back in highschool there was this armando kid who would always go up to me and fucking grab my dick constantly, shit was weird.

also had a guy that would smack my ass when i was pissing

hello what military base was this i must know because i grew up with a kid that liked magic and bit my ass because he was pretending to be a shark on a military base please respond pelase thank yoou

strap in boys

I was an IT assistant in highschool, meaning i had the administrator password and could remove the internet filter. this weird kid named richard came up to me and asked me to unlock it for him and i jokingly said it was 15 dollars. He came in the next day with 15 dollars and gave it to me and i unlocked a computer in the library.

about 20 minutes later i saw him watching hentai of a pregnant woman getting fucked by a mentaur while chained from the ceiling blindfolded

Oh boy.

My work hired this old Indian lady to be a "department sales manager" which basically means 2nd assistant manager and being in charge of all of shoes and industrial clothing. She had this annoying high pitched voice and would constantly drone on about nonsense either to people or if no one was listening to her (very likely), to herself. She'd ask constant questions with bad timing that usually had nothing to do with work, like asking my coworker questions while he was vacuuming, or asking me constant personal questions when I was trying to read on my break.
She'd also constantly lie about things and had some serious trouble understanding extremely basic things. One example being our back door alarm. It's an extremely simple system where you just stick your key in and turn it left to arm the alarm, and right to turn it off. I showed her how to do it and figured that was that.
But no, every time there was a delivery/pickup and she had to open the back door, she asked me how to turn the alarm off. After about 6 times of failing to explain this extremely simple task, I get frustrated and put a sticky note up next to the alarm with a drawing of how to turn it off and on. The next time the back door bell goes she comes up to the door and asks me again how to turn the alarm off, so I point at the drawing. She just stares at it blankly for a few seconds, then stares at me for a few more, then hands me her keys for me to turn the alarm off. A bunch of my coworkers (including the ast. manager) didn't believe me when I told them, so they all ended up trying to show her how the alarm works.
None of them succeeded.
Eventually she quit after turning our shoe and industrial departments into a complete disaster and never learning how our alarm system works despite the fact that I could probably teach a 5 year old how it works.

Hopefully no one from HR finds my post and fires me.

Just look at the lft forums, you'll find good examples everywhere

Everyone knew a kid that ran with his arms behind his back

http://pad3.whstatic.com/images/thumb/8/80/Run-Like-Naruto-Step-6.jpg/aid315255-v4-728px-Run-Like-Naruto-Step-6.jpg

my economics teacher make a grunting noise after every sentence she speaks. its gotten to the point where me and my friends who had her in different periods would tally up how many times she grunted in a class. i think the highest was around 300

also blaine_ told me he used to wear his headset to school and pretend to be the scout

"the government lights up the moon and makes it pink just so conspiracy theorists will say crazy stuff that discredits the real conspiracies"

actual real quote i heard just 2 nights ago at work

blaine_ told me he keeps a baseball bat in his locker. so if anyone talks shit say goodbye to your kneecaps, chucklehead.

Don't forget about those people who are pathological liars. I know a guy who will lie for no reason about something, for example: Cats are the leading cause of Alligator deaths (actual physical thing he said)

Yeah one of my friends in primary school would not stop coming up with bullshit like "Oh dude Will Smith is currently on vacation at my home." "Next week we're gonna have the cast of High School Musical come over for dinner." My favourite was "Dude Miley Cyrus is my actual girlfriend, I just went on 'iwantagirlfriend . com' and she pays for my membership"

.

I had a kid that went to my school that was known for giving teachers edibles this was downfall/expulsion as a teacher had to go to the hospital after thinking he was having a heart attack in class. He claimed that he never did drugs or drank and that he gave the edibles to teachers that needed to be enlightened. He drove a moped with a sidecar and would routinely have exotic animals in it. His snapchat story would routinely be him and his pet (alligator/crocodile?) chilling in his room/bed, he was a border at the high-school I go to and it's beyond me how he got so many exotic animals into his dorm . He gave himself the nickname dirty pete freshman year and would do handstands from class to class all the time. He went to the gym a lot but would always just be jump roping or doing weird dancing on the dead lift mats. All of this said dirty Pete was one of the nicest kids I ever met, would help you at the drop of the hat. He was also surprisingly smart, he kept up on his school work from what I could tell and was in a handful of my AP classes.

I work in the produce section of a grocery store. One day I was putting lemons onto a lemon display and after a couple minutes of doing this a guy comes in the store where I am and starts standing beside me. He starts off just inspecting the lemons which is pretty normal cause you don't want to buy shitty lemons. Now it's been 2 minutes of him just inspecting lemons so im kinda confused because you should find a lemon you like at this point. He continues inspecting up until around the 5 minute mark where he starts getting his face up to the lemons and he starts breathing in heavily and smelling them. I'm pretty weirded out now but I say nothing. After about 7 minutes in total I speak up and say "Do you really like lemons?" because im just checking that this person is a real human person. He says "I'm just trying to find the really yellow ones." Now i'm really fucking confused because you don't find out which lemons are yellow by smelling them you find that out by looking at them which he was doing for 5 minutes already so what hte fuck are you still doing here. Finally after 10 minutes he's picked 3 lemons he's content with and leaves.

I have a classmate who escapes from home at random periods, for random nonsense to random places, like one weekend circa a half year ago she escaped from home to one of her girl friends house 20 km away because a teacher caught her drinking vodka in class.

Because I'm a terrible person without taste I like playing pubs at Skial Turbine EU. After taking a 3 month break from TF2 I returned to the server to discover we had acquired a new regular: Roger Moore

Roger is quite easy to recognize when he's in the server: He only plays heavy and always wears his trusty Ushanka.

