ex gf OD'd 2 months ago, spoke to her the night she died and I didn't do anything to save her
Emotional Experiences
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I did shrooms for the first time with some friends up in the mountains last weekend. It was a really happy weekend for me.
I did shrooms for the first time with some friends up in the mountains last weekend. It was a really happy weekend for me.
Realizing 2 years too late that I deleted my old channel and almost everything I made when I was 12. Sure they were crappy videos but they were a big part in my young life, and that didn't hit me until it was way too late.
Realizing 2 years too late that I deleted my old channel and almost everything I made when I was 12. Sure they were crappy videos but they were a big part in my young life, and that didn't hit me until it was way too late.
Realizing that I could have learned a lot from my grandpa while he was alive at his funeral was crushing. He always seemed to smile about everything, regardless of the situation. Even as his Alzheimer's advanced he would smile about even the smallest things. I spent most of my young adult life obsessed with my own anger and how to release that in others. Depression and anxiety crippled what little social skills I had during most of my middle school and high school years, and the moderate obsession with making others angry never really alleviated it. Seeing how proud my mother was of my grandfather, how many people came to see him and how many cared for a man they may have only met once or twice gave me a feeling that I had wasted years of my life. Coupled with the grief of close family dying, this led to one hell of a bender (I had also recently been fired from a decent job, but that's no reason to go on a bender).
It's one of 2-3 times in my life I've cried uncontrollably, seeing my potential go down the drain made me realize that I spent 10 years of maybe 70 working to actively hate people.
Realizing that I could have learned a lot from my grandpa while he was alive at his funeral was crushing. He always seemed to smile about everything, regardless of the situation. Even as his Alzheimer's advanced he would smile about even the smallest things. I spent most of my young adult life obsessed with my own anger and how to release that in others. Depression and anxiety crippled what little social skills I had during most of my middle school and high school years, and the moderate obsession with making others angry never really alleviated it. Seeing how proud my mother was of my grandfather, how many people came to see him and how many cared for a man they may have only met once or twice gave me a feeling that I had wasted years of my life. Coupled with the grief of close family dying, this led to one hell of a bender (I had also recently been fired from a decent job, but that's no reason to go on a bender).
It's one of 2-3 times in my life I've cried uncontrollably, seeing my potential go down the drain made me realize that I spent 10 years of maybe 70 working to actively hate people.
It's one of 2-3 times in my life I've cried uncontrollably, seeing my potential go down the drain made me realize that I spent 10 years of maybe 70 working to actively hate people.
told marisa i loved her while i was drunk @ ets lan rofl. she didn't think i was serious but here we are now. luv you marisa~
told marisa i loved her while i was drunk @ ets lan rofl. she didn't think i was serious but here we are now. luv you marisa~
seeing a person die has been quite the experience. When i was on a clinical for my EMT program i was required to help around the emergency room. An old lady comes through and her heart was already stopped so i got to preform cpr which was really exciting we brought her back twice but unfortunately she had passed. It was actually quite peaceful because she never woke the heart monitor just let out its beep. The most emotional experience was seeing a 50 something cry momma while her children tried to comfort her and the grand children stepped outside not knowing how to react. Ill never forget those reactions.
seeing a person die has been quite the experience. When i was on a clinical for my EMT program i was required to help around the emergency room. An old lady comes through and her heart was already stopped so i got to preform cpr which was really exciting we brought her back twice but unfortunately she had passed. It was actually quite peaceful because she never woke the heart monitor just let out its beep. The most emotional experience was seeing a 50 something cry momma while her children tried to comfort her and the grand children stepped outside not knowing how to react. Ill never forget those reactions.
A friend from when I lived in Singapore killed himself. I didn't think it would affect me much, but then it did. I couldn't sleep properly for a week.
It's funny, I hadn't seen or heard from him in 5+ years, but it still hit me pretty hard because he didn't seem like the type of person who would be depressed. They never do really.
A friend from when I lived in Singapore killed himself. I didn't think it would affect me much, but then it did. I couldn't sleep properly for a week.
