i watched it, and never knew about how bad it was for you. I hope you get better Tury.

I watched it and it was nice of tury for you to share about your personal life and stuff. I also tried to get a counselor and for her to help me and stuff, but it didn't work out at all. Though most of my depression and just distrust and paranoia of other people lies from my terrible and crappy schooling experience. I think the best anti-depressant medication is probably marijuana.

Oh yeah depression sucks :(

if it was me making this thread i'd get shit on

Counselors can help but only if you find the right one really, there has to be a special connection for it to work.

I tried marijuana and it did kinda help but I hated depending on a drug to make me feel better

sucks man

I would love the opportunity to just drug abuse and basically slowly kill myself, since people say that being on some kind of hallugenic drug is amazing as well as weed. I'mean kind of skeptical of the notion of people paying money just to talk to someone, someone that you bond with naturally and stuff is the better option to go.

I can relate, I am bipolar, and take isotretinoin currently, so I def know how it feels.

You're honestly doing a great job so don't get hard on yourself because your life isn't what you want to be now. A book that really helped me in better understanding things in my own life and the way I was feeling was Cognitive Mood Therapy for Dummies. While my situation isn't the same as yours, I definitely understand how you could have been toxic since I was the very same and I'm proud of you for staying positive about the future of your life.

Gamers, just remember that no matter how bad someone is at a video game and how toxic they are themselves, that this behavior is often a reflection of their lives.

You rejecting the dependence on drugs is significant as you understand very well that your happiness needs to come from within. I'm not sure your fitness levels but honestly just working out whether it be cardio, weight training, or even hippy workouts does wonders and whenever I start feeling sad, I just go run the hardest I possibly can.

If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, play TF2 with or just talk about problems, everyone needs a friend to talk to so please don't be intimidated to add me.

There are quite a few people who think depression is equivalent to feeling sad, so yeah it's easy for them to say oh yeah I was depressed once but not anymore. It's always going to be a fight, as long as you're aware of this one day maybe you'll overcome it. Make everyday your day, life is beautiful and you just need time to find your purpose. Luckily we'll be here for quite a long time, so we can dominate life and be happy one day at a time.

Life is awesome and you are too. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

i think you'd be surprised at the amount of people dealing with trauma and/or mental health issues who use vidya as a coping mechanism. i've struggled with depression at different levels of severity for years now, it's usually manageable but it's rough.
i've not tried venting to a professional so i can't say how much that would help but the medication i'm on has made me a lot more stable and resilient, so i would recommend talking to a doctor about how you're feeling. they understand things from a medical standpoint and won't judge you.

Hallucinogens are non-addictive and are impossible to abuse because of very rapid tolerance build up. You simply won't feel anything if you take them frequently. Also they don't make you feel good, they enhance your current mod, which is not necessarily good if you are feeling suicidal. Although there has been research showing that hallucinogens can help against depression. They will definitely not "slowly" kill you.

Heavy alchohol drinking?

The longer you wait for something to fall out of the sky and fix your problems for you, the worse it gets. Life is never easy or simple, don't expect it to be. Drugs can't help you, money can't help you, love can't help you. Only you can help you you. “Ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.”

You can numb yourself and hide from the world but there is no end to the numbing, you'll never reach a point where you can say "Oh great! this is just the amount of numbing I needed!". Numbing takes you all the way down.

So what's the alternative? Well, worse case scenario is the universe is completely meaningless and none of our decisions matter in the slightest and we’re just talking monkeys on an organic spaceship traveling across the abyss. Cool, we can work with that! Every interaction you have with another person sets up a crazy cause and effect chain reaction that will continue long after you're dead. In a way, your actions are eternal. Is Aristotle dead? What about Galileo? Jesus?

So since our actions are eternal and we’re in this together, at the very least you can not kill yourself and become a contributing member of society, do the things you want to do, inspire others to do the same, become a good person so that you can inspire others to also become good people.

Alcohol is not a hallucinogen, it is a sedative hypnotic.

While it pains me to see threads like these, it's really encouraging that people are willing to open themselves up to this community and discuss these types of issues. You're brave to share your story and I'm glad you're coming out the other side of this.

Depression really sucks. I know what you're going through. But just remember there are little things like this that can help cheer you up :)

Depression is a disorder, not a mindset. It causes a mindset, but that is a manifestation of the actual, underlying issue. Telling someone to stop waiting for someone to fix their problems for them isn't going to help them if they suffer from depression, as their mindset isn't what causes the disorder, but the other way around. Desperately seeking an answer for the pain that this causes a person is not them being selfish, whiny, or lacking in perspective. It's a natural response to something that makes you feel powerless and weak, and that seems unstoppable or even intangible.

