sqd

you can't just say this and not provide a picture!

I'm going to spend next week going to lan and hanging out with my friends :D

I streamed until almost 7 AM and spent the last hour just talking to people in my stream. For the first time in a long time I’m going to bed somewhat close to happy. I know I have a super long way to go in terms of getting back to the person I know I can be mentally and emotionally, but it was a good reminder that there are people who care and actually enjoy my presence. Feels good man

I’m playing hockey again starting this September :)

Today I was at the pet store and they have a big tortoise who wanders around and and he walked up to me and I petted him and he was happy. That made me happy. I got to pet a BIG TORTOISE. :)

Edit: It was one of these guys.

https://zoomed.com/wp-content/uploads/Sulcata-Tortoise.jpg

I'm down 56 pounds over the last four months after going carnivore (I had an ankle problem which kept me from exercising; even on a low-carb diet I gain weight slowly without exercise, so I decided to go to zero carbs). I was 352 just over a year ago; am at 254 now. We'll see what the future holds, whether I'll consume carbs again or not. I feel terrific, though there are at least another 30-some pounds to drop. My sleep has improved; my mood is far more positive; my rate of reading has more than doubled compared to the rest of the year (which is bonkers, considering that I had the summer off as a teacher and my carnivore diet coincided not only with my teaching duties, but with my time spent coaching football). I'm thrilled with the results so far.

I'm going to see my youngest bother for dinner tomorrow night before he gets deployed in two more weeks. We'll have a good time together.

Life's going pretty well, all things considered.

c]:- )

screwball i still need those photos

after getting kicked out my band the night before a show almost 2 years ago, im finally going to be playing our first show with my new band squirrel girl tomorrow night ^_^

I had surgery and very likely don’t have the testicular cancer that was suspected previously, also got to try fentanyl for free lol

Its is my birthday;3

happy because i have a new schedule which actually gave me 6 hours and 15 minutes more freedom from school. also happy that i'm having fun playing cs:go as an IGL more often.

I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO FAIL THIS CLASS BUT I GOT A B- IN IT I FEEL ALIVE

My company does Christmas Pay so I get double my usual wage tomorrow!

didnt lose to brighton

My W's of 2021:
1) have gone through about a year of therapy, am now less depressed and off meds
2) not perfect grades but i accept that and will succeed in spite of that
3) moving in with friend, leaving toxic household i was in before
4) on main team with 2 of my friends after a half-year break (epic style)

haha jesus christ. so sad. i'm sorry for laughing but this made my day

these days I feel at last more liberated from very damaging things to my future and mental state as a result of very difficult somewhat still ongoing decisions from this past year, and am ready to take on what I have to do with better understanding of who I am and who I want to be :)

when i stopped playing competitive TF2 around a year ago, everything initially just crumbled. i wasn't in the best state when it came to my identity, i lost most contacts around the same time, i had manic/depressive episodes, my college course was fucked, i couldn't keep my job so i couldn't rectify my college or my dorm room so i had to move back in with my parents.

got some professional help in the meantime, and while i'm still not completely sorted out, i at least know who i am personally now. got ADs prescribed which started kicking in about a week ago (took way too long to get them because i don't have balls), so i'm not constantly dragging my mind through the darkness anymore and i got accepted for a traineeship so i can actually continue my study while having a job at the same time.

however, the one thing that really got me sorting myself out is getting in a relation. i've been in absolutely horrible ones before, and this one when we started, everything just stayed the same except we have each other now. i can't really describe it, with other relations sure i felt attracted but the emotional happiness i get from being with her is just inexplicable. we've been together for nearly 10 months now, and it's just been such a positive influence on my life.

oh yeah i also went down from 105 to 90 kilos in about 2,5 months which is absolutely wonderful. still not my goal of 80 but with this speed i'll be there in another 2 months

beaten footsies: rollback edition arcade mode today. also got on a season 5 newcomer 6v6 team a few days ago. will update you guys with new posts every once in a while.

we're getting married :)

Everyone who likes this thread would get a kick out of the concept of a "gratitude rock." A rock that you keep in your pocket, and every time you touch it, you think of something you're thankful for. Maybe we could carry happy rocks.

does it have to be a rock?

