i snipe in 6s dmixes

i know my life is empty because i cry over a rapper who died two years ago at 3 am why tf

i actually dont have anything other to care about

music has that power. i dont think this is anything to be ashamed of.

=

Its fucked up, getting so attached with an animal. I had a cat I loved for almost 18 years, one moment she was fine, I walked outside my door to get my shoes for work, I turn around and come back in and she was on the ground. It was like she was waiting for me to leave the room. The entire situation left me very hurt, but at least I was around for the last few moments.

The 2nd cat I had, I adopted her here in Florida. She was amazing, very athletic, loving, so much damn personality. She started out as a indoor cat and at one point I had to take a long trip, couldn't take care of her so I asked my parents if they would. When I got back I discovered they turned her into an outdoor cat. This was upsetting. For 2 years I had some very interesting moments with her, I could go on walks like someone taking the dog out for stroll. If she got bored she would jump up me and wrap around my shoulders. Sadly she ALWAYS, wanted out at night, I hated that. One night she never came home. I dont know if she is dead, or if she got "adopted" by someone else. Honestly, any potential relationships with animals, owning them or taking care of them, just straight damaged. I cant do it. It hurts so fucking bad, thinking about the what ifs.

So I'm sorry about your cat, I hope you able to become attached with something that needs the same love you once gave, I only wish I could do the same. Also sorry for the 4 month reply, I dont check this thread often, I saw your post and it just opened up old wounds with me and if I didnt talk about it, It would probably sit with me all night.

I don't think I'll ever escape depression, and I'm perfectly okay with that.

productivity is overrated, and almost forced upon us. humans are animals and animals like being lazy. i dont think being lazy is great, but i wouldnt beat yourself up about it either.

there is no escape from depression, just learning how to cope and find healthy outlets. accepting your condition is a vital step forward. as long as you dont 'nurture' your depression, if that makes sense.

This is a post i've wanted to make for the past 4 years on tftv but never got around the time to doing it.

I spent a majority of my middle and highschool years playing video games. I used to play wizard101 and then moved on to team fortress 2. Looking back at it I wasted a lot of time playing these games. I don't think its wrong to play video games for hours on end, but I, like many others let gaming take over much needed time to do schoolwork, socialize and spend time with my family. I used to tell myself that I just enjoyed gaming more and that since I was playing with my friends online I was still socializing. I used to tell myself lies about my gaming and tell myself it wasnt a problem. Looking back at that time it definitely was. Although I enjoyed many of those hours gaming I also completely let go of everything outside of the game. Anyway, if you are a gamer and you're gaming instead of doing your homework, if you are telling your friends you are busy on a Friday night just to game, if you game when you are sad because its a coping mechanism, or if you game when you have something more important to do please stop. Don't lie to yourself.
Theres nothing wrong with spending a lazy sunday gaming all day, but if you have a paper due on monday, don't do it. I stopped gaming cold turkey in 2016 and it took 4 months to stop thinking about it all the time. At first, it was so hard to not think about gaming always, it took a whole 6 months to get used to the normal life.

Now on the other side of the tunnel, I have to come to find I have an easier time sleeping at night and my overall mental health is a lot better.

I still game now, but I don't game when I have work to do and I dont when my friends want to hang out with me.

:|

sobbing bc i wont get a cute big titty asian wife

crying again cause none of them will ever know I exist https://twitter.com/227_staff/status/1307640192556126208?s=21

It's funny how a couple years ago the only thing I ever wanted to do was sleep and now I wish I could never sleep. Whether it be the voices in my head or the night terrors I have every night, I dread sleeping and legit try to sleep as little as I humanely can. This leads to me being tired all the time, which makes me irritable and annoying. Combine that with me having very limited social skills, and it ends up making me very unlikeable imo. Mix that in with my constant fuckups, and it's no wonder why so few people like me / are willing to put up with me.

