The Crocket

#1

0 Frags – +

I'm making some satire articles for comp TF2 in the style of the Onion. First one is done.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dngiRCv_CCGyETHHw18xvzMInLYjP37J2UNUyhVnpEo/edit?usp=sharing

#2

Aelkyr

29 Frags – +

The idea of a satirical news website regarding comp TF2 is something that has been played with often among the TFTV news department, but we eventually realized that trying to be funny is hard so we just didn't do it. By simply not being funny, you brilliantly worked around something that was holding us back.

Jokes aside, I like the concept but the execution could use some work. If you want feedback I can give you some.

The idea of a satirical news website regarding comp TF2 is something that has been played with often among the TFTV news department, but we eventually realized that trying to be funny is hard so we just didn't do it. By simply not being funny, you brilliantly worked around something that was holding us back.

Jokes aside, I like the concept but the execution could use some work. If you want feedback I can give you some.

#3

hobophobiccityplanner

0 Frags – +

AelkyrThe idea of a satirical news website regarding comp TF2 is something that has been played with often among the TFTV news department, but we eventually realized that trying to be funny is hard so we just didn't do it. By simply not being funny, you brilliantly worked around something that was holding us back.

Jokes aside, I like the concept but the execution could use some work. If you want feedback I can give you some.

I would actually appreciate that.

[quote=Aelkyr]The idea of a satirical news website regarding comp TF2 is something that has been played with often among the TFTV news department, but we eventually realized that trying to be funny is hard so we just didn't do it. By simply not being funny, you brilliantly worked around something that was holding us back.

Jokes aside, I like the concept but the execution could use some work. If you want feedback I can give you some.[/quote]

I would actually appreciate that.

#4

aiera

6 Frags – +

make it a wordpress site or something, idk why but reading anything in google docs just makes it feel oddly formal to me
also might wanna spellcheck

#5

twiikuu

1 Frags – +

I could probably help you start a seriously-ish free site if you're technologically savvy, hmu :-)

#6

Aelkyr

11 Frags – +

As the poster above said, finding a way to make it look more like an article and less like a draft, presentation wise, would be nice but that said I don't have any website in mind so meh.

Onto the main part, I'd like to preface by saying that humor is a highly subjective matter, and that everything I say is my own opinion.

Probably the biggest issue for me is that the article promises something in the title, but fails to deliver on it. It's like there is a missing first paragraph, as the title draws a link between STDs and PUGs, but the article doesn't really explain how this came to be and why, nor who is afflicted or was patient Zero.I'm not saying that you need lore to make a funny thing, but that if you wanna make a satire article, you want your article to look like a real one. This also applies to the formatting of an article, with author, location and date written somewhere near the top.

The second issue for me was smaller, but is important if you wanna make this a regular thing, is that you went for some low-hanging fruits and those can grow old quite fast. The sigafoo quote for example feels really forced by the fact that there is no real reason to interview him compared to the other 2.

I really liked the paragraph after the quotes, and think that this is sort of the level you wanna aim for the start. The botched photoshop was also funny, but opinions may vary.

As the poster above said, finding a way to make it look more like an article and less like a draft, presentation wise, would be nice but that said I don't have any website in mind so meh.

Onto the main part, I'd like to preface by saying that humor is a highly subjective matter, and that everything I say is my own opinion.

Probably the biggest issue for me is that the article promises something in the title, but fails to deliver on it. It's like there is a missing first paragraph, as the title draws a link between STDs and PUGs, but the article doesn't really explain how this came to be and why, nor who is afflicted or was patient Zero.I'm not saying that you need lore to make a funny thing, but that if you wanna make a satire article, you want your article to look like a real one. This also applies to the formatting of an article, with author, location and date written somewhere near the top.

The second issue for me was smaller, but is important if you wanna make this a regular thing, is that you went for some low-hanging fruits and those can grow old quite fast. The sigafoo quote for example feels really forced by the fact that there is no real reason to interview him compared to the other 2.

I really liked the paragraph after the quotes, and think that this is sort of the level you wanna aim for the start. The botched photoshop was also funny, but opinions may vary.

#7

Beelthazus

0 Frags – +

I can foresee a day when this "theoretical" satirical news website surpasses all other tf2 websites in accurate information. Save this post.

#8

dempsey

4 Frags – +

If you're looking for feedback the main issue I had with the AIDS joke was a lack of focus.

Good satire has a focus, and a clear idea of what it wants to criticise. Like criticising the ridiculous praise some drunken Irish football fans got (I'm aware this one is a little niche, but trust me, it's pretty spot on). Or more recently, the suspension of democratically elected British parliament under Boris.

Both of those articles keep focus on what they're criticising, and don't overreach. In the case of the AIDS joke, it felt it served no purpose. As if the whole point of the AIDS thing was just an excuse to shit on b4nny/yoshi/sigafoo, which is fine, if that's what you're going for.

If you're looking for feedback the main issue I had with the AIDS joke was a lack of focus.

Good satire has a focus, and a clear idea of what it wants to criticise. Like [url=http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/2016/06/17/irish-fans-rescue-kidnapped-schoolgirls-from-boko-haram/]criticising the ridiculous praise some drunken Irish football fans got[/url] (I'm aware this one is a little niche, but trust me, it's pretty spot on). Or more recently,[url=http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/2019/08/28/you-say-dictatorship-like-its-a-bad-thing/] the suspension of democratically elected British parliament under Boris[/url].

