Oh no!

You are born with your sexuality, you are not born unhealthy.

Being fat is generally unpleasant because we inherently view healthy as sexy. Lazy fat is something the person can do something about unless they have a thyroid or genetic metabolic issue, in which case should still be treated because it will shorten your lifespan.

You cannot change your sexuality, no matter how much you want too. If you have to "make a choice" on what gender to date, then you're bi and just don't know it yet.

Anyone who compares being lazy fat and being gay is just ignorant. One is a choice, the other is not.

When I was a kid people still thought being gay was a choice, and I feel bad for anytime I made gay jokes, but we're talking decades ago before the internet and everyone was ignorant. There is no excuse these days.

If you think your friend wants to be more healthy, offer to go for a workout together or maybe try to take more walks/hikes. If they start to enjoy being more active they will start to change their lifestyle on their own. And try not to pig out on junk food in front of them. You can still mention it to them, but shaming isn't the way to go.

reading this thread really bothers me how can people honestly be so stupid and close minded in modern society? peoples choices and lifestyles are their own and they shouldn't be judged based upon them, nobody has the right to say whats right and whats wrong and everyone has the right to live how they want

If I was seriously overweight I would definitely want my friends to kick my ass into exercise/diet mode. I'm also not a teenage girl, though.

If your friend is making bad "choices" I sure how you do try to help them. Otherwise you're just a bad friend.

pet peeve, the word cis. fuck tumblr

Show this to her

http://youtube.com/watch?v=lsSC2vx7zFQ

there's this thing called the fundamental attribution bias - ppl judge others based on their actions but they judge themselves on their intentions/motivations

"that person is fat cuz they ate too many cheeseburgers, all they have to do is eat fewer cheeseburgers"

u aint even consider why they eat too many cheeseburgers. you dont like mcdonald's and it's easy for you to just say fuck that i dont want a big mac i want a salad therefore that is definitely an easy choice for every other person in the world to make as well

now im not really for "fat acceptance" - obesity is a health problem its inherently negative and i think people should be encouraged to try to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle. all i'm saying is that you wouldn't try to help an alcoholic by telling them they're a disgusting idiot with no willpower who just needs to make the super easy choice to not drink another beer, would you?

btw stuff like this is ridiculous:

have you read any academic literature on obesity? there are decades of research showing that obesity is -highly- hereditable

i agree its your duty to say you think they are making a mistake but its not your place to judge them for life choices also i don't see how sexuality can be considered a "bad choice"

i think you guys should listen to ukm because he used to be a big lazy fatso

I'm a straight male, I don't disrespect anyone for their LGBT status (I'd lose a lot of really good friends if I did), but I don't want to be romantically involved with anyone but ladies that were born ladies. Does this make me intolerant? Honest question.

no

uh, where did I say sexuality can be considered a bad choice? I said it was NOT a choice.

where did i say you shouldn't warn people if they are making mistakes? i said you shouldn't judge people based on their decisions and lifestyle also i never accused you of saying it either i was making a point about sexuality although i see that it would appear to be aimed at you so i apologise

i think people are assholes and if it bothers her that much she should exercise and lose the weight. if she's comfortable with who she is she shouldn't give a shit what they think.

ah ok, I thought since you quoted me it was for me :)

And in order to warn someone about something, I think you are judging them on it a bit. But I think that's ok, and why I brought it up.

Shaming someone for being overweight might make matters worse. As for being gay,bi,etc I think it is not a choice, Some people are just born with that mindset. Just giving out my 2 cents.

yea my bad i should have been more clear in my quote,

i don't know if you are judging someone though i would put it down to concern but i guess its perceptions

I'd just like to address the whole "Being fat/obese is just lazy and people make excuses about it" thing. There are quite a few obese/fat people that would love to lose weight and are more than willing to put in the time/effort, but simply can't.

