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when any member of the Stark family dies on Game of Thrones
Emotional Experiences
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PYYYOURDad visited me in Ithaca during a College for High Schools student program. We drove to the Syracuse mall to go to the Apple store. While walking through the Mall we heard screams right across from us. My dad looked from a distance, and then he said, "do not even think of moving." I was scared. His tone was different. My dad ran across, bulldozed some people, and approached the scene. A foot locker worker had fallen while reaching for dem new Iverson's and fell on his head cracking it open. He suffered from epilepsy. With the mans skull partially exposed and blood gushing out, my father told everyone to calm down and step away. He held the skull intact and stopped the blood from leaving his head. At this point I was freaking the fuck out. Sad, happy, scared, all over the place. My dad held the mans head together for 15 minutes while paramedics got there. He wiped off his hands and walked away, onlookers just fucking astonished at this random dude who seemingly did the impossible. I am in absolute tears because I assume the guy died. Turns out my father had been through much much worse and holding a strangers skull together to prevent blood loss was easy for him.
Went back to the mall like a year later, and happen to ask about the worker. Turns out he went back to work 2 days after the incident. Gotta get paid.
Pyyour did you live in Ithaca? That's where I'm at
[quote=PYYYOUR]Dad visited me in Ithaca during a College for High Schools student program. We drove to the Syracuse mall to go to the Apple store. While walking through the Mall we heard screams right across from us. My dad looked from a distance, and then he said, "do not even think of moving." I was scared. His tone was different. My dad ran across, bulldozed some people, and approached the scene. A foot locker worker had fallen while reaching for dem new Iverson's and fell on his head cracking it open. He suffered from epilepsy. With the mans skull partially exposed and blood gushing out, my father told everyone to calm down and step away. He held the skull intact and stopped the blood from leaving his head. At this point I was freaking the fuck out. Sad, happy, scared, all over the place. My dad held the mans head together for 15 minutes while paramedics got there. He wiped off his hands and walked away, onlookers just fucking astonished at this random dude who seemingly did the impossible. I am in absolute tears because I assume the guy died. Turns out my father had been through much much worse and holding a strangers skull together to prevent blood loss was easy for him.
Went back to the mall like a year later, and happen to ask about the worker. Turns out he went back to work 2 days after the incident. Gotta get paid.[/quote]
Pyyour did you live in Ithaca? That's where I'm at
Went back to the mall like a year later, and happen to ask about the worker. Turns out he went back to work 2 days after the incident. Gotta get paid.[/quote]
Pyyour did you live in Ithaca? That's where I'm at
One of them that sticks out is when one of my online friends died a year after meeting her in person. We had a close circle of friends who met on a band forum and we traded social media and got to know each other well. I spent a day with her when I went to visit Hong Kong and I gave her some gifts. A year later I had just arrived in LA with some friends to attend E3 so we were all excited and once we had gotten settled in the hotel I get a message on facebook from our circle saying she had drowned. From what I know it was an accident, but that whole weekend was a blur so I didn't have time to grieve but it wasn't until after I returned home that it hit me that she was gone.
The band we all shared interest in heard the news and made a video for her.
Just figured I'd let this one out too, in light of a previous post... At some point in my teenager years I remembered that I was molested by a swim instructor when I was a child. I don't know if I suppressed it or I just didn't realize what was going on at the time. I haven't told my parents, I don't know what their reactions would be but I don't want to have them worry about me more than they do now [they're already worried about my diet problems and depression]. It just pains me so much that the person probably continued working with kids and I don't know if they did anything worse and I have no records of who they were. To this day I have a fear of water.
I guess a sort of happier experience was at the end of this past semester during our graduation dinner where I cried in front of 300 friends, family, and instructors giving my graduation speech. I was at the end of my rope and was about to switch degrees or just drop out. Fighting anxiety and depression on top of trying to finish my degree, and I realized I was surrounded by people who supported me. When I left the stage, one of the instructors quietly told me 'We never had a doubt.'
One of them that sticks out is when one of my online friends died a year after meeting her in person. We had a close circle of friends who met on a band forum and we traded social media and got to know each other well. I spent a day with her when I went to visit Hong Kong and I gave her some gifts. A year later I had just arrived in LA with some friends to attend E3 so we were all excited and once we had gotten settled in the hotel I get a message on facebook from our circle saying she had drowned. From what I know it was an accident, but that whole weekend was a blur so I didn't have time to grieve but it wasn't until after I returned home that it hit me that she was gone.