Both of those articles keep focus on what they're criticising, and don't overreach. In the case of the AIDS joke, it felt it served no purpose. As if the whole point of the AIDS thing was just an excuse to shit on b4nny/yoshi/sigafoo, which is fine, if that's what you're going for.

#9

hobophobiccityplanner

1 Frags – +

I'm gonna try rewiriting this a few times before I actually release the full thing.

#10

krphyxzwlpz

6 Frags – +

Technically AIDS isnt an STD and it is not infectious in a population. HIV is the contractable pathogen; AIDS is merely the end result for most people (and players) without access to ART, HAART, and PrEP. :)

also if u need help writing i can help i like writing

Technically AIDS isnt an STD and it is not infectious in a population. HIV is the contractable pathogen; AIDS is merely the end result for most people (and players) without access to ART, HAART, and PrEP. :)

also if u need help writing i can help i like writing

#11

All_Over_RS

13 Frags – +

The TF2 community is its own Onion

#12

dave2

8 Frags – +

I'm no expert in satire, but I think when it comes to news satire a la The Onion, the best way to go about it is to go for an "uncanny valley" level of believe-ability in your writing. By that I mean, it's just serious enough in tone and presentation to be believed, but there's something that's just off about it. One thing that helps IMO, is to keep it professional and don't say dumb shit in the article unless you're quoting someone. (That's not to say all of The Onion articles aren't like obviously a joke, but IMO some of the better ones are at least somewhat believable.) There's some stuff in the article you wrote that just hit me as "very obviously a joke" and IMO that hurts it a bit. You're not going for "Euro Shitpost" levels of irony, where it's laid on so thick you feel like there's Vaseline smeared on your screen, but just a tinge of it.

That's even doable when it comes to stuff like what you've written, but I think you can come at it from a different angle, like:

Show Content

"Center for Disease Control Issues Quarantines For Mass AIDS Outbreak Following Late Night PUGs"

"Several prominent Team Fortress 2 competitive figures have come down with serious illnesses following a streak of late-night matches on the PugChamp service.

'I sweat to Christ, if they don't ban the Loch-N-Load for pugs, I'm going to personally drive up to b4nny's dumpster and give him the gnarliest wedgie that retard has ever seen.' - B3arodactyl, who was among those infected.

After issuing the quarantines, which encompassed the homes of the affected players as well as the data centers that hosted the PUG service, the director of the CDC issued the following statement:
'I was watching someone stream pugs on the night of Monday, September 2nd, and the second I saw someone try to market-garden a heavy on mid, I knew we were going to have an epidemic on our hands if I didn't do something to stop it.'

The PUG service is said to be up and running again by the evening on Tuesday, September 3rd, and the administrators warn that anyone who perpetrates another outbreak will be c-restricted and banned until they can provide a doctor's note stating that they went and received a full checkup and a shot of penicillin.

'This would've never happened if we just used Faceit.' - b4nny, via a note tied to a rock that was thrown into my car windshield off of an overpass."

IDK if anyone would consider that better, but IMO it reads more like an article with some dumb shit in it instead of just a full-fledged shitpost.

I'm no expert in satire, but I think when it comes to news satire a la The Onion, the best way to go about it is to go for an "uncanny valley" level of believe-ability in your writing. By that I mean, it's just serious enough in tone and presentation to be believed, but there's something that's just [i]off[/i] about it. One thing that helps IMO, is to keep it professional and don't say dumb shit in the article unless you're quoting someone. (That's not to say all of The Onion articles aren't like obviously a joke, but IMO some of the better ones are at least somewhat believable.) There's some stuff in the article you wrote that just hit me as "very obviously a joke" and IMO that hurts it a bit. You're not going for "Euro Shitpost" levels of irony, where it's laid on so thick you feel like there's Vaseline smeared on your screen, but just a tinge of it.

That's even doable when it comes to stuff like what you've written, but I think you can come at it from a different angle, like:

[spoiler][quote]"Center for Disease Control Issues Quarantines For Mass AIDS Outbreak Following Late Night PUGs"

"Several prominent Team Fortress 2 competitive figures have come down with serious illnesses following a streak of late-night matches on the PugChamp service.

'I sweat to Christ, if they don't ban the Loch-N-Load for pugs, I'm going to personally drive up to b4nny's dumpster and give him the gnarliest wedgie that retard has ever seen.' - B3arodactyl, who was among those infected.

After issuing the quarantines, which encompassed the homes of the affected players as well as the data centers that hosted the PUG service, the director of the CDC issued the following statement:
'I was watching someone stream pugs on the night of Monday, September 2nd, and the second I saw someone try to market-garden a heavy on mid, I knew we were going to have an epidemic on our hands if I didn't do something to stop it.'

The PUG service is said to be up and running again by the evening on Tuesday, September 3rd, and the administrators warn that anyone who perpetrates another outbreak will be c-restricted and banned until they can provide a doctor's note stating that they went and received a full checkup and a shot of penicillin.

'This would've never happened if we just used Faceit.' - b4nny, via a note tied to a rock that was thrown into my car windshield off of an overpass."[/quote][/spoiler]

IDK if anyone would consider that better, but IMO it reads more like an article with some dumb shit in it instead of just a full-fledged shitpost.