I'll always like you fygg :)

fygg I like you as well, you have done some shitty things in the past, but everyone has done shit their not proud of wether online or in their real life interactions, me included.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/459957763741843459/792201313416249344/image0.jpg

I just want to publicly denounce my actions and toxicity these past few years. I understand that I have a very few number of people who like me in the TF2 community and for good reason. There really was no excuse for my actions throughout the years and I apologize to those who I have effected. As I continue to work on myself as a person and a community member I can only express my absolute sincerest apologies to the people who I've caused harm to. I currently am actively trying to better myself and work on rebuilding a better image for myself. I appreciate the time to those who read. Happy holidays, stay safe, wear a mask.

spending christmas alone isnt very fun :(

When it comes to competitive tf2, some people call me goated, when all I think about is me being a disgrace to the human race. Like some people, even IRL friends think I’m goated but when I play, I get absolutely destroyed by people who I myself think didn’t deserve it (young sanity) or like in season3 of RGL 6s, 4 weeks into the season I got replaced by a sub and therefore left the team entirely because I was pissed. I didn’t even participate in season 4, nor do I intend on playing season 5. Then I feel like a failure whenever my products I take time on like my ancient challenger video game, or my stick battles card game, they just don’t do anything that good... and I just want to know who really cares about me and who really supports me.

man it's stupid to admit but i feel like i'm going crazy or something
everyone goes through this eventually but i'm just irked that its happened and it was so sudden
lot of people i've talked to personally told me that i'm dodging a bullet which is certainly true but i don't want to agree to it still
i was actually so fucking happy a couple weeks ago... well like a month or so more really
being single my whole life now turning 24(nov 20th, 2020) only going through a few dates here and there nothing stuck- but actually being APPROACHED and LOVED for the little short and sweet time i had was awesome but it's over already, fucking what? she felt me out and then she closed it
i'm gonna go through this but holy shit yo right now it's fucking tough cuz i still see her every morning at work like wtf
times before her was fucking slow but with her time was fast, loving and fun but now i'm immediately halted and now time feels even slower
i wanna get outta here but i'm on molasses dude
it's totally fine to be slowed down it's for the better. i should be patient but man this covid shit has gotta fucking end man
i could still move today but dude it's like a gnarly time to commit to shit like that, where right now i'm safe as fuck
i'll be safe if i move but who fucking knows what happens

this winter is going to fucking blow man
at least i like my job and i'm trying my best to get super active and be fit (thanks mom for the fitbit)... feels lovely bros totally recommend always do and always will
working on your feet where you're always moving helps cuz right now i ain't got no where to go that would make me move this much (doin the same trails gets OLD)
still got like 15 pounds to lose again but jeez the last 13 was rapid as fuck
it's such a good feeling that i was able to wear my pants again like a month into working my job back in august
damn did i get fat over the lockdown i was embarrassed as shit

i'm mellow guy man, i keep to myself i don't push problems i don't bring problems up often i stay on a neutral line, a line that doesn't wave or move.
i'm more of a protective person to others i want them to be at a happy state that's what makes me happy. no one needs to work on what i'm going through i'll chew it up, but i don't expect it from you.
i live off your reactions to stuff we do your emotions coincide what my emotions are
this is why deep down i want children y'know how much shit you can do with them? bring joy in their faces, seeing them learn something take whatever they get a move on from that... fucking uplifting for real

i'm not gonna go too deep into it man it's her choice like i can't change her mind i can't force her back but she broke something off that i doubt was actually gonna happen down the long road but that's her gut feeling... so go with it
she still wanted to be friends but i had to close that, it was gonna be way too confusing for me. i hate her but i love her yo like i was just starting to go bonkers for her

fuck someone get this song away from me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwrRVyflJpo

life gets better yall

.