[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0_2kWUupac]The band we all shared interest in heard the news and made a video for her.[/url]
Just figured I'd let this one out too, in light of a previous post... At some point in my teenager years I remembered that I was molested by a swim instructor when I was a child. I don't know if I suppressed it or I just didn't realize what was going on at the time. I haven't told my parents, I don't know what their reactions would be but I don't want to have them worry about me more than they do now [they're already worried about my diet problems and depression]. It just pains me so much that the person probably continued working with kids and I don't know if they did anything worse and I have no records of who they were. To this day I have a fear of water.
I guess a sort of happier experience was at the end of this past semester during our graduation dinner where I cried in front of 300 friends, family, and instructors giving my graduation speech. I was at the end of my rope and was about to switch degrees or just drop out. Fighting anxiety and depression on top of trying to finish my degree, and I realized I was surrounded by people who supported me. When I left the stage, one of the instructors quietly told me 'We never had a doubt.'
[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0_2kWUupac]The band we all shared interest in heard the news and made a video for her.[/url]
Just figured I'd let this one out too, in light of a previous post... At some point in my teenager years I remembered that I was molested by a swim instructor when I was a child. I don't know if I suppressed it or I just didn't realize what was going on at the time. I haven't told my parents, I don't know what their reactions would be but I don't want to have them worry about me more than they do now [they're already worried about my diet problems and depression]. It just pains me so much that the person probably continued working with kids and I don't know if they did anything worse and I have no records of who they were. To this day I have a fear of water.
I guess a sort of happier experience was at the end of this past semester during our graduation dinner where I cried in front of 300 friends, family, and instructors giving my graduation speech. I was at the end of my rope and was about to switch degrees or just drop out. Fighting anxiety and depression on top of trying to finish my degree, and I realized I was surrounded by people who supported me. When I left the stage, one of the instructors quietly told me 'We never had a doubt.'
I've been edging for 13 years straight and my emotions are out of control
I've been edging for 13 years straight and my emotions are out of control
Being banned from tf2.tv resulting in :
Incontrollable rage followed by a blackout .
Being banned from tf2.tv resulting in :
Incontrollable rage followed by a blackout .
Incontrollable rage followed by a blackout .
Besides losing my father at 11, the last conversation I ever had with my grandma who had Alzheimer's (his mother) was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced. We talked for about 3 hours and in this time she didn't really talk at all because it took her more strength than she had so I just talked about myself and how school was going and other things a young boy would want to brag about to their grandma. Before I left her house I told her I loved her and that I'd see her tomorrow because I knew she didn't have much longer left and I wanted to see her as much as I could visiting her after school. All she said back was that I was a very nice boy and that it was nice to meet me. The next day at school, I was called home early by my father because she had passed away peacefully in her sleep.
Besides losing my father at 11, the last conversation I ever had with my grandma who had Alzheimer's (his mother) was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced. We talked for about 3 hours and in this time she didn't really talk at all because it took her more strength than she had so I just talked about myself and how school was going and other things a young boy would want to brag about to their grandma. Before I left her house I told her I loved her and that I'd see her tomorrow because I knew she didn't have much longer left and I wanted to see her as much as I could visiting her after school. All she said back was that I was a very nice boy and that it was nice to meet me. The next day at school, I was called home early by my father because she had passed away peacefully in her sleep.
I'm 5. Mom cheated on dad. Dad has anger issues. Dad holds mom off balcony at 3am. Wakes me up and asks if he should drop her.
Few months later, they become separated. I don't even know whats going on, walk in on my mom and her future husband making out.
I'm 10. Parents divorced by now, dad's a workaholic and has no idea how to cope with everything. Marries an extremly younger stepmom. Tell's me she's a elementary school teacher(lol). My mom got custody of my sister and I went with dad. Since dad's a workaholic, I grow up alone off ramen and occasional fast food.
I'm 12. Dad strangles me after I try to lie to him about being sick for school. Step mom turns into a complete lunatic irationally yelling and screeching about everything, even to this day. Stepmom adds emotional and psychological abuse ontop of dad's physical. Dad completely surrenders to her side upon everything over the years. I recede my life into PC games.
Stepmom and dad frequently tells me they don't love me and wish they kept my sister instead.
I'm 16. Dad gets thyroid cancer. Goes to China for treatment. It's senior year and I realized I never got my volunteer hours for graduation. Signed up for school's work program and lied about working for my dad, skipped half my classes to take a bus/rail an hour away and back for the 2nd semester. I proudly graduate with just a few days to spare, neither parents were there except my aunt and a few cousins. Dad comes back with a few gashes in his neck but completely fine.
