back when i was one the team it was
"connor what are you doing you let thast scout kill me!!!!!!!!!!!"

me: "Entropy dont feed"
entropy "NO"
me: "Entropy please just hold last"
entropy "im fucking raping these idiots"
team: "entropy dont fucking feed"
team: "entropy why the fuck did you feed"

I'm a god don't even worry about it.

6v1

i've seen you win these

med got a saw
nvm 2 saws

come with me child/my child
kill this child/idiot
how is this child/idiot not being punished
punish this child/idiot
why arent you punishing him
i'm fucking them! :3
why/how am i alone
where is our medic
why dont you push
wtf how did you die??
why do you all die when i die
what is happening
(god damnit) he doesn't deserve/lucky bitch/i hate you guys/this fucking zombie

a guide to why i'm sometimes a bad caller

what I said = translation

"fuck." = "I'm dead"
"FUCK" = "I hit the guy for 150"
"FUCK!!!!" = "What the fuck that med didn't pop are you fucking kidding me I did 148 damage jesus christ this retard."
"scouts lit" = "scouts hit 40"
"demos lit" = "demos hit 195"
"roamers lit" = "pockets hit 200, he's still being healed"
"Goin sniper" = "i've been on sniper for like 5 minutes already, i figured i'd call it now"

"im gonna go jump in and die"
"im dead demo took 50"

"how the fuck is he not dead i hit him with 3 directs" when i hit someone with 1 direct, 1 splash rocket, then miss the third one

"scout took 100" when in reality he took like 60

me for the entirety of last season :<

"why is he there?!?!"

"thats actually so retarded"

"god i hate (said item)"

"he's lit, oh nvm he got the pack"

whenever I deal a lot of damage I say "he's literally 2 health." and instead of calling for an uber I say "Let's go kill things."

If anything took between 45 or 110 I automatically call "He's hit 80"
Also will run in and die and call "They're all distracted, push." Which usually results in my team wiping

"20,000 leagues under the mid point"
"hold on, i have to get ammo"
"fuck i only have 2 rockets"
"scouts molested"
"god fucking damn it why is he there"
"let's go, fat solo" *proceeds to miss every rocket and beef jumping high ground twice*

i took him to pound town/own zone

"Dude I almost hit an air shot!!!"

"im 1v1ing the med"
followed by
"med killed me and got 2 saws"
whenever i play scout

i've got a couple of callouts that i say more than i should.
Rape Cavern- Water, Gully Last
Frolic- Flowers, Sunshine
Angel- Panic Room, Process
X- Bridge/Cross, Badlands

I also sometimes(90% of the time) mix up my rights and my lefts or occasionally i'll just fuck up areas.
Examples include:
Mixing Sewer/IT on process
Mixing Shutter/Rollout on process
Mixing Shutter/Dungeon/Upper on Sunshine
Being a general fuckup on badlands mid

I also often do the exact opposite of what i say.
Also i say sneeze on point or sneeze on him when the point is near capped or someone is hurt.

"look at his dick" - evolved from "GUY'S SO WEAK LOOK AT HIS DICK AND HE'LL DIE"
"wHAT'S He doING" - enemy flank gamer made a good flank
"im jumping" - fuck you med i love gunboats pocket meta
"solly took an airshot" - i know exactly how much damage i did but the airshot bit is more important

not mine but i like when people try to analyze why they lost a fight but instead of calling someone out and offending them they just say "i dont know man"

i have trouble coming up with new ways to tell my team i fed

oh i forgot the classic "THEIR WHOLE TEAM'S FLANK" or "THEY'RE ALL IN CHOKE" when in reality it's no more than a medic and a few other players

'he took a million'
'they each took 100 million'

'theres a guy on the dick'
'hes on the dick'

http://i.imgur.com/I4gkXNb.webm

*my roommate in the background*
"BRIMSTONE IS A FAGGOT"

smashy would play the sunday night football theme song before every game

when i was on kevin's team we all used "pwned" whenever someone was lit

"this guy is the greatest fucking player to ever live"

"he's literally a ghost"

"im gunna go kill med. i fed meds not hit."
"IM FUCKING OWNING THEM HELP ME" *hits 3 30dmg shots*
"i have fucking 200 ping im tilted"
"can you guys actually fucking do something im hitting them for x damage and ur just dying"
"what is this fag doing dude hes literally autistic" *im the one who fed*
"look out for a downy i swear hes behind us"

"hes lit, nope he got arrowed"

"he got ARROWED wtf?"

etc

For example:
When I hit a med for 40 and a scout for 80 I sometimes just say the average of both and call
"Scout and Med took 60"

I dont know why

mumble consists of saying "my dude" a lot

and me saying "im laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagging"

I'm the worst when airshots are involved

(rocket in the air, looks to be on track) *audible sharp inhalation* while, for some reason, holding my ptt key
(rocket hits) "AOOHHAHAAAH"
(48 damage) "OH MY GOD THE DEMO IS DESTROYED"
(dead, spectating the remaining players in a fight they've clearly already lost) "You guys got this!"
(team wipe :/)