.

i have 2k hours and im still playing bottom open tier pugs
getting rolled every time on demo
getting to a point where i come up with an excuse for myself not to play every time

‎

hopefully this sentiment will be shared by many but i just need to get these words out of my body.

the pandemic has exposed so much of north america's failure for me. failure in education, and failure in resource allocation, and all this failure just compounds on top of itself. anti-maskers, anti-vaxxers, conspiracy theorists arouse from a failure of people in education who give any shits (which is also a resource allocation thing because its well known that many teachers kinda blow at their job and would surely be more motivated if they were paid more). these people pride themselves in being "skeptical" "playing devil's advocate" and "asking the questions nobody wants to ask" but it actually turns out they are just retards who ask questions that aren't even close to pointing them in the right direction, and when they don't have an answer for their question they go "ha! brainwashed little sheep" and continue on their oblivious, high-horse riding lives.

dont get me started on resource management. we choose to keep using fossil fuels. we choose to withhold live-saving vaccines that are otherwise going unused and ultimately disposed of. we choose to let the rich get richer. we are terrified of change because of strawmen created by people who deliberately leave out details. No nuclear energy - dont u remember chernobyl???... dont raise taxes by 1% thats communism and dont you remember the soviet union???... those countries cant have our vaccines - why? well because they dont have the money to afford them!... we have to abandon earth and go to mars - what do you mean we have a perfectly good planet right where we are??? how am i gonna make even more disgusting amounts of money if i cant monetize a different space rock???

you may have noticed that i originally specified "north america", as in, including Canada. While it may be awesome to live in ignorance, the reality is that Canada is guilty of so much of the same shit the US is. We may have free healthcare, we may have gun control laws, and much more standardized public education, but other than that we are culturally identical to the US. Canada has had a genocide. abortion rights are a hot topic, trans rights are a hot topic. as i mentioned earlier, the legitimacy of the pandemic is a hot topic. our housing situation is fucking fucked because in the 1900s we decided we dont want "slums" because of "bad neighborhoods" (black neighborhoods) so we just have the most inefficient fucking housing of all time (aka single family houses aka suburbs). it makes me so depressed when some ugly shit happens in the US and i hear the people around me say "haha at least we dont live down south haha!"...

im almost 21 years old and just terrified of the life ahead of me. I will witness a catastrophic climate disaster in my lifetime. I will struggle in the housing market. I want to go into a career with notoriously dogshit pay (teaching) that's only reward is the fulfilment of pursuing my passion and it makes me wonder if i even give a shit about my passion at all at this point.

i dont fucking know man. i dont fucking know. hopefully this all made sense and isnt the grape juice schizo arc being documented live for all to see

i cannot believe i am reading such a brave, original and nuanced take

yeah yeah i know

expecting brave original and nuanced takes in the vent thread

a daring synthesis

I totally get that things aren't amazing you bring up a lot of real problems but Canada is doing pretty well.

https://puu.sh/IG9ff/86efd876d6.png

82% of our electricity comes from renewables(60% hydro, 15% nuclear, 7% other). BC hydro is 97% renewable with over 90% coming from clean hydro electricity.

It's a very small thing but I personally don't eat beef anymore, or I at least try to limit myself in how much I eat. Cows are the end product in the majority of the farming industry's carbon footprint and it really does make me feel better even though it has a small impact. I don't do it because I think it will somehow save the world, I do it because I'm aware of the effect that beef has.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBYDgJ9Wf0E

Abortion support in Canada is in the high 70's, trans rights support is at 85%.. Abortions are publically funded and Canada is one of the most LGBT friendly countries in the world, if not the most friendly in the world. We were ranked 2nd in the world in terms of inclusion and tolerance. I feel like people forget that Gay marrige was only legalized in america in 2015. We've done really really well for 5 years.

I don't have a ton of info on housing but it's not like Canadians are unaware of the problem. Cities are making solutions like Making HOME and there are lots of people trying to make changes to increase housing supply. Additionally housing is something you could individually have an effect on by showing up to public consultations or public planning events. Also also new housing looks sick as fuckkkkk.

The trucker rally that's going on really is just a vocal minority, 90% of truckers are vaccinated and we have the 7th highest vaccination coverage in the world at 85%. 9.8 billion dollars worth of vaccine have been pledged to other countries (canada is donating 384 million dollars worth). 4.8 Billion people have gotten the jab.

There's also a lot of social factors in all the doomerism. Good news doesn't get clicks and the negative information bias both help hide a ton of good information. I also thought this podcast episode was really interesting about how people's political views can influence their views of a country. I would really recommend listening to the podcast even if it's just the first 15 minutes.

any political commentator that calls liberals (and joe biden fans on top) the "left" isn't worth listening to