It's funny, I hadn't seen or heard from him in 5+ years, but it still hit me pretty hard because he didn't seem like the type of person who would be depressed. They never do really.
It's funny, I hadn't seen or heard from him in 5+ years, but it still hit me pretty hard because he didn't seem like the type of person who would be depressed. They never do really.
Hanako's bad ending in Katawa Shoujo... ;-;
EDIT: -fraggers have clearly never played it. I cried :c
Hanako's bad ending in Katawa Shoujo... ;-;
EDIT: -fraggers have clearly never played it. I cried :c
EDIT: -fraggers have clearly never played it. I cried :c
harbleutold marisa i loved her while i was drunk @ ets lan rofl. she didn't think i was serious but here we are now. luv you marisa~
she?
[quote=harbleu]told marisa i loved her while i was drunk @ ets lan rofl. she didn't think i was serious but here we are now. luv you marisa~[/quote]
she?
she?
I'm in the hospital and the Doctors said that my CT scan said I didn't have a tumor, so that's fairly emotional.
I'm in the hospital and the Doctors said that my CT scan said I didn't have a tumor, so that's fairly emotional.
dog got bit by a cottonmouth the other day
luckily it was a dry bite
dog got bit by a cottonmouth the other day
luckily it was a dry bite
luckily it was a dry bite
MGEMikeharbleutold marisa i loved her while i was drunk @ ets lan rofl. she didn't think i was serious but here we are now. luv you marisa~
she?
If she identifys herself as a woman then she is a woman, shitlord.
[quote=MGEMike][quote=harbleu]told marisa i loved her while i was drunk @ ets lan rofl. she didn't think i was serious but here we are now. luv you marisa~[/quote]
she?[/quote]
If she identifys herself as a woman then she is a woman, shitlord.
she?[/quote]
If she identifys herself as a woman then she is a woman, shitlord.
phobiaMGEMikeIf she identifys herself as a woman then she is a woman, shitlord.harbleutold marisa i loved her while i was drunk @ ets lan rofl. she didn't think i was serious but here we are now. luv you marisa~
she?
so did ruwin, does that still make him a girl?
[quote=phobia][quote=MGEMike][quote=harbleu]told marisa i loved her while i was drunk @ ets lan rofl. she didn't think i was serious but here we are now. luv you marisa~[/quote]
she?[/quote]
If she identifys herself as a woman then she is a woman, shitlord.[/quote]
so did ruwin, does that still make him a girl?
she?[/quote]
If she identifys herself as a woman then she is a woman, shitlord.[/quote]
so did ruwin, does that still make him a girl?
Several for me.
The day my Grandad died, I felt nothing. 3 years after, I still feel his presence.
Being scared about telling the girl I love my feelings (#anxietyissues)
Seeing my great-uncle hit a stationary truck at around 80km/h. He didn't survive.
Probably the worst, yet best, was when I tried to commit suicide, and someone stopped me from doing it. That's what made me think and helped myself back up. And finally found someone who cared about me.
Several for me.
The day my Grandad died, I felt nothing. 3 years after, I still feel his presence.
Being scared about telling the girl I love my feelings (#anxietyissues)
Seeing my great-uncle hit a stationary truck at around 80km/h. He didn't survive.
Probably the worst, yet best, was when I tried to commit suicide, and someone stopped me from doing it. That's what made me think and helped myself back up. And finally found someone who cared about me.
The day my Grandad died, I felt nothing. 3 years after, I still feel his presence.
Being scared about telling the girl I love my feelings (#anxietyissues)
Seeing my great-uncle hit a stationary truck at around 80km/h. He didn't survive.
Probably the worst, yet best, was when I tried to commit suicide, and someone stopped me from doing it. That's what made me think and helped myself back up. And finally found someone who cared about me.
last night was pretty fucking shitty for me.
got off work earlier than usual, about 915. Nice I wont be too late for scrims tonight. Get a flat tire IN my works parking lot...
wait an hour for our bartender to get off and give me a ride to a house i'm staying at currently, walk inside and my laptop is dead, won't boot.
pretty fucking angry at this point so I just say fuck it, I'm gonna have a friend over and forget about this. Friend comes over at like 12, have a great time for a couple hours.
