to try to be a legitimate friend, even just the people that say hi here and there, they don't know how much it means to me these days.
Some people already know of my issues so this might be a shock to people, but I finally feel comfortable enough to talk about the more recent issues in my life and to the people that are gonna judge me fuck you.
TL;DR Life is pain; mental health issues is are very real thing; fuck hamaham.
Shoutouts to people like Kn, Coyo, Mars, Owen, Catbowcar, Geezers, Gavin, Crayon, Mai, those in the cuckshed, my team last season for putting up with possibly my most toxic behaviour ever, I genuinely apologise and don't know why you guys decided to put up with it honestly, and a few others I'm forgetting. I wouldn't still be here if these people weren't in my life.
Sprite
So sorry to hear you've been through so much pain, and well done for sharing your story. It sounds like you've had an extremely rough time and although my word won't mean much, trust me when I say things can only get better now that you're on your meds, even if that may seem difficult to believe right now. Wishing you the best of luck brother.
[quote=Sprite][/quote]
So sorry to hear you've been through so much pain, and well done for sharing your story. It sounds like you've had an extremely rough time and although my word won't mean much, trust me when I say things can only get better now that you're on your meds, even if that may seem difficult to believe right now. Wishing you the best of luck brother.
EDIT: i can't even post about my struggles without people thinking it's a meme and downvoting it, so nothing to see here :/
EDIT: i can't even post about my struggles without people thinking it's a meme and downvoting it, so nothing to see here :/
i just ripped the last pair of shoe laces i had and all the shops are closed so now im gonna be flopping to tescos and back till the covid thing stops
5mins into skate sesh also i forgot to add
THIS, and i never kno whats for dinner. don't even kno today. im pi*sed off
i just ripped the last pair of shoe laces i had and all the shops are closed so now im gonna be flopping to tescos and back till the covid thing stops
5mins into skate sesh also i forgot to add
THIS, and i never kno whats for dinner. don't even kno today. im pi*sed off
story of my life (in meme format to make it funner to read!)
>be me, perfectly happy 16 year old
>straight a student with lots of friends and plans for the future
>suddenly start having odd thoughts
>end up identifying as a woman
>immediately sink into severe depression and anxiety
>fail classes, lose almost all friends, stuck in the closet because i live with a very conservative family
>still the same 3 and a forth years later
mfw https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ugc/1022823625170512430/3C4E0852A6776BD1AC91010CA74188852E1EB68D/
story of my life (in meme format to make it funner to read!)
>be me, perfectly happy 16 year old
>straight a student with lots of friends and plans for the future
>suddenly start having odd thoughts
>end up identifying as a woman
>immediately sink into severe depression and anxiety
>fail classes, lose almost all friends, stuck in the closet because i live with a very conservative family
>still the same 3 and a forth years later
mfw https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ugc/1022823625170512430/3C4E0852A6776BD1AC91010CA74188852E1EB68D/
This quarantine is hitting everyone hard and a lot of people are struggling, either financially or mentally or in other ways. Please don't hesitate to reach out to your friends, whether it be needing a friend to talk to, or just to see how they are doing. I personally don't know a lot of people who post on tftv but if anyone needs help or just someone to talk to, don't hesitate to hit me up. We're all going through this together.
This quarantine is hitting everyone hard and a lot of people are struggling, either financially or mentally or in other ways. Please don't hesitate to reach out to your friends, whether it be needing a friend to talk to, or just to see how they are doing. I personally don't know a lot of people who post on tftv but if anyone needs help or just someone to talk to, don't hesitate to hit me up. We're all going through this together.
I can hear a faint shriek of a woman outside from opening my window whilst trying to sleep and it got my thinking what it could be firstly she could be having the absolute time of her life, but more realistically I'd assume some sort of domestic abuse, lockdown in countries have made things 100 times worse for people going through these sort of situations, to go from using work, meeting up with friends or just doing your own thing by yourself to being trapped in the same house as that exact thing you were trying to get away from is all kinds of fucked up.
I can hear a faint shriek of a woman outside from opening my window whilst trying to sleep and it got my thinking what it could be firstly she could be having the absolute time of her life, but more realistically I'd assume some sort of domestic abuse, lockdown in countries have made things 100 times worse for people going through these sort of situations, to go from using work, meeting up with friends or just doing your own thing by yourself to being trapped in the same house as that exact thing you were trying to get away from is all kinds of fucked up.
I can hear a faint shriek of a woman outside from opening my window whilst trying to sleep and it got my thinking what it could be firstly she could be having the absolute time of her life, but more realistically I'd assume some sort of domestic abuse, lockdown in countries have made things 100 times worse for people going through these sort of situations, to go from using work, meeting up with friends or just doing your own thing by yourself to being trapped in the same house as that exact thing you were trying to get away from is all kinds of fucked up.
I can hear a faint shriek of a woman outside from opening my window whilst trying to sleep and it got my thinking what it could be firstly she could be having the absolute time of her life, but more realistically I'd assume some sort of domestic abuse, lockdown in countries have made things 100 times worse for people going through these sort of situations, to go from using work, meeting up with friends or just doing your own thing by yourself to being trapped in the same house as that exact thing you were trying to get away from is all kinds of fucked up.
Fucking hell Sprite man, I hope things begin to look up for you asap.
edit:
Fucking hell Sprite man, I hope things begin to look up for you asap.
edit:
Tobuscus you have doubled posted
Tobuscus you have doubled posted
online school is all the bad parts of school without getting to see my friends
online school is all the bad parts of school without getting to see my friends
ppl talking about this quarantine thing being stuck inside, but i haven't been able to leave my house in years
fucking hate agoraphobia dude i can't take this shit much longer
ppl talking about this quarantine thing being stuck inside, but i haven't been able to leave my house in years
fucking hate agoraphobia dude i can't take this shit much longer
cant go outside much,and no gym so i have to do calisthenics (ew)
and tf2 is getting fucking boring
and everything is getting stale and boring its aidsss man
cant go outside much,and no gym so i have to do calisthenics (ew)
and tf2 is getting fucking boring
and everything is getting stale and boring its aidsss man
have no weed dwindling money and no job, things are somewhat not awesome
have no weed dwindling money and no job, things are somewhat not awesome
slowly going crazy every day feels like the same day
slowly going crazy every day feels like the same day