I don't see why. if you instead have a rubber duck in your pocket that reminds you of good times then that's just as useful.

Honestly today is something special. So much good music being released today that I'm having difficulty figuring out where to even begin. New Isaiah Rashad single dropped, as well as new albums from Squid, Ziur and Skee Mask, the last of which released one of my alltime favourite albums last decade. Super excited to chug buckets of coffee and listen to all this great music :)))

I've finally started sticking to an exercise regime and I've saved up enough money to visit my boyfriend this summer :)

Doesn't seem like great news on the surface but I'm on a new medication which should help with some of the recent psychotic symptoms I've had.

My most recent co-op probably changed my life and I only got it because I cold called a dream professor at my university and got an 8 month co-op. I got to work on green tech that I actually care about and my supervisor was so amazing and supportive.

I'm going to end this coop with 1 paper published, 1 paper under peer review and 1 manuscript done, all of which are viable for high impact journals. When I apply for Phd programs I'll actually have papers on my resume with me as 2nd author. The entire research group was super supportive and encouraged me aim higher than them and now professors at Ivy League tier universities are interested in having me as a PhD student.

All I have to do now is actually get into an ivy league school lol :P

I feel like this is a bit of a necro but I wanted to just talk for a second about how much I appreciate this community.

I started playing this game when I was 9, and joined the competitive community at 11. I was an annoying shit, and most people just kinda tuned me out. In any case, my escape for real life was this game. I loved playing it, I play it 24/7. If I had a bad day at school or something bullshit happened in my life I could always expect to be able to play on TF2c or on UGC and cheer myself up. About 2 years ago, life took a dip probably because I was an emo teenager. I got mood swings, I had practically zero energy, people at school weren't being nice, the whole 9 yards. Even then I could turn to this game and people within this community.

Now, 2 years have passed since I was at the lowest point and I haven't just rebounded, I am now an actual healthy functioning adult. I'm now 17 years old and I acquired a job at a college to lecture and tutor students on higher mathematics and physics. I've made actual friends in real life who I spend time with consistently. I even have a shot of joining a top school in the USA not just for undergrad or grad school; but to even play a sport there (even if its table tennis lmao). I still have my lows and things I can change, but now my outlook on life isn't just cringe-edgy teenager shit. I feel not only as if I have some autonomy in my own life but that I heading places that I really want to be, and I have nothing but you guys and this game to thank

Thanks TF2. I love all of you.

I've held down a job for over 2 years now and I will be achieving independence soon. Despite all the melodrama and depression I experienced when I was younger I've very slowly been able to get my shit together. Hope everyone else is doing well.

I’m finally pursuing a career that I care about and classes/training have been actually going really well. I’m starting to get cool with my classmates to the point where we have plans to go out and do cool shit together, which is even more than I was hoping for out of the program (this cute classmate invited me to a halloween party at a venue we both like, and I’m gonna help one with his BMW soon too which is SO exciting bcus it’s a big job and I’ll learn so much about german cars!!). I also reconnected with some old friends and have been leaving the house every weekend for more than getting fast food or nicotine. Also just feeling much more comfortable in my skin, meeting and actually connecting with strangers, dressing in a way I would’ve been too insecure to even 8 months ago, not doing anything truly nefarious.

Things have been Good lately : ) now I just need to carry this momentum thru seasonal depression

AND MY ADVICE TO ANYONE IN THE HOLE: FIND SOMETHING THAT TICKLES YOU EVEN SLIGHTLY AND RUN WITH IT AS FAST AS YOU CAN! THE SOONER YOU START DOING THE BETTER YOU’LL FEEL. STOP CARING WHAT PEOPLE MIGHT THINK WHEN MEETING/RECONNECTING WITH THEM, JUST BE AS TRUE TO URSELF AS U POSSIBLY CAN BE AND THE PEOPLE YOU NEED IN YOUR LIFE WILL ADORE THAT ABOUT YOU. AND FINALLY, love yourself (it’s so corny but it’s true, you are your only true ride or die so u gotta appreciate who you are) and maybe get a gym membership bcus pumping iron is so cathartic