She's been dealing with a lot of emotional shit recently and is pretty touchy about it all right now. I steered the conversation into bad territory and she gets upset. Asks if I can drive her home and bring her car back to her today. Drive 30 mins each way or so to drop her off, and ran over a fucking baby raccoon on my way home =((((((. I saw a mom with like 5 or 6 little ones crossing a road, hit the brakes too late and clipped the last in line. The crunch is haunting me today. Didn't sleep a second last night and I've got a pretty busy day. fuck.
last night was pretty fucking shitty for me.
got off work earlier than usual, about 915. Nice I wont be too late for scrims tonight. Get a flat tire IN my works parking lot...
wait an hour for our bartender to get off and give me a ride to a house i'm staying at currently, walk inside and my laptop is dead, won't boot.
pretty fucking angry at this point so I just say fuck it, I'm gonna have a friend over and forget about this. Friend comes over at like 12, have a great time for a couple hours.
She's been dealing with a lot of emotional shit recently and is pretty touchy about it all right now. I steered the conversation into bad territory and she gets upset. Asks if I can drive her home and bring her car back to her today. Drive 30 mins each way or so to drop her off, and ran over a fucking baby raccoon on my way home =((((((. I saw a mom with like 5 or 6 little ones crossing a road, hit the brakes too late and clipped the last in line. The crunch is haunting me today. Didn't sleep a second last night and I've got a pretty busy day. fuck.
got off work earlier than usual, about 915. Nice I wont be too late for scrims tonight. Get a flat tire IN my works parking lot...
wait an hour for our bartender to get off and give me a ride to a house i'm staying at currently, walk inside and my laptop is dead, won't boot.
pretty fucking angry at this point so I just say fuck it, I'm gonna have a friend over and forget about this. Friend comes over at like 12, have a great time for a couple hours.
She's been dealing with a lot of emotional shit recently and is pretty touchy about it all right now. I steered the conversation into bad territory and she gets upset. Asks if I can drive her home and bring her car back to her today. Drive 30 mins each way or so to drop her off, and ran over a fucking baby raccoon on my way home =((((((. I saw a mom with like 5 or 6 little ones crossing a road, hit the brakes too late and clipped the last in line. The crunch is haunting me today. Didn't sleep a second last night and I've got a pretty busy day. fuck.
boomerDrive 30 mins each way or so to drop her off, and ran over a fucking baby raccoon on my way home =((((((. I saw a mom with like 5 or 6 little ones crossing a road, hit the brakes too late and clipped the last in line. The crunch is haunting me today.
tragic :(
[quote=boomer]Drive 30 mins each way or so to drop her off, and ran over a fucking baby raccoon on my way home =((((((. I saw a mom with like 5 or 6 little ones crossing a road, hit the brakes too late and clipped the last in line. The crunch is haunting me today.[/quote]
tragic :(
tragic :(
listening to joy division always gives me a bad case of the feels
that and mood swings from un-medicated manic-depression
listening to joy division always gives me a bad case of the feels
that and mood swings from un-medicated manic-depression
that and mood swings from un-medicated manic-depression
I've had a lot of wacky shit happen to me in my day, and a lot of friends die - I'm unlucky I guess, but probably the most formative emotional experience happened to me when I was dating a roommate of mine in college who was from Palestine and she went home to visit her mom and dad after having been away for 3 years. It just so happened that was the same January where Israel carried out Operation Cast Lead.
Being a white American whose only experience with war would be in history books or friends who bought into the whole "money for college" scheme and got deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan, it was incredibly shocking to me. She called me using a vonage phone number one day just to chat, and you could literally hear the bombs dropping in Gaza. She was in Rammallah, so she was quite safe, but the copper connections were being rocked by the bombing and artillery fire so every hit you'd hear "CUSHHHHHHHHH WOOOOOO" pass through the phone and everything would get really distorted.
I started counting the hits subconsciously - there were a lot.