2014, mom gets thyroid cancer as well. She doesn't tell anyone. I coincidentally tell her I didn't want to continue university anymore during a meetup at a dentist appointment and felt her heart sank.
Early 2015, sister tells me mom had cancer and is ok.
I'm 5. Mom cheated on dad. Dad has anger issues. Dad holds mom off balcony at 3am. Wakes me up and asks if he should drop her.
Few months later, they become separated. I don't even know whats going on, walk in on my mom and her future husband making out.
I'm 10. Parents divorced by now, dad's a workaholic and has no idea how to cope with everything. Marries an extremly younger stepmom. Tell's me she's a elementary school teacher(lol). My mom got custody of my sister and I went with dad. Since dad's a workaholic, I grow up alone off ramen and occasional fast food.
I'm 12. Dad strangles me after I try to lie to him about being sick for school. Step mom turns into a complete lunatic irationally yelling and screeching about everything, even to this day. Stepmom adds emotional and psychological abuse ontop of dad's physical. Dad completely surrenders to her side upon everything over the years. I recede my life into PC games.
Stepmom and dad frequently tells me they don't love me and wish they kept my sister instead.
I'm 16. Dad gets thyroid cancer. Goes to China for treatment. It's senior year and I realized I never got my volunteer hours for graduation. Signed up for school's work program and lied about working for my dad, skipped half my classes to take a bus/rail an hour away and back for the 2nd semester. I proudly graduate with just a few days to spare, neither parents were there except my aunt and a few cousins. Dad comes back with a few gashes in his neck but completely fine.
2014, mom gets thyroid cancer as well. She doesn't tell anyone. I coincidentally tell her I didn't want to continue university anymore during a meetup at a dentist appointment and felt her heart sank.
Early 2015, sister tells me mom had cancer and is ok.
Few months later, they become separated. I don't even know whats going on, walk in on my mom and her future husband making out.
I'm 10. Parents divorced by now, dad's a workaholic and has no idea how to cope with everything. Marries an extremly younger stepmom. Tell's me she's a elementary school teacher(lol). My mom got custody of my sister and I went with dad. Since dad's a workaholic, I grow up alone off ramen and occasional fast food.
I'm 12. Dad strangles me after I try to lie to him about being sick for school. Step mom turns into a complete lunatic irationally yelling and screeching about everything, even to this day. Stepmom adds emotional and psychological abuse ontop of dad's physical. Dad completely surrenders to her side upon everything over the years. I recede my life into PC games.
Stepmom and dad frequently tells me they don't love me and wish they kept my sister instead.
I'm 16. Dad gets thyroid cancer. Goes to China for treatment. It's senior year and I realized I never got my volunteer hours for graduation. Signed up for school's work program and lied about working for my dad, skipped half my classes to take a bus/rail an hour away and back for the 2nd semester. I proudly graduate with just a few days to spare, neither parents were there except my aunt and a few cousins. Dad comes back with a few gashes in his neck but completely fine.
2014, mom gets thyroid cancer as well. She doesn't tell anyone. I coincidentally tell her I didn't want to continue university anymore during a meetup at a dentist appointment and felt her heart sank.
Early 2015, sister tells me mom had cancer and is ok.
Fuck man, I'm glad I'm so lucky. Never had to deal with shit like this in my life.
Fuck man, I'm glad I'm so lucky. Never had to deal with shit like this in my life.
Well reading this thread made me very emotional. It has been many sad stories but it's beautiful in a way to see people share things and having burdens eased in doing so. It also made me think of a lot things that have happend in my life, family members I've lost, things that never go away.
Well reading this thread made me very emotional. It has been many sad stories but it's beautiful in a way to see people share things and having burdens eased in doing so. It also made me think of a lot things that have happend in my life, family members I've lost, things that never go away.
I remember when I was younger my great grandmother passed away from a long fight with diabetes, about a year after they had to remove her foot and 3 toes from the other. When we got her ashes back we couldnt really afford anything special so we visited my great grandfathers grave and made it look like we were just visiting, but we all took a cup of her ashes and poured it into a little hole that we dug and buried her with him.
I remember when I was younger my great grandmother passed away from a long fight with diabetes, about a year after they had to remove her foot and 3 toes from the other. When we got her ashes back we couldnt really afford anything special so we visited my great grandfathers grave and made it look like we were just visiting, but we all took a cup of her ashes and poured it into a little hole that we dug and buried her with him.
