Update on my dog:

My dog is going to be put to sleep, she has too many health problems at this point and she is dying slowly, and she has really no chance of survival at this point. I am the last person in this world to want her be put to sleep, but there is no other option....

EDIT: Ok my dog might not be put to sleep since my dad really despises it, after discussion with fellow vet relatives he might take her to a ER vet. It will be expensive and will not guarantee healing her, a decision will be made tomorrow.

[*]

i miss my dog :(

I'll just never be decent at this game. I am aware that this type of thinking is holding me back, so every game I play I get those kind of thoughts and I have to focus onto fighting them so I can't focus on the game, tilting me even further.

i got kicked out of my band for memeing 2 hard on some girl in my dorm 4 years ago cuz this guy who runs a diy venue found out about it and banned me for it. all i did was tell her im an autismo neckbeard <_>

I had to put down my dog today, It hurts so much but it had to be done. Unfortunately her recovery was short lived and it was just too hard to keep her alive. Her name was cookie, lived to be 15 years old, and would have loved everyone of you dudes if you got to meet her. My heart also goes to any fellow people that recently lost relatives/friends of any kind

we are now edating please do not try to talk to my e-boyfriend or else there will be problems thanks

https://puu.sh/AOHHK/60603f04a0.jpg

https://puu.sh/AOHHf/70aa7ab698.jpg

grats

ive been feeling really detached and depressed these past couple of weeks. sometimes when i wake up i get really upset and cry a whole bunch in bed, and don't feel like getting up
i have alot of things bothering me deep down, but i feel very hesitant and uncomfortable talking to literally anyone about it? i dont even want to talk to my irl best friends about it, because i feel like im just fucking bothering them and making them worry and feel sorry for me, which makes me wonder if i even want to be helped at all, and that scares me

I really miss my highlander bros. Summer of 2017 we spent close to every single day in our mumble talking and having an epic time. That summer was literally the best time of my life because of them, and now i almost never talk to them because of school and work. We we all had so much in common, but now i really only talk to my irl friends in discord which i share almost nothing in common with. It really blows saying anything about tf2 or quake and knowing that no one has the slightest clue about what youre talking about. Fuck real life dude i want to talk to my bros again :(

my dog has colon cancer and he doesnt have much more time. he will eventually become so uncomfortable with his tumor that we will have to put him out of his misery. he's only 6 years old and chowskis have a life expectancy of 10-13 years. i didnt even want a dog 5 years ago when we adopted him but i am so thankful to have had such an amazing dog in my life. its truly unreal to me that he will be gone in the coming months.

absolutely shitting it for lan

It depends on what is decent for your standards.
On one hand you might be bad compared to high/prem players (500 players?)
On another hand you're much more skilled at tf2 than 98% of pub players (a few million players?).

What's holding you back? Aim/movement, or decision making/teamplay?

If you have shit skills but good gamesense and good team play, I assure you that you can do well up to division 2, because that's what I did D:. If you have shit gamesense but good skills you can reach the same level too, as most dm donkeys prove it season after season (some go even higher)

You are also probably not looking at the right indicators for performance. IIRC you're scout, and I suspect that you keep a close eye on your logs, or even your K/D and damage on the scoreboard during games.

Here's an experiment : enable match hud (tf_use_match_hud) , unbind your scoreboard, turn off killfeed (hud_deathnotice_time). Play for your team, feed to support teammates, feed to buy time for your respawns, feed for the stickies attacking last. How's your team performing? Could you tell? I can assure you that being an annoyance for the enemy and an asset in comms for your team far eclipses any miserable K/D you might feel you have.

Hell even Giroud didn't do anything this world cup and he still won :)

Next, ask yourself why getting good feels so important to you that you go so hard on yourself. Maybe instead of wanting to focus on the game, as you say, you should focus on enjoying your time.

i just lost my virginity to a girl to a random girl and looking back on it now i wish it was to someone that meant more to me

sqd

no

-

I've had huge social issues and fluctuating bad depression for years. Often feel like an uninteresting, unlovable loser and that there's no one I can connect with/be understood by. Haven't really made any progress socially since I've been at uni. I know it's partly my fault since I don't exactly advertise myself as a friendly happy-go-lucky guy but I really don't want to have to be putting on a facade all the time.

Probably not unique problems among the gaming community.

where do you live?

uh Nelson. I'm not active in the ozf/oceania scene, played a bit years ago but now I'm just a lurker.

if you were in wellington we could hang out :~)

Ah, well thanks mate.

ur a good dude Shifta

i told a friend of mine he could move in with me if he ever came back to town, not thinking he would ever want to come back to indiana

he just texted me saying he's thinking about coming back and i don't want a roommate anymore

https://twitter.com/uberchain/status/1026205810823639040

one of the first pugs i played in 6s was with some notable players, one of which shared with the rest of our team a post on tftv they thought was funny that said "they should let trans people in the military so they can get killed instead." at this point in 6s, not many people knew who i was or that i was trans, and i, like everyone else in the mumble at the time, stayed silent. some chuckled, but not much of response, positive or negative. this left a lasting impression on me as a tf2 player and from then on when i played tf2, after people found out i was trans, i was always on defense from people. when people find out about my gender, id constantly get asked about it or even just straight up pointed out for no reason. one time, even, a high level trans player in a pug that i hadn't met yet immediately said to me "you're a tranny right?" like that was just an okay thing to ask me. after stuff like this, im always tightly wound up and defensive around tf2 players im not friends with because i can never be sure they aren't going to berate, single out, or ostracize me for my gender, and i think because of this fear, i used to irrationally lash out a lot, and get angry when it probably wasnt warrented.

