a few choice moments from the life of ukm
when i was 4 i jammed my thumb into a vacuum cleaner to see what would happen, got stuck, yelled for mom, mom told me not to move while she went to get a screwdriver to take it apart, i panicked and ripped my thumb out tearing a giant flap of skin back which cause a big scar on my thumb i still have today
when i was ~10 some girl in class was pissing me off repeatedly on purpose so i stabbed her in the leg with a pencil.. not hard enough to draw blood but pretty dang hard.. somehow avoided getting in trouble for that one
when i was ~14 smoked weed with a few people in broad daylight on school property in the parking lot, some family friend apparently saw it and told my mom, had an awkward convo where she told me i'm old enough to make my own decisions but if it wasn't a cigarette and i get in trouble with the cops she's not bailing me out and i have to deal with it on my own
freshman year uni while walking to a bar in hull i was walking backwards in front of a group of ppl from my floor talking to them. we'd been pregaming pretty hard so my spatial awareness was not in top form and i walked backward into the giant fountain that i didnt realize was directly in front of the bar we were going to. went ass over tea kettle into it and got completely soaked about 10 feet directly in front of the bouncers - got up shook it off a bit and pretended like nothing happened, they let me in
few years back i got a lapdance at the ripper's from a young somalian dancer - apparently she liked the way i touch boobies because she asked for my number. called me the next day and we went on a date to the fair with her younger (~6 year old) brother. while we were there she apparently recognized one of the carnies, knew him by name, tried to get the carnie to babysit her younger brother while we went on some 2-person ride together (he refused). then back to her place where i fucked her rawdog.. honestly probably the dumbest one but got away with it scott-free thank the lord
and since then i havent done shit because i turned into an asocial nerd who plays tf2 constantly