I mean there are only so many hours in a day, just from what I've seen personally from older people in the office people who genuinely would like to work, out and in their "younger" days were actually fit, and athletes and what not simply can't, because they have no time to do so.

They work anywhere from 40-90 hours a week(depending on department and whether it's tax season and what not) than they go home to their wife and kids where they have responsibilities as well, whether it be coaching little league, or helping their 'special' child with his school work. Hell some people go right to a second job or to do consulting or taxes on the side.

By the end of the week you are only getting 4-5 hours of sleep a night, and have like 4-5 hours of leisurely time just for yourself in an entire week, which isn't really enough time to maintain being healthy,and before you say they should just regulate their diet more, you have to keep in mind to run on like 35 hours of sleep a week for months if not a few years, you have to take in quite a lot of calories.

EDIT: Doesn't really apply to the OP since waffleb's posts seem to indicate her friend is quite young.

toaster dropping knowledge bombs

People won't change to match the expectations of a group of people that appear to hate them.

Telling someone "I hate/dislike you in some way, but if you work hard enough and do x, y and z, I won't anymore" ("I'm not attracted to you, but I would be if you just lost weight and dressed a little better") is offering someone a reward they have no reason to want for changes they should find their own motivation to make.

This is so true once you get into your careers. A lot of people on this forum do not understand this yet. During college I was really fit, like a toned fit. I never did any weight training after high school, but during college I was playing sports during the summer like 4 hours a day. I was able to eat anything I want because I had all the time in the world to burn off those calories. I know that my metabolism helped me to be 6'2" and around 150-155, but it was mainly due to the fact of having so much extra time.

Fast forward to me turning 30 soon. I spend 7-8 months out of the year working 60-70 hours a week and struggling to get 4-5 hours a night of sleep. Then add on spending the whole day in front of a computer, I've gained so much weight. I think right now I am at 185-190 and that weight was added in the last two years of me working that schedule, so there is a correlation.

She needs a psychologist, from what I read she seems to take everything so deep and it'd be probably some kind of depression, high anxiety or high stress issue. I never was obese, but I know exactly how she feels because of knowledge and experience in the topic.
Also, if she takes a psychological treatment, make sure she never stops going to her doc (persistent and consistent), because leaving the treatment in halfway will make the things worse.

a concerning proportion of the (local) people in Telford were obese, it's not unique to the US

I strongly believe that there being an inherent bias toward fat as attractive in the public conscience is good for people. Equating health with attractiveness is important for a society that is increasingly able to eat more shit and work out less and still be able to sustain themselves.

For all the people in this thread that can list off reasons about why getting fit isn't really a choice for someone, I'm going to say that you're full of shit. There is literally a million things you can do in your daily life regardless of how busy you are to be more healthy. I saw women in the aqua aerobics class at the pool I guarded at show up every day to classes and not lose a single pound. You know why? Because if you actually watched them in the classes they showed up to talk to other people and put in about as much effort as it takes for a guard to not assume that you are unconscious in the water. I won't even get started on how many of them came in with food, or had triple chocolate mocha caramel frappa-who-the-fuck-knows on the side of the pool. A seriously obese friend of mine from high school who is now working on his doctorate in history lost dozens of pounds just by taking the time to walk around campus every day.

As for anyone with a friend who is obese, feel free to inform them that they are unhealthy (because they are) and suggest things they can do to lose weight. Not telling them the truth and allowing them to continue living an objectively unhealthy lifestyle is not something a friend would do.