SteveCI'm 5. Mom cheated on dad. Dad has anger issues. Dad holds mom off balcony at 3am. Wakes me up and asks if he should drop her.
Few months later, they become separated. I don't even know whats going on, walk in on my mom and her future husband making out.
I'm 10. Parents divorced by now, dad's a workaholic and has no idea how to cope with everything. Marries an extremly younger stepmom. Tell's me she's a elementary school teacher(lol). My mom got custody of my sister and I went with dad. Since dad's a workaholic, I grow up alone off ramen and occasional fast food.
I'm 12. Dad strangles me after I try to lie to him about being sick for school. Step mom turns into a complete lunatic irationally yelling and screeching about everything, even to this day. Stepmom adds emotional and psychological abuse ontop of dad's physical. Dad completely surrenders to her side upon everything over the years. I recede my life into PC games.
Stepmom and dad frequently tells me they don't love me and wish they kept my sister instead.
I'm 16. Dad gets thyroid cancer. Goes to China for treatment. It's senior year and I realized I never got my volunteer hours for graduation. Signed up for school's work program and lied about working for my dad, skipped half my classes to take a bus/rail an hour away and back for the 2nd semester. I proudly graduate with just a few days to spare, neither parents were there except my aunt and a few cousins. Dad comes back with a few gashes in his neck but completely fine.
2014, mom gets thyroid cancer as well. She doesn't tell anyone. I coincidentally tell her I didn't want to continue university anymore during a meetup at a dentist appointment and felt her heart sank.
Early 2015, sister tells me mom had cancer and is ok.
fuck. i thought i had it bad. Dude I feel you. I fucking hate parents like that. Regardless of what happened to them earlier in life that caused that, it's disgusting to put so much abuse into a child's life.
[quote=SteveC]I'm 5. Mom cheated on dad. Dad has anger issues. Dad holds mom off balcony at 3am. Wakes me up and asks if he should drop her.
Few months later, they become separated. I don't even know whats going on, walk in on my mom and her future husband making out.
I'm 10. Parents divorced by now, dad's a workaholic and has no idea how to cope with everything. Marries an extremly younger stepmom. Tell's me she's a elementary school teacher(lol). My mom got custody of my sister and I went with dad. Since dad's a workaholic, I grow up alone off ramen and occasional fast food.
I'm 12. Dad strangles me after I try to lie to him about being sick for school. Step mom turns into a complete lunatic irationally yelling and screeching about everything, even to this day. Stepmom adds emotional and psychological abuse ontop of dad's physical. Dad completely surrenders to her side upon everything over the years. I recede my life into PC games.
Stepmom and dad frequently tells me they don't love me and wish they kept my sister instead.
I'm 16. Dad gets thyroid cancer. Goes to China for treatment. It's senior year and I realized I never got my volunteer hours for graduation. Signed up for school's work program and lied about working for my dad, skipped half my classes to take a bus/rail an hour away and back for the 2nd semester. I proudly graduate with just a few days to spare, neither parents were there except my aunt and a few cousins. Dad comes back with a few gashes in his neck but completely fine.
2014, mom gets thyroid cancer as well. She doesn't tell anyone. I coincidentally tell her I didn't want to continue university anymore during a meetup at a dentist appointment and felt her heart sank.
Early 2015, sister tells me mom had cancer and is ok.[/quote]
fuck. i thought i had it bad. Dude I feel you. I fucking hate parents like that. Regardless of what happened to them earlier in life that caused that, it's disgusting to put so much abuse into a child's life.
Few months later, they become separated. I don't even know whats going on, walk in on my mom and her future husband making out.
I'm 10. Parents divorced by now, dad's a workaholic and has no idea how to cope with everything. Marries an extremly younger stepmom. Tell's me she's a elementary school teacher(lol). My mom got custody of my sister and I went with dad. Since dad's a workaholic, I grow up alone off ramen and occasional fast food.
I'm 12. Dad strangles me after I try to lie to him about being sick for school. Step mom turns into a complete lunatic irationally yelling and screeching about everything, even to this day. Stepmom adds emotional and psychological abuse ontop of dad's physical. Dad completely surrenders to her side upon everything over the years. I recede my life into PC games.
Stepmom and dad frequently tells me they don't love me and wish they kept my sister instead.
