help mr bacon is like a block away from me right now what do i do

What program at what school are you applying for? Or, is this the main common app essay? What is the prompt?

I know from experience that talking up some very particular points and spinning yourself a certain way can get you into programs you never should have gotten into.

People are doing plenty to help you with your essays grammar fundamentals so I don't think I need to join that battle. Since you have a long time left to apply still, I would consider revising all of your subject matter to be honest.

go meetup, bacon is chill af dog

ben_: I was with a writing teacher
ben_: like right after i posted my essay on tftv
ben_: and I made it public so the guy that was helping me could edit it
ben_: and i forgot all these tftv mongos had it too
OTO: LOL
OTO: OMFG
ben_: so like half way through someone started typing like die NIGGERS or some shit
OTO: i should have suggested u change the 2nd paragraph to
OTO: NIGGERNIGGERNIGGERSNIGGERS
OTO: lol
ben_: yeah
OTO: thats actually fucking funny
OTO: what did she do
ben_: He was like uhhh wtf is goin gon
ben_: i was like i gave it to some of my friends they must be messing with me
ben_: and we made a new document
ben_: but i kept checking the old google docs and saw what people posted and would start randomly laughing during conversations

I would have died holy shit.

Its 53 pages long now... @_@

thats actually amazing

i mean thats the point of english 1101 and 1102

Intelligence is generally estimated to be between 60 and 80% heritable. That being said, it still isn't appropriate to put on an essay such as this.

Find a friendly English teacher to help you before consulting TFTV

And where exactly does that percentage come from? What would a scientific study look like whose result is "probably 60-80% intelligence are heritable"? Who generally estimates this and why? This is not a consensus. It's a debated topic in several fields and being studied with many opposing theories and speculations around. Which is why I say you can't indisputably make such a claim. I'm not saying either way is right or wrong, only that the OP can't really know either and thus shouldn't pretend to.

So if you're gonna use "I have intelligence in my DNA" as an argument at all (which you probably shouldn't, lol), you better be a top neurologist or psychologist who can back this up in a somewhat substantial way at least. In which case you probably already have better ways to show that you're smart though.

Just generally speaking, you should be able to verify what you write about yourself in an essay. This is not something the OP could verify, which makes it bad, among other reasons.

Which is part of why I said it wasn't appropriate to put on his essay.

Doesn't asking for help like this defeat the purpose of a college admission essay?

in your first essay you spend ~200 words talking about the bubble you push back against and ~50 words talking about your sub-community of bubble people pushing back against the bubble. Those numbers should be reversed. You need to think about what "community you belong to" you want to be talking about in your essay, and I think it should absolutely be the community you're a part of which does community service, not the one about genetic intelligence.

you can also mention a lot of concepts that get admissions wet, such as being uncomfortable with comfort. you should talk about how you and these other people form a sub-community which pushes back against its privilege and advantage etc.

you also need to be 1000x more specific about the community service that you did. talk about a specific street in San Antonio, a specific home, a specific tenant whatever. Any individual memory which was indicative of the larger experience for you. Admissions people read about thousands of teenagers helping build homes, you need to be different.

speaking of different, your 2nd essay is the most stereotypical HS senior essay. you unironically use the fact that there's no I in team. i dont know how important these "stillness" moments before games/tests/recitals are to you, but you absolutely failed to convey it in your paper. it basically boils down to "i like to practice because i want to feel good about x event before x event" but there's no actual conflict here. the MUCH easier essay to write is about practice and how you push yourself in practice so hard. you talk about the nitty-gritty of practicing like getting sweat in your eyes and every muscle in your body screaming in agony, but you don't stop because you know you either suffer in practice or in game.

the issue with the way you wrote it is that you only talk about the easiness/contentedness of a good practice regimen, without talking about the work you do to achieve that easiness in game. our only sense of your practice regimen is you say you spend hours every week on it

I would say easily 50%+ (probably much higher) receive help on their college essay

I would estimate probably around 10% don't write theirs at all (or have it rewritten to such a degree that they essentially didn't write it)

Whether that's appropriate... probably not, but anyone applying for colleges not taking full advantage of help is only hurting themselves

No, you get help in college and after, too.

Frankly, if you're struggling to write an admission essay that won't get immediately thrown in a shredder you're going to struggle every day in university.

but worthless millenials hate to hear reality so idk

not true at all

kind of not really, it has more to do with the parents giving the kids plenty of attention (this forms stonger neuron connections) and putting them in a setting where they can learn more (books and sports and making sure the kids learn how to speak to adults and whatnot). smart parents are probably more likely and able to do those but there isnt any proof its genetic.

edit: when i said genetic i meant hereditary at the end

Ive completely scrapped the first essay, working on brand new one. Now that ive read it/heard some of your opinions it does make me come across as an aryan supremacist.

As far as contractions and comma's go, it really depends on your audience. For example, in *formal* writing, like a term paper or a senior thesis, you would NEVER want to use a contraction - because it's supposed to be as formal as possible. If you're simply writing an essay prompt, which is what this is, I'd assume most common contractions are fine, particularly because whoever looks over this application will not actually be reading your essay in its entirety, but likely just scanning it for strange, off-putting stuff or interesting anecdotal stories.

When you write this sort of thing, you're trying to sell whoever it is that is reading this prompt on you. Just keep that in mind. What do you think are the sorts of things they'd like to hear? What makes you an interesting person who they should let attend, etc?

It also depends on the kind of institution you're attending - a Christian college would want to hear a lot about your religious experiences and convictions, a liberal arts school would like to hear about how you've had a life long love affair with X even though you're *most* interested in Y. A large university would like to hear about *why* you've selected them over other large institutions. Is there a particular program or professor you'd like to work with, etc?

IIRC, my entrance essays all mainly focused around my experiences working at the local land-fill lol (I got that job when I was 16). I think it served me well because it showed I was willing to literally dig through garbage to achieve whatever it was that I wanted lol.

Guys, all have their own problems. In my case, all my problems are solved by essayforever.com - the best essay writing service. I've been there for six months already

ban

.I'm just glad people think we're important enough to advertise to