There is a big difference between making excuses and having valid reasons and you act like no reasons are true? I would love to know what you do for a living and how many hours that you work? If you don't have extra time to spare, then exactly when do you exercise? Walk to work, bike? The majority of Americans travel around 25-30 minutes to get to work? So should someone spend 3 hours biking to work when they barely have enough time as it is? Every single example that you gave is that they had an option to get exercise, but they choose not to. What about those that want the option to exercise, but legitimately can't?

well i thought i might have made my point when i mentioned the incredible body of rigorous academic research that shows obesity to be highly correlated with genetics but i guess i guess u saw some fat people bein lazy at the pool one time so nevermind

foreal tho the sexuality vs obesity thing is a flawed analogy but it does make for good thought experiment

think about this

fundamentally, why do we not think a gay person is responsible for suckin dicks?

it's because their motivations for suckin dick are acknowledged to be deeply-ingrained into them by genetic and environmental factors. Every gay person has the ability to decide not to suck dick and frankly its pretty easy to not end up with a dick in your mouth if you choose for one to not be there. However we recognize that gay dudes have fundamental and powerful biological desires that they can't help and its not reasonable to expect them to suppress themselves that way

now think about fat dudes scarfin cheeseburgs. do you not think that it is possible that some people have much more deeply ingrained desires and motivations when it comes to food consumption than your skinny ass? i wasnt joking about academic research before this is something that is well known and not contested in the scientific community, there is just as much if not more evidence linking obesity to genetics as sexuality to genetics.

so why then would you hate and shame fat people and not gay people?

the factual difference of course is that bein obese has inherently negative consequences whereas bein gay only has negative consequences in an unaccepting society. again - absolutely i concur bein obese is not a good thing, help your friend if they want help and don't let them delude themselves if they are being delusional about their own fitness and nutritional regimen.

but show a little empathy. people aren't scum just because they find a particular aspect of life more difficult than you do.

also remram i was never a total fatso but i definitely used to be one of those 150lb never put on weight kids in my teenage years and i hit 205lb at my fattest when my metabolism shit the bed in my 20's

I ignore the genetics argument because to me it matters relatively little.

There are many reasons people are fat and "laziness" is just one of them. Society enforcing an unhealthy lifestyle (long workdays mean little time to cook or work out) is as culpable as genetics. The fact that poverty correlates so severely with obesity is as striking to me as the genetic correlates.

There are problems with fat shaming that have nothing to do with why people are fat, though. You don't get to be lawmaker in addition to judge, jury and executioner. Being fat isn't illegal - you've just determined that it's a negative societal trait in some way. Deciding society's rules for yourself (perhaps because you've felt some pressure in that respect yourself) and then enforcing them by shaming those you feel don't comply is pretty sick.

Also, it's hard to determine, in passing, how lazy someone is. You're all gamers - you spend hours everyday moving almost not at all (dat mouse arm workout). Seeing someone in a period of inactivity does not tell you about their lifestyle.

Basically everything you said there is untrue. First of all, its the 21st century, close minded people are everywhere, get used to it. Secondly, when someones lifestyle is doing drugs and killing people I think they can be judged and in this case, with someone who is obese, and complaining about it, they will be judged no matter where they are. Being fat is not an attractive quality. As mean as that sounds it is true. I'm not saying this anyone should be mean to her and tell her she is fat, but its just a fact that people that are obese are looked at differently because it just isn't an appealing look. People look at you differently when you are obese. Third, everyone has the right to say what is right and what is wrong, that's why there are laws, so there is a strict line of what is right and wrong. I do agree with you on the fact that people can live however they want, but I don't like people that live unhealthily weather that is drugs, obesity, etc. and complain constantly about how their life sucks but then day after day they do nothing about it.

Have her read this:
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/running

I'm fat and asthmatic. I try to eat healthy, but usually those fatty, greasy foods win. I know I should cut back on it, and I keep telling myself I should. But I don't. I go for jogs and walks because my chronic asthma kicks my ass and I want it to not. I also go on jogs and walks so I can "earn" the unhealthy food I eat. It's a horrible mentality and I want it to stop, but I don't think it will easily.

I used to be a huge slob and not do anything. But cutting back on sodas and starting to jog and walk more often, I've dropped some weight. It was hard at first, but now that I've gotten used to it, it's second nature. Offer her some simple advice and just be there for her. Some people don't want to change, and that's fine. I used to be like that. But just do it politely, and offer your support.