I'm 16. Dad gets thyroid cancer. Goes to China for treatment. It's senior year and I realized I never got my volunteer hours for graduation. Signed up for school's work program and lied about working for my dad, skipped half my classes to take a bus/rail an hour away and back for the 2nd semester. I proudly graduate with just a few days to spare, neither parents were there except my aunt and a few cousins. Dad comes back with a few gashes in his neck but completely fine.
2014, mom gets thyroid cancer as well. She doesn't tell anyone. I coincidentally tell her I didn't want to continue university anymore during a meetup at a dentist appointment and felt her heart sank.
Early 2015, sister tells me mom had cancer and is ok.[/quote]
fuck. i thought i had it bad. Dude I feel you. I fucking hate parents like that. Regardless of what happened to them earlier in life that caused that, it's disgusting to put so much abuse into a child's life.
in middle school i was bullied a lot by most of the boys in my class.
i was a very garrulous boy before middle school, and that was how i made friends before, so i kept this talkative personality for middle school. unfortunately the boys in my class seemed to not like it and bullied me for it, always calling me annoying and to screw off. I remember i was sick for like two days and when i came back, the boy who sat next to me told me that it was literally heaven without "an annoying kid sitting next to me". i knew i was being bullied but i took no action to prevent it and i guess it was my fault. by the end of 6th grade, i had one friend.
in my 7th grade, i was still being bullied. i remember 7th grade was the year i asked a girl out, but i was rejected. i respected her decision, but somehow every boy in my class knew. they always ask me if i asked her out, and would answer "obviously you're so annoying she would never go out with an annoying kid." that really fucked me up to this day. Even my teachers bullied me. I remember i did extremely poorly on a math test (i got a 30 on it), and my teacher made an announcement just to tell the class i did bad. he said "you guys did great on the exam, except kenneth (me). he received a 30 on the exam". thats was really fuck up and the kids all looked at me with shame. well i would be ashamed if i got a 30 an exam, but i dont think it was very mature of a fucking teacher to make an announcement just to humiliate a 12 year old. at the end of 7th grade i was fully aware i was being bullied but didn't do anything.
in 8th grade, the same shit happened, getting bullied. i really started to give up on life by then. the bullying was constant i couldn't stop it by then. i always told myself one more year. i always blame myself for not seeking help. i was bullied for who i was as a person. they bullied me for my personality and i was about done with life. the last day of school, my class was going to go to the park to play and chill but didn't invite me.
in high school i met some great people who actually liked me for who i was. however after middle school, i was so paranoid of being bullied like that again, i didn't show my true personality. i was being fake to most people because i didn't want to be emotionally hurt again. i only showed my personality to people whom i believed to be a great friend. so far its been great, but i am still tormented by those people who bullied me.
i live in nyc and still go to high schoool, so for those who live in nyc, you must know that a majority of high school kids use MTA trains to get to school. to this day, i am paranoid of the people who bullied me. i am afraid that i will see those people again; to an extent where if i see them, i will simply wait for another train; even if it takes 30 minutes for it to come. if i see them it will remind me of those days.
for all those bullies out there, this is what a result of bullying can do. please stop
in middle school i was bullied a lot by most of the boys in my class.
i was a very garrulous boy before middle school, and that was how i made friends before, so i kept this talkative personality for middle school. unfortunately the boys in my class seemed to not like it and bullied me for it, always calling me annoying and to screw off. I remember i was sick for like two days and when i came back, the boy who sat next to me told me that it was [b]literally heaven[/b] without "an annoying kid sitting next to me". i knew i was being bullied but i took no action to prevent it and i guess it was my fault. by the end of 6th grade, i had one friend.
in my 7th grade, i was still being bullied. i remember 7th grade was the year i asked a girl out, but i was rejected. i respected her decision, but somehow every boy in my class knew. they always ask me if i asked her out, and would answer "obviously you're so annoying she would never go out with an annoying kid." that really fucked me up to this day. Even my teachers bullied me. I remember i did extremely poorly on a math test (i got a 30 on it), and my teacher made an announcement just to tell the class i did bad. he said "you guys did great on the exam, [b]except kenneth[/b] (me). he received a 30 on the exam". thats was really fuck up and the kids all looked at me with shame. well i would be ashamed if i got a 30 an exam, but i dont think it was very mature of a fucking teacher to make an announcement just to humiliate a 12 year old. at the end of 7th grade i was fully aware i was being bullied but didn't do anything.