I actually agree with the sentiment of your last two paragraphs, and I think that's a good outlook for one to have on life. However, the idea that depression is a result of a lack of strength in the face of life's hardships is simply false, and it is very dangerous as well.

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Been struggling with depression for years. Never knew it, I never had any suicidal tendencies, just always felt like I was a shitty/lazy person. It got really bad in my last year in college, which is when I found TF2 and it kind of helped me stop thinking about how much I hated myself and everything I tried to do (all of my art projects and such), and gave me an outlet to get better at something I knew I was bad at and wasn't ashamed of being bad at.

Through TF2 I met another guy who was really unwell and suicidal. I accidentally ended up becoming his counselor and it hit me hard too but I kind of recognized a lot of my own thoughts in his 3 a.m. ramblings. I eventually went to see a doctor about my state because it was having a negative effect on my relationship with my fiance and I finally saw that it was really hard on him to have to care for me. Then I got sent to a psych and diagnosed with severe depression. He bypassed recommending alternative treatments (the reason I went to see this doctor in the first place) and immediately just said "you need meds". My mother flipped out and went on about how "depression is just a mind set" and blah blah blah I just need to get happier and I wouldn't need a pharmacological intervention.

I said "fuck that noise" and went and filled the prescription. Two months later I saw the sun rise for the first time, and spent 10 hours drawing again. I still have a lot of ups and downs but after years of slowly suffocating I can finally kind of breathe again. I got two organizations that I volunteer for now, and finally my first job/career that I enjoy. I've also since then spoken to two other guys I've played with who made me think of my own thoughts back when I was really under it and convinced them to go see their doctors and get treatment. They ended up quitting video games because I guess they realized they were using them for the same thing I do and went to go do other stuff with their life. But I'm still hanging around here.

So yeah I guess moral of the story is, if you feel like you haven't been happy in a long time and you keep saying to yourself that it's because you're "lazy" and if you could just get more motivated to do stuff, you'd totally be happy, go see a doctor. You don't need to feel suicidal to be seriously fucked up.

depression comes in so many forms, I suffered from it horribly while I was at uni, like not suicidal but very dehabilitating, if something would go wrong or I'd argue with someone I would find myself sat in the corner of the room for 8 hours some times just crying, and other times I would just burst out in a fit of rage. I wouldn't say I have the severe depression I was diagnosed with anymore, it's still there but, sometimes you just have to remove yourself from a situation that is toxic to you (university for me), as your health is more important than a diploma

relateable in too many ways man

This takes guts to do something like this. respect man. keep fighting

strong withdrawal can cause hallucinations and other neurological shit

also the worst part of any sort of mental illness is building a tolerance to any drug or therapy that helps you, it feels awful to slowly feel something that makes you better get worse :(

strong withdrawal from anything gabaergic has the potential of giving you bad seizures and kill you. Alcohol, benzos and z-drugs (ambien, other sleeping pills) are in this group

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I would like to apologize to anyone in the community that I might have gotten the wrong idea from me. During the time that I was more active in TF2 my life was slowly spiraling, but that still gives me no excuses for some of the things I did to some people. My depression wasn't as bad as Tury's is but it was still a problem (like all depressions are). It started around 2014 and life just got real dull for me for no apparent reason. Then things started going down hill very fast, like breakups and losing friends because people said its like I wasn't emotionally there anymore. It continued to spiral into 2015 and in the middle of that year is when it really began to hit its peak. I had a couple of nervous breakdowns in mid 2015 and became sick. Lots of health issues like with the eyes and mental health issues run in my family and I began to see the effects of them, mainly with my eyes as my vision is becoming worse and I'll probably be blind when I'm older. I tried to overdose on Adderall which was a terrible idea because you basically can't it will just give you the effect of drinking like 10 energy drinks really quickly. It wasn't so much that I wanted to die I just wanted to be happy again and find some emotional stability. Anyways, I began to fill my time with activities that I enjoyed doing and tried to never be alone as much as possible because my depression would thrive when I'm lonely. I wouldn't say that I've beat my depression and I still have a hard time connecting to people but I'm in a much better place and things are improving. I'm really glad that this past month is Mental Health Awareness month because things like this and others are an issue that don't get as much attention to but should. The biggest thing for me was how well I hid it, I would seem happy on the outside but I very much wasn't on the inside and thats how it went unnoticed from me and many other people.

its good to note that a person who is depressed may also be suffering from a milder form of bipolar disorder. some doctors may overlook bipolar as a possibility and quickly go to depression as being the answer. getting second and even third and forth opinions helps if you still feel like things are not as expected. always talk to your doctor open and honestly about your mood and behavior so they can help adjust any medication you may be taking. remember that people want to help, and many have been where you are now. just throwing that out there for anybody.

stay strong my man keep fighting :)

Happy to hear theres improvement, keep on that path