This post really didn't age well

My son is gay

earlier this month i got my new pc and i got so excited cuz with this new pc it opened so many new opportunities for me, while i didn't get it to play games only but still, mostly the idea of me finally trying out scout seriously because in my old pc in 6s it would drop down to 20-30 fps and that completely made scout unplayable in 6s

so yeah i got super excited to play tf2 and other game when i booted up my pc for the first time, but after almost a month of having this pc this was prob a bad idea.

this pc made me realize how i have no aim whatsoever and that it'll prob stay that way forever, like i always thought iwas really handicapped me as a player was my pc (also ping but w/e), and now i have a good pc and now i'm still shit, i wasn't expecting to be like a top invite scout either b4 i got my pc but still i was hoping to be at least decent at it, like it's so frustrating for me to play scout cuz i know i should be doing better but i can't

i always seem to be heavily dissapointed, angry and sad at myself everytime i play mge as scout or playing scout in general, the only excuse i might have is that i'm using a tv as my monitor and i heard those have really awful input lag but i don't even know if the one i'm using rn has any noticeable one but it's not like my old pc had a stateoftheart monitor either so and i feel like i generally did better with that 20 fps machine

like everytime i try to hit something as scout i just flick like if the target was like 90º from my crosshair as i completely miss and it's so embarrasing, it's really my muscle memory that's been the cause of those dumb ass flicks i've been doing but those movements are so burned in my muscle memory it's hard to not do those, the only thing that might be my redeeming quality is maybe my movement but even then after playing years of med and hundreds of hours in jump maps yeah i better have ok movement

it's just so frustrating really, also everytime i've played 6s since i've gotten my new pc i've done badly in either fragging classes or medic i just do absolutely awful, i've tried playing a few other games too (r6 and quake champions) and i struggled to do not-shit in both (i struggled in r6 way more than i did in quake)

i've just been angry at myself, that's it really.

I really have no fucking idea what I'm doing with my life currently. There was a time when I did fairly well in school and I was super dedicated to TF2, playing day in and day out and constantly following the competitive scene in North America and abroad, browsing the TFTV forums every day, and being happy with myself. But more and more recently, I haven't enjoyed any of it. I've stopped playing TF2 entirely and reading the teamfortress.tv forums just sours my mood, seeing both how Valve's neglect has ruined a great game and how the community perpetually remains toxic.

Outside of teamfortress.tv and some internet friends, I am socially dead. I have no friends that I have ever seen in the flesh and I often spend each day talking to nobody and just going through my day, only speaking to people when I'm required to or when I'm upset about anything. I'm ugly as fuck and probably annoying and I'm 100% sure if I attempted to initiate a discussion with anyone, it would do nothing but to make other people uncomfortable and just make myself look like an asshole.

But social life doesn't matter, it'll all pass later right??? Well, I don't even know what I'm going to be doing because I'm a worthless piece of shit with nothing of value. I have no actual skills or talents and I have nothing that makes me stand out from other people. My grades are meh and ultimately I'll never achieve the dream job that I've wanted since I was a kid because I have absolutely none of the talents required to even be proficient in it.

I suppose I should've structured this or something, but honestly it might just be my sleep deprivation talking. I just miss the days when I used to love tf2 and I used to have optimism. :(

After playing at RGB LAN and coming home, it's just rather sad and difficult, as you resume and continue your normal life. But it's definitely reassuring and warming, seeing people I saw at the previous RGB LAN, being hospitable and offering me food and drinks, and offer a place for me to stay, despite the fact I have no money or nothing really of value to give to other people. Although people are generally nice and cordial on LAN compared to online, I felt like a few of my teammates were rather two-faced with some of the TF2 players I encountered in LAN. Like on the surface they would be nice and friendly, but behind their backs just talk shit about them, because of their reputation online or what they posted on TFTV. I'm not playing victim here, as I also shit talk about of bunch of other TF2 players online;doing shafty things online that I have since regretted. But I think I think in a sense; I try to be honest about myself and to other people and try to treat people with respect.
I used playing TF2, as a way to meet my emotional and social needs and to escape from my life of relative poverty, and a dysfunctional, disjointed family. As well the fact that I dropped out of high school a few years back,and just having absolutely zero friends irl to talk to, besides my church on Sundays and my immediate family. Maybe If I was placed into a better school environment, where I wasn't treated as a problem student and just given a bunch of busywork, because of the fact I refused to do a lot of the schoolwork and placed into special ed classes. That I would have completed high school by now, and be attending college in state or out of the state. I felt like I put my life on hold for almost the past three years.