in 8th grade, the same shit happened, getting bullied. i really started to give up on life by then. the bullying was constant i couldn't stop it by then. i always told myself one more year. i always blame myself for not seeking help. i was bullied for who i was as a person. they bullied me for my personality and i was about done with life. the last day of school, my class was going to go to the park to play and chill but didn't invite me.
in high school i met some great people who actually liked me for who i was. however after middle school, i was so paranoid of being bullied like that again, i didn't show my true personality. i was being fake to most people because i didn't want to be emotionally hurt again. i only showed my personality to people whom i believed to be a great friend. so far its been great, but i am still tormented by those people who bullied me.
i live in nyc and still go to high schoool, so for those who live in nyc, you must know that a majority of high school kids use MTA trains to get to school. to this day, i am paranoid of the people who bullied me. i am afraid that i will see those people again; to an extent where if i see them, i will simply wait for another train; even if it takes 30 minutes for it to come. if i see them it will remind me of those days.
for all those bullies out there, this is what a result of bullying can do. please stop
i was a very garrulous boy before middle school, and that was how i made friends before, so i kept this talkative personality for middle school. unfortunately the boys in my class seemed to not like it and bullied me for it, always calling me annoying and to screw off. I remember i was sick for like two days and when i came back, the boy who sat next to me told me that it was [b]literally heaven[/b] without "an annoying kid sitting next to me". i knew i was being bullied but i took no action to prevent it and i guess it was my fault. by the end of 6th grade, i had one friend.
in my 7th grade, i was still being bullied. i remember 7th grade was the year i asked a girl out, but i was rejected. i respected her decision, but somehow every boy in my class knew. they always ask me if i asked her out, and would answer "obviously you're so annoying she would never go out with an annoying kid." that really fucked me up to this day. Even my teachers bullied me. I remember i did extremely poorly on a math test (i got a 30 on it), and my teacher made an announcement just to tell the class i did bad. he said "you guys did great on the exam, [b]except kenneth[/b] (me). he received a 30 on the exam". thats was really fuck up and the kids all looked at me with shame. well i would be ashamed if i got a 30 an exam, but i dont think it was very mature of a fucking teacher to make an announcement just to humiliate a 12 year old. at the end of 7th grade i was fully aware i was being bullied but didn't do anything.
in 8th grade, the same shit happened, getting bullied. i really started to give up on life by then. the bullying was constant i couldn't stop it by then. i always told myself one more year. i always blame myself for not seeking help. i was bullied for who i was as a person. they bullied me for my personality and i was about done with life. the last day of school, my class was going to go to the park to play and chill but didn't invite me.
in high school i met some great people who actually liked me for who i was. however after middle school, i was so paranoid of being bullied like that again, i didn't show my true personality. i was being fake to most people because i didn't want to be emotionally hurt again. i only showed my personality to people whom i believed to be a great friend. so far its been great, but i am still tormented by those people who bullied me.
i live in nyc and still go to high schoool, so for those who live in nyc, you must know that a majority of high school kids use MTA trains to get to school. to this day, i am paranoid of the people who bullied me. i am afraid that i will see those people again; to an extent where if i see them, i will simply wait for another train; even if it takes 30 minutes for it to come. if i see them it will remind me of those days.
for all those bullies out there, this is what a result of bullying can do. please stop
justus_1DeaGCHaMPI actually remember when this thread was first posted. I was thinking to myself at the time: "do I post or just leave it be?"
The past couple of years. I pretty much dropped out of high school and literally didn't go outside, hikikomori-style, for two and a half years due to varied insecurities and issues not worth mentioning. Which I ended a couple days before my 18th birthday by literally running away from my problems and my scarily unstable family. Like legit running away, not going to a friend's house and sleeping on their couch. I took a bus from Florida to Seattle and lived with a number of crazy people, faced the threat of homelessness and abject poverty on a daily basis, felt incredible feelings of anxiety, depression, and loneliness that I will probably never top, and basically learned, without help, how to be an adult the hard way.
The fortunate thing is that this horrible vortex of bad things pretty much ended a couple of months ago and that I genuinely feel like a decent person now. It's amazing to look back and see how sour and disgusting my outlook on life and demeanor towards others used to be.