I dated another girl pretty much the rest of the time through college, we lived together, had briefly discussed marriage plans, and then she found out that the only graduate school she could get into affordably was in Europe, and that she'd have to remain there for several years. I was emotionally devastated and that brought on a pretty serious brush with alcoholism and depression (the two really go hand in hand). But that's not the story I intend to tell here. I have a son, who is now five, and for the purposes of this story, we'll say he was 3. A good friend of mine decided to come over and help me cook a big dinner just to chill out and take my mind of the aforementioned events. We have fun, she plays Donkey Kong Country with the boy as I cook, then we switch places; a good time. Then we sit down for dinner.
My 3 year old looks at her with a face full of consternation, looks back and me, points an accusatory finger at her, and says "daddy, thats not (the name of my x)" Pretty awkward and heavy. One of those moments in life where you don't even and can't even say anything lol.
I've had a lot of wacky shit happen to me in my day, and a lot of friends die - I'm unlucky I guess, but probably the most formative emotional experience happened to me when I was dating a roommate of mine in college who was from Palestine and she went home to visit her mom and dad after having been away for 3 years. It just so happened that was the same January where Israel carried out Operation Cast Lead.
Being a white American whose only experience with war would be in history books or friends who bought into the whole "money for college" scheme and got deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan, it was incredibly shocking to me. She called me using a vonage phone number one day just to chat, and you could literally hear the bombs dropping in Gaza. She was in Rammallah, so she was quite safe, but the copper connections were being rocked by the bombing and artillery fire so every hit you'd hear "CUSHHHHHHHHH WOOOOOO" pass through the phone and everything would get really distorted.
I started counting the hits subconsciously - there were a lot.
I dated another girl pretty much the rest of the time through college, we lived together, had briefly discussed marriage plans, and then she found out that the only graduate school she could get into affordably was in Europe, and that she'd have to remain there for several years. I was emotionally devastated and that brought on a pretty serious brush with alcoholism and depression (the two really go hand in hand). But that's not the story I intend to tell here. I have a son, who is now five, and for the purposes of this story, we'll say he was 3. A good friend of mine decided to come over and help me cook a big dinner just to chill out and take my mind of the aforementioned events. We have fun, she plays Donkey Kong Country with the boy as I cook, then we switch places; a good time. Then we sit down for dinner.
My 3 year old looks at her with a face full of consternation, looks back and me, points an accusatory finger at her, and says "daddy, thats not (the name of my x)" Pretty awkward and heavy. One of those moments in life where you don't even and can't even say anything lol.
Being a white American whose only experience with war would be in history books or friends who bought into the whole "money for college" scheme and got deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan, it was incredibly shocking to me. She called me using a vonage phone number one day just to chat, and you could literally hear the bombs dropping in Gaza. She was in Rammallah, so she was quite safe, but the copper connections were being rocked by the bombing and artillery fire so every hit you'd hear "CUSHHHHHHHHH WOOOOOO" pass through the phone and everything would get really distorted.
I started counting the hits subconsciously - there were a lot.
I dated another girl pretty much the rest of the time through college, we lived together, had briefly discussed marriage plans, and then she found out that the only graduate school she could get into affordably was in Europe, and that she'd have to remain there for several years. I was emotionally devastated and that brought on a pretty serious brush with alcoholism and depression (the two really go hand in hand). But that's not the story I intend to tell here. I have a son, who is now five, and for the purposes of this story, we'll say he was 3. A good friend of mine decided to come over and help me cook a big dinner just to chill out and take my mind of the aforementioned events. We have fun, she plays Donkey Kong Country with the boy as I cook, then we switch places; a good time. Then we sit down for dinner.
My 3 year old looks at her with a face full of consternation, looks back and me, points an accusatory finger at her, and says "daddy, thats not (the name of my x)" Pretty awkward and heavy. One of those moments in life where you don't even and can't even say anything lol.
realizing how little I actually knew about my father when he died of liver cancer earlier this year and the major depression that followed.
realizing how little I actually knew about my father when he died of liver cancer earlier this year and the major depression that followed.
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