He is completely oblivious. I don't know how he does it but he's one of the only people I've seen who is better off just idling in spawn until one of the skial bots takes control.
According to Skial's stat page he has almost 700 hours played on skial servers alone. He also claims to be 57.5 years old and has been playing TF2 for over 5 years.

He has this irrational hatred for medics. If a medic heals him he just stops playing. He will stand still for the next 10 minutes and flame the medic, go to his steam profile to report him to Valve 5 seperate times, then continue to rage in chat, then decide his team isn't doing anything and do the same for each teammate. This takes some time but he's dedicated

He will then also claim the medic is using cheats. I'm not certain why he does this but I have some theories.
I think he believes Valve owns Skial. So his logic is that a Skial admin will join the server if he reports people multiple times on their steam profile. So after reporting he thinks an admin is watching him and tries to convince the non-existant admin that the medic is cheating. Though I'm not 100% sure about the theory he often says "ok admin you can ban him now" in team chat after reporting someone so it's definitely possible.

This is also when you'll see his insult wheel of fortune appear. At first you'd think he just uses a bind script that repeats the same lines over and over but it's actually him using the same 3 or 4 insults every time. You can check out his past chat here http://stats.skial.com/#player/tf/37845687
Random screenshot of generic Roger Moore chat for those who don't feel like clicking the skial link: https://puu.sh/vojgF/7ffe283217.png (read from bottom to top for chronological order)

Roger always does this in team chat so usually you don't notice if you're on the other team. I often forget he's on the server because he just sits in the enemy spawn and emerges from spawn to walk into a stickytrap every 10 minutes or so after which he disappears in spawn again to report his teammates.

Obviously Roger harassing other players usually results in them harassing him back. And it didn't take long for people to figure out the easiest way to do that is going medic. You'll usually see Roger sitting in spawn writing his reports to Valve with 1 to 3 medics healing him.

There's some people who are really bullying him now which is kind of sad because I'm convinced he has some sort of mental handicap. They're really just cyberbullying some random mentally handicapped guy who just wants to play videogames and doesn't know any better.

I've ignored him for the most part but despite this he thinks I (and many others) on the server cheat just to annoy him. he even went as far as calling some of us worse than the medics healing him. I can only assume this means he truly truly hates me.

Roger's not just weird imo. He's also interesting in a way.
He's not doing any actual harm. His reports do nothing and if you ignore his constant rage in team chat it's like he's not even there because he rarely plays the game anyway. In a way it's nice to have him around as some sort of server mascot.
If you ever happen to be in Skial EU Turbine give Roger a friendly nod as you walk past him and his medics in spawn :)

roger moore is a legend

wow, i'm going to be thinking about roger moore for a long time

Roger Moore was a pretty solid James Bond

.

Lars and the Real Girl?

some kid who sat next to me in a class in high school would bother me during class to show me memes and then do this fucking inhuman troll face impression with his face

the image is forever burned into my mind, it honestly had all of the wrinkles and horrid crooked smile that the troll face has but the kicker was that his teeth were fucking awful and the wide smile exposed them fully

I actually know a Roger Moore IRL. Late 50's, too.
I'll ask him what his opinion is on Skial next time I see him.

In middle school I had a Geography Teacher that was like actually insane. She had hidden cameras in the room, tissue box, etc. She would put her shoes in her refrigerator and there was a rumor she would boil her socks and try to create a tornado in her shoes lmao. She also got so mad at my 7th period class (because like everyday everyone would ask to go to the bathroom at least once and be gone for like 15 minutes) so she started making us take a bathroom break at the beginning of class and you weren't allowed to leave the class to go to the bathroom or do anything else for the rest of the period. She also used to have a game day every other Friday where we could just play random ass board games with our friends (and this one kid would get sent to the office almost every day on game day for "accidentally" throwing game pieces at her from across the room). One of my friends would get sent to the office like every other day with a blue slip and I remember this one time he was writing down his homework assignment like she asked all of us to do and after everyone finished writing it down she started going over stuff in our book and he was still writing it down she was like "Will, what are you doing???" and he was like "I'm writing down the assignment like you asked" and she got so mad at him and wrote him a blue slip. He came back from the principals office like 10 minutes later and leans over to me and is just like "The principal said that was stupidest reason to be sent here with a blue slip hes ever seen." The principal ripped up the blue slip and sent him back to class. She quit teaching the year after and came back one year to be a chaperone for a school field trip in highschoool lol

Honestly I could go on and on about this teacher, I have so many stories from her class and from friends in other periods. She was definitely a teacher I'll never forget lol

recently one of my friends was catfished by his friend. they still talk too
like i dont even know whats happening he showed me PICTURES of their chats and evidence that it was the friend...

when i was in preschool this niglet girl tried to give me some of her PBnJ sandwich bird style.....i swerved nigga

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/bkkMc9tU-CI/maxresdefault.jpg

chunkey

please do not say the n word on my team fortress tv

http://i.imgur.com/a2KvuHe.jpg

notice the name

@owl this is my right

There is a girl in my highschool right now that is probably less than 5' flat. She probably weighs about 80lbs. Her hair is dyed purple. She has been suspended a bunch of times, here are the reasons I've heard of that were especially notable

1) Asking the construction workers working on the school renovations for cigarettes (she actually got some)
2) Crushing and snorting oxycontin in the school bathroom
3) Taking xanax in the school bathroom
4) Fighting with 3 other girls in the school bathroom
5) Leaving school to smoke marijuana, and then returning to school an hour later

I honestly have no clue how she hasn't been expelled or sent to a juvenile detention center