I feel you bro, but I never had to deal with abject poverty and facing the thought and prospect of starving, since korean american's statistically are like professionals and stuff a.k.a doctor's and lawyers, But I recently deal with my sister just suffering from an extreme amount of stress from exams at college, and she basically couldn't sleep for the past three weeks and my parents had to take her back home and I heard my sister just consistently crying on a daily basis. She recovered and managed to not lose her full scholarship including dorm to college, but 5 months into her school year, she mentally broke down again from her studies and had to be taken to the mental hospital, and my dad is in debt to paying back the hospital bills. She came back home again, but was seriously depressed and lost confidence in herself, because she lost all of her full scholarship to college, and felt like she was just gonna be a loser for the rest of her life. Her not sleeping at all and just crying in self-hate for a week led her to be completely vegetable like, despite taking sleeping pills to help her go to sleep, and one day at 6 am I heard screaming and yelling and it was my sister wanting to commit suicide by freezing herself to death with my mom holding her, and I came to help my mom preventing my sister killing myself, after a little bit the police got involved, and one of the officers kicked the door and rammed me against the wall with his hand on my neck. My sister was handcuffed by three police dudes, and sent to the hospital, and she had to stay there for a month.
[quote=justus_1DeaGCHaMP]I actually remember when this thread was first posted. I was thinking to myself at the time: "do I post or just leave it be?"
The past couple of years. I pretty much dropped out of high school and literally didn't go outside, hikikomori-style, for two and a half years due to varied insecurities and issues not worth mentioning. Which I ended a couple days before my 18th birthday by literally running away from my problems and my scarily unstable family. Like legit running away, not going to a friend's house and sleeping on their couch. I took a bus from Florida to Seattle and lived with a number of crazy people, faced the threat of homelessness and abject poverty on a daily basis, felt incredible feelings of anxiety, depression, and loneliness that I will probably never top, and basically learned, without help, how to be an adult the hard way.
The fortunate thing is that this horrible vortex of bad things pretty much ended a couple of months ago and that I genuinely feel like a decent person now. It's amazing to look back and see how sour and disgusting my outlook on life and demeanor towards others used to be.[/quote]
I feel you bro, but I never had to deal with abject poverty and facing the thought and prospect of starving, since korean american's statistically are like professionals and stuff a.k.a doctor's and lawyers, But I recently deal with my sister just suffering from an extreme amount of stress from exams at college, and she basically couldn't sleep for the past three weeks and my parents had to take her back home and I heard my sister just consistently crying on a daily basis. She recovered and managed to not lose her full scholarship including dorm to college, but 5 months into her school year, she mentally broke down again from her studies and had to be taken to the mental hospital, and my dad is in debt to paying back the hospital bills. She came back home again, but was seriously depressed and lost confidence in herself, because she lost all of her full scholarship to college, and felt like she was just gonna be a loser for the rest of her life. Her not sleeping at all and just crying in self-hate for a week led her to be completely vegetable like, despite taking sleeping pills to help her go to sleep, and one day at 6 am I heard screaming and yelling and it was my sister wanting to commit suicide by freezing herself to death with my mom holding her, and I came to help my mom preventing my sister killing myself, after a little bit the police got involved, and one of the officers kicked the door and rammed me against the wall with his hand on my neck. My sister was handcuffed by three police dudes, and sent to the hospital, and she had to stay there for a month.
The past couple of years. I pretty much dropped out of high school and literally didn't go outside, hikikomori-style, for two and a half years due to varied insecurities and issues not worth mentioning. Which I ended a couple days before my 18th birthday by literally running away from my problems and my scarily unstable family. Like legit running away, not going to a friend's house and sleeping on their couch. I took a bus from Florida to Seattle and lived with a number of crazy people, faced the threat of homelessness and abject poverty on a daily basis, felt incredible feelings of anxiety, depression, and loneliness that I will probably never top, and basically learned, without help, how to be an adult the hard way.
The fortunate thing is that this horrible vortex of bad things pretty much ended a couple of months ago and that I genuinely feel like a decent person now. It's amazing to look back and see how sour and disgusting my outlook on life and demeanor towards others used to be.[/quote]
I feel you bro, but I never had to deal with abject poverty and facing the thought and prospect of starving, since korean american's statistically are like professionals and stuff a.k.a doctor's and lawyers, But I recently deal with my sister just suffering from an extreme amount of stress from exams at college, and she basically couldn't sleep for the past three weeks and my parents had to take her back home and I heard my sister just consistently crying on a daily basis. She recovered and managed to not lose her full scholarship including dorm to college, but 5 months into her school year, she mentally broke down again from her studies and had to be taken to the mental hospital, and my dad is in debt to paying back the hospital bills. She came back home again, but was seriously depressed and lost confidence in herself, because she lost all of her full scholarship to college, and felt like she was just gonna be a loser for the rest of her life. Her not sleeping at all and just crying in self-hate for a week led her to be completely vegetable like, despite taking sleeping pills to help her go to sleep, and one day at 6 am I heard screaming and yelling and it was my sister wanting to commit suicide by freezing herself to death with my mom holding her, and I came to help my mom preventing my sister killing myself, after a little bit the police got involved, and one of the officers kicked the door and rammed me against the wall with his hand on my neck. My sister was handcuffed by three police dudes, and sent to the hospital, and she had to stay there for a month.
probably a lot of people will judge me for this but whatever
I go through spells where I hear voices when everything is quiet. While I'm in bed, I can hear hundreds of voices, sometimes of people I can recognise- all of them say my name, with a negative tone. Anger, sadness, disgust. I try to tell myself that it's not real, but somehow it still has a real effect. It makes me feel like I've done something wrong, I start to feel really guilty and my stomach starts to twist up as I feel this strong sense of dread. It gets worse and worse until I do something to distract it. It's impossible to sleep while voices shout at you, so sometimes I just don't sleep at all, until I'm so exhausted that I can't stay awake for long enough that the silence starts. When someone calls me by my real name, it just reminds me of those moments.
I guess I'm aware that this isn't a real problem, it's not that nothing bad has happened to me in life, I don't want to sound like an emo 13 year old saying 'you just don't understand' but genuinely it feels worse to me than anything that ever happened to me.
I used to get regular breaks for a year and a half, when I was in a long term relationship I knew I could always sleep soundly at the weekends. He would always come to mine, or I'd go to his. It gave me some respite, because as long as he wasn't angry/sad/disgusted with me, I felt it would be ok, because he was the most important. I had to break up with him, because he borderline raped me. Not physically, he just wouldn't let me sleep until I let him do whatever. The point is it was a huge breach of trust, and I already had trust issues.
probably a lot of people will judge me for this but whatever
I go through spells where I hear voices when everything is quiet. While I'm in bed, I can hear hundreds of voices, sometimes of people I can recognise- all of them say my name, with a negative tone. Anger, sadness, disgust. I try to tell myself that it's not real, but somehow it still has a real effect. It makes me feel like I've done something wrong, I start to feel really guilty and my stomach starts to twist up as I feel this strong sense of dread. It gets worse and worse until I do something to distract it. It's impossible to sleep while voices shout at you, so sometimes I just don't sleep at all, until I'm so exhausted that I can't stay awake for long enough that the silence starts. When someone calls me by my real name, it just reminds me of those moments.
I guess I'm aware that this isn't a real problem, it's not that nothing bad has happened to me in life, I don't want to sound like an emo 13 year old saying 'you just don't understand' but genuinely it feels worse to me than anything that ever happened to me.
I used to get regular breaks for a year and a half, when I was in a long term relationship I knew I could always sleep soundly at the weekends. He would always come to mine, or I'd go to his. It gave me some respite, because as long as he wasn't angry/sad/disgusted with me, I felt it would be ok, because he was the most important. I had to break up with him, because he borderline raped me. Not physically, he just wouldn't let me sleep until I let him do whatever. The point is it was a huge breach of trust, and I already had trust issues.
I go through spells where I hear voices when everything is quiet. While I'm in bed, I can hear hundreds of voices, sometimes of people I can recognise- all of them say my name, with a negative tone. Anger, sadness, disgust. I try to tell myself that it's not real, but somehow it still has a real effect. It makes me feel like I've done something wrong, I start to feel really guilty and my stomach starts to twist up as I feel this strong sense of dread. It gets worse and worse until I do something to distract it. It's impossible to sleep while voices shout at you, so sometimes I just don't sleep at all, until I'm so exhausted that I can't stay awake for long enough that the silence starts. When someone calls me by my real name, it just reminds me of those moments.
I guess I'm aware that this isn't a real problem, it's not that nothing bad has happened to me in life, I don't want to sound like an emo 13 year old saying 'you just don't understand' but genuinely it feels worse to me than anything that ever happened to me.
I used to get regular breaks for a year and a half, when I was in a long term relationship I knew I could always sleep soundly at the weekends. He would always come to mine, or I'd go to his. It gave me some respite, because as long as he wasn't angry/sad/disgusted with me, I felt it would be ok, because he was the most important. I had to break up with him, because he borderline raped me. Not physically, he just wouldn't let me sleep until I let him do whatever. The point is it was a huge breach of trust